Just gonna leave this here...

Death Parade

You just got to love the comments section. :D
Also, seems like an interesting anime. Kinda like 'Mushishi' meets psychological. :P

Something is wrong.

Straight from the dream, i already noticed, that today was somehow really dark. I, who can easily navigate in the dark, couldn't see! Threw on some clothes, took all the neccesary things and off i went. All the way 'til the school, one thought lingers:" Am i still in a dream?". It was fairly difficult to hold my consciousness, as it felt like it would fade away in matter of seconds.
The whole feel to the world is ... different. I feel like i had stumbled upon a dream from my childhood. Something is repeating, something that I already know, yet what?

The dream i saw, was a bit strange one. We were riding a bus ... me and mom. I noticed strange thunderclouds, which looked more like tentacles that cloud formation. It's as if they were cables, ran across the city. For some reason, i said:"If you get electrocuted, don't resist. Let it flow". Was I waiting for it? And it happened. Everyone on the bus is getting electrocuted, while me... i'm fine. I'm used to getting shocked from the lightning. As everyone was being electrocuted, the lightning which hit me became red. I told mom the same thing twice, of which i had earlier -- "Let it flow". She became partially red too. The lightning stopped, but everyone's still stunned, including the driver. I keep waiting, hoping for the driver to regain his senses, but it didn't until i took the wheel at the last moment, when it was about to hit the oncoming wall. Everyone suddenly starts yelling at the driver: "Stop! Hit the damn brakes!" and he does as if he was in a grumpy mood.
We exit and run. We hear that a third class warning had been issued (tornado?). Running through a nearby gate (which my mom apparently knew),i nearly got in, as everything went to a lockdown.
Then it's just a lot of running around to get into some broken mansion (again, yes, again). They want to crawl through some sort of tunnel, but when i'm pointed that way, there's nothing there. It's just a wall.

Weird. Just weird, and i still feel weird.

Unbecoming

Something worth noting.

Yesterday, I went to sleep at 16:00... I was pretty tired. Slept, saw some dreams - all normal. Woke up at 23:00 where i felt the urge to check my mail, to see if I had got a reply from a certain person. No reply. Little time passes by wondering random stuff. Back to sleep it was.

I remember it taking place at home. Not sure what was the scenario, but it was fairly casual. Something caused a wave in my consciousness, which triggered an OBE. I was still somewhat scared what will happen next, but the state broke and I returned to dream. Curious as I was, I re-attempted. Success, yet nothing happened. A lot of noise, of to which quickly adapted. The state broke again. This time, with cofidense, I jumped back into it. Like previous, it also broke. I tried again and again and again, and at one point, I couldn't tell the difference between if I were in that state or not. If it was reality or not. Out of curiousity, I attempt to erase my consciousness fully. "I do not exist, and I, am merged with everything". As i go for it, it goes so far so quickly, I nearly feel loss of my consciousness. The thought scared me, and I quickly escaped that state.
I woke up due to it. So many things going through my mind, that i'm unable to go back into this strange 'OBE' state.

At the morning, I felt much more aware, as i would usually. The times i jumped back into this state was around 15 (without strangely breaking the dream cycle).

Update of 15.10.14

I've decided to stop asking others for help, or anything. Only thing you get from them, is negativity. I will be, as i am. Broken, yet disregarding it, i shall put on a mask. Might even abandon this blog. It's nothing more than just a train of thoughts and emotions.

Won't bother writing anything else, except for this song:

Abandoned

I've forgotten what this annoying feeling felt like. This, of which i call "depression".

The majority of the damage was dealt by the series of dreams. I've HEAVILY restricted my own posts, but kept them... just as a sheer reminder of what and when i'm feeling it.

This, is how it looks like:

The list goes on. You get the idea.
Man... this sucks. I might have somewhat made progress on what causes it.
As you may know, i barely talk. I've cut myself out of all sociability -- BUT! There's this other side of me. It WANTS to be sociable. It wants to help, to make people happy. The reason why i'm restricting it... i guess you could say, that I don't want to feel loss again. The feeling of being left behind. Of being alone. If i got no connections, i cannot feel the loss, but as you can see, it's taking the equivalent toll on it's own. The fact, that nothing will stay as it was... and i guess, i'm terrified of that. Of me staying the same, while everyone goes away. I feel as if i'm a ghost. I'm there in front of everyone, yet no one can see me, nor will stay with me.

// EDIT //

//

ENOUGH.

(deep breath)
Yesterday, i made a Joule Thief and it works great. Runs 6 LED's on full power from a single AA battery.

Today, i attempted to make my own battery. One somewhat worked... It gave out 0.60V which was enough to run 6 LED's with JT (Joule thief) dimly. The other one which i made out of an high -voltage electrolyte cap, failed. It only gave out 0.30V, then had dropped to 0.20V.
Tomorrow, i shall go to the pharmacy story and see if I can get some Epsom salts to make a crystal battery.

We'll see how it all goes. We'll see.