Update of 2.02.2015

Another fear resurfaces -- The fear of time.

Last night, I wanted to 'search' for my handicapped friend, who hasn't shown up nowhere for past 2 weeks. Tried to visualize, but everything kept changing as if it was designed by a motion designer. It had a dark tone to it. Forced the theme to go to current point and rewind back to the start of the day with absolute details. The speed of which things flew past, was immense. I could comprehend everything, yet it was scary to me. It made the past time look so pesky. The whole day flew past in less than 5 minutes. It all looked as a speed up clip, only thing is, that you could stop at any given point of time and remember/know everything.

At one point, I had forgotten what I was supposed to do. Mind had wondered off. Had to force myself to sleep, because I had the constant feeling that I was living ahead of my own time.

Had a bit different dream today. Something to do with digging up the ground and 3 guys forcing me to memorize some sort of street. "5 **********, 6 minutes" or something like that. Even made a notion to them that "I have been living here for years, do you think I wouldn't know where it is?".

After that was what seemed as Tallinn. Some sort of restaurant at where me and others (I think there were?) drunk some coffee. Then back home with a bus, barely had any money to pay it, whereas, others didn't have to pay. 

Wasting some time - Skyrim - Part 1

Since I got no singing 'til monday, I did some heavy modding with Skyrim.
Oh, and I was so bored, that this became a thing:

 "It's all in your head!"

Some sweet gods' rays.

Bit dusty here, isn't it?

Freaking sweet balance of contrast and brightness.

"We got to go sneaky!"

My trust-y companion Farith

More lighting, that caught my eye.

... aaannd even more ...

... eh.

Mesmerizing!

Farith:"Can we go and do some quests already?"

*sighs*

Battle-mode: ON!

Winterhold nearly at it's doom. Eh. Lets give sick pose instead!

Cozy.

Whiterun at the same night, when we got kicked out the house...

PS. The upper time is game time. Lower is real-time.

Well, least it was fun. Except the parts where I froze, CTD'd or didn't even start. Still. Was fun. :)

Just a little post thingy

Came across a song, liked it a lot, even thought did not understood majority of it. The depth of lyrics is freaking amazing. Had me thinking again, that language doesn't matter, when something resonates with others' being.




Lyrics: http://www.lyrical-nonsense.com/lyrics/bump-of-chicken/hello-world/#page=English

I actually searched for the full song for quite the while. Now i'm glad I found it. Totally worth the share.


Edit (3:10):

After a ton of research, the proper term for "rock vocal" is "rasp"-iness.

Realized that Disturbed was a perfect for this kind of vocal training.
The real question now is how my voice is capable of handling it. I've never lost my voice, and i'm willing to gamble on it capable of 'attuning' and learning this. If I lose it, I'll just train to regain it. I deny failure. I deny rules of which universe follows. Will not be bound by them.

The whole list:

• Meaning of Life
• Hell
• Haunted
• The Night
• The Animal
• Asylum
• Stricken
• Inside the fire
• Indestructible
• Warrior
• Voices
• The Game
• Ten Thousand Fists
• Land of Confusion (now there's a song that needs to be heard)
• I'm Alive
• Decadence

Funny thing is, that when I was listening, I got a clear grasp on the feeling what it feels like.

Edit (21:36):

Well, this plain sucks.My mom's sick and I can feel my own body misbehaving as well. Goddamn it! Now I have to wait at least 3 days. (grumbles)... wish I could live alone already. Then time wouldn't be an obstacle.

Update of 24.04.2015

So. The story so far.
My original goal: Clarity. Still yet to make it to that point. Well, least i've made some progress.
I find it funny, that when I sing, there's sometimes this "explosion" of emotions. Like a different personality. Especially with negative emotions (as in when I can't do vibrato for no f*cking reason).

P.S. -- All songs are sung how I remembered them. No lyrics.

A few interesting thoughts I had yesterday. "It's not that I hate living, rather the opposite. My expectations of life are so high, and difficult to meet, which causes disappointment. Ironically, the same force strives me forth."

Other is the same. Weird dreams. Good dreams. Sad dreams. Eh. No OBE's. A potential sleep walk, though. Apparently I had stood in the middle of the living room yesterday night. Can't quite recall doing anything of sorts. But my memory as it is.

Fiddling around with VUE

Since making landscape, water or other scenery-type stuff in Blender is really difficult, I searched for similar software. VUE is really great. I haven't really started to learn it, but I threw some stuff together and this happened...

The terrain is a bit f'cked up, because I screwed up the real-map data with World Machine, so I had to work with what I had.

But damn... the lighting and reflections are freaking amazing. Nowhere compared to Blender's (assuming simplicity - effort).