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Monday, October 3, 2016

Slap on a bucket, get ready to hit the ground (3.10.2016)

I got home from asylum at 21.09. What can I say, it was boring as fuck. Here's what they did:

  • Make me wait. A LOT. Most days went by sitting in the room, being bored to death. On other less fortunate days, I had to counter people trying to strike up stupid conversations. Mainly in Russian, which I don't speak.
  • Psychologist mainly did some boring tests that anyone could predict from a mile away. They were following: Word memorization -> number memorization & reversal -> number memorization & replacement -> word memorization (recall)
    Next day: Word memorization (just for hecks) -> Puzzles (4 -> 9, recreating image using blocks) -> Matrixes and pattern recognition -> Cards and sorting them.

    Now, to tell some tricks to them:

    ♦ Word memorization -> Create a story, or images. For images, try to "flow" from one to other.
    ♦ Number memorization & reversal -> Imagine numbers, then read them backwards.
    ♦ Number memorization & replacement -> Don't look at the code above. Look at what you've already written.
    ♦ Puzzles -> With 4, it's straight up. With 9, divide the image into 3 mentally -- create lines. Turn off presumptions, they'll only hinder. One by one, set them down. On easier ones, you can try corners, for me, at last ones, it completely fucked me over, so I used what I just wrote.
    ♦ Matrixes and patterns -> Look for corners, ups and downs, locations, overall structure -- anything to hint to a "flaw" in others.

    She also did aspergers' test, which I apparently failed to a certain degree. Not it, but not not it either.
  • Then there was MRT/MRI. Turns out it found stuff in my head. 4-5 thingies, which seem to be similar to Sclerosis multiplexes, but no signs were found on me. Older diagnosis' distorted the results even more.
In the end, they are sending me to a geneticist (19.10) and psychologist (even later). For now, they concluded: "Pervasive depressive disorder", or so I could translate the words most directly.

Apart from all that, art has hit the bucket again. Can't color for shit anymore. Patience also runs out when sketching, since things don't turn out how you expect them. Damn that random factor. <.<
What's worse, is that I've also hit a wall with art. Seeing others do these things and looking at self, really puts you off. Especially, if you try damn hard and for hours, and still turns out crap. Negativity and extreme self-criticism? Oh, hell yes.

There was also kind-of an OBE while dreaming. I dreamt that fell into a sleep paralysis and then a lot of noise again. Also some weird patterns. Woke up due to it. Still haven't really got used to entering that state though. Feels so goddamn funky as hell. It's like falling, but on drugs.