Won't bother writing anything else, except for this song:
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Update of 15.10.14
I've decided to stop asking others for help, or anything. Only thing you get from them, is negativity. I will be, as i am. Broken, yet disregarding it, i shall put on a mask. Might even abandon this blog. It's nothing more than just a train of thoughts and emotions.
Won't bother writing anything else, except for this song:
Won't bother writing anything else, except for this song:
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Abandoned
I've forgotten what this annoying feeling felt like. This, of which i call "depression".
The majority of the damage was dealt by the series of dreams. I've HEAVILY restricted my own posts, but kept them... just as a sheer reminder of what and when i'm feeling it.
This, is how it looks like:
The list goes on. You get the idea.
Man... this sucks. I might have somewhat made progress on what causes it.
As you may know, i barely talk. I've cut myself out of all sociability -- BUT! There's this other side of me. It WANTS to be sociable. It wants to help, to make people happy. The reason why i'm restricting it... i guess you could say, that I don't want to feel loss again. The feeling of being left behind. Of being alone. If i got no connections, i cannot feel the loss, but as you can see, it's taking the equivalent toll on it's own. The fact, that nothing will stay as it was... and i guess, i'm terrified of that. Of me staying the same, while everyone goes away. I feel as if i'm a ghost. I'm there in front of everyone, yet no one can see me, nor will stay with me.
// EDIT //
//
ENOUGH.
(deep breath)
Yesterday, i made a Joule Thief and it works great. Runs 6 LED's on full power from a single AA battery.
Today, i attempted to make my own battery. One somewhat worked... It gave out 0.60V which was enough to run 6 LED's with JT (Joule thief) dimly. The other one which i made out of an high -voltage electrolyte cap, failed. It only gave out 0.30V, then had dropped to 0.20V.
Tomorrow, i shall go to the pharmacy story and see if I can get some Epsom salts to make a crystal battery.
We'll see how it all goes. We'll see.
The majority of the damage was dealt by the series of dreams. I've HEAVILY restricted my own posts, but kept them... just as a sheer reminder of what and when i'm feeling it.
This, is how it looks like:
The list goes on. You get the idea.
Man... this sucks. I might have somewhat made progress on what causes it.
As you may know, i barely talk. I've cut myself out of all sociability -- BUT! There's this other side of me. It WANTS to be sociable. It wants to help, to make people happy. The reason why i'm restricting it... i guess you could say, that I don't want to feel loss again. The feeling of being left behind. Of being alone. If i got no connections, i cannot feel the loss, but as you can see, it's taking the equivalent toll on it's own. The fact, that nothing will stay as it was... and i guess, i'm terrified of that. Of me staying the same, while everyone goes away. I feel as if i'm a ghost. I'm there in front of everyone, yet no one can see me, nor will stay with me.
// EDIT //
//
ENOUGH.
(deep breath)
Yesterday, i made a Joule Thief and it works great. Runs 6 LED's on full power from a single AA battery.
Today, i attempted to make my own battery. One somewhat worked... It gave out 0.60V which was enough to run 6 LED's with JT (Joule thief) dimly. The other one which i made out of an high -voltage electrolyte cap, failed. It only gave out 0.30V, then had dropped to 0.20V.
Tomorrow, i shall go to the pharmacy story and see if I can get some Epsom salts to make a crystal battery.
We'll see how it all goes. We'll see.
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