Dream log of 18.02.2015

Had an odd dream about being trying to get into my home. Just for counts, i don't like these sorts of dreams. I had had enough of 'things' trying to get me. Seriously through with that crap.

Something worth of noting, I guess:
I saw Sussch in a dream (well, not really "saw". Felt. After all, i can't remember people's faces, rather by how they feel). It was some sort of game. Shooter/survival one. I remember a beautiful forest near a lake. The sky was multi-colored. I even wanted to take a photo. The scenery reminded more of a painting (potentially inspired by Sussch's drawing?). He also spoke something about a university where he went to. Can't quite remember. The building looked rather large and hadn't been used for a long while. There were 2 more people with us, though I cannot quite remember them. One had somewhat of a grumpy tone, he also didn't like me (can't blame, haha). The other one seemed to be a friend of Sussch's.

That's pretty much all I can remember.

Also, got to keep in mind not to look at any kinds of patterns in real life. Those things seriously f*ck my mind up.

Update of 15.02.2014

Well, i guess it's time to make a summary of stuff.

Le~t's see.......

On 6-th, I graduated the school, without having to take school exam due to NEARLY doing all 3 of EUCIP exams. Failed development with ONE point. To tell the truth, i'm not even mad. I didn't even study the material, all i did was go over the questions twice. The questions had absolutely nothing to do with it and were obscure as f*ck.

To be 100% honest, I do not wish to work. I DESPISE working. 'Working' means doing something mindless, something against ones' will, in my book. What i want to do is, is something i can enjoy... and well, uh... there aren't pretty much any.
I guess, I enjoy 'working' with music or anything creative, really. To me, creativity is something that allows one to see and understand the very essence of other. After all, you don't need to explain a picture or music. It's universal. Like for example, this amazing piece:

As for dreams, OBE and other such, I really haven't done anything. Just lately, I was ill and still am a bit (I was curious, so i let it progress. It just made body weak, mind was still clear as day. Bah, worthless waste of time).

Should make a note here about "depression" / weird pain. I do not understand it again.
I keep it constantly under check and pretty much never show it to people. After all, it makes me spew weird stuff. Once, i did talk, and the persons answer was "just wait and pray". HAH. Every night is practically wishful thoughts and I don't know what to call it else than "praying". So, yeah. That's that. Put a can on this weird feeling and throw it in a goddamn nuclear bunker. I'm better at helping others than helping myself, and let it stay that way.

3D modeling: Humans -- never again.

Spent whole day remodeling and retopolising, UV mapping and rigging, and i got somewhat finished now (4:44).

So, the most annoying thing? Everything. You touch it, it goes up on flames. I though I did i fair job on rigging and retopo'ing, but it still has some annoying glitches in it.

For the base (the one I retopo'd), was a naked (well, duh. They all are) faceless female model. It's good it doesn't go straight into "indecent" category, since it obviously is missing ... well.... 'parts'. I ain't got time for stuff like that >.< .

Something that is REALLY annoying me, are those "scratches". I have no idea why they even happen. It shouldn't, but yet it is. Grr.

Though the skin shader came out really well, maybe too much gloss.

Well, shit.

Took the EUCIP exams. Failed 'development' by ONE point. Well, still, i'm surprised i managed to even pass the others, only by learning the questions twice (logical conclusions). The wording was seriously fcked up. Basically, the question "how" became "why". Well, whatever. I have no idea what's the EUCIP thing even for.

I have made certain ... "changes", in my life. Can't really call it progress. Sure, i'm starting to get hang on visualizing, yet it 'looks' dark to me. It's not vivid. Though control is perfect.

Deja'vus are still coming like crazy. Every major event causes some sort of sudden burst of "hey, why do I already know this?". There have been differences. For example, watching anime, i realize and then, the outcome is totally different, of what i remember. Even after the exam, I remember standing in kitchen at evening, talking to parents, but it never happened. So... *shrugs*.

Dreams mean something different now. They are about 'unlocking' physical restraints, while in reality, we put them to the test. Also, it seems that it's not the physical body that gets tired, but rather mentality. Then again, the whole concept of 'tiredness' could (and most likely is) just be an illusion. Though, at most times, I can't be even bothered to control dreams. I like what it throws at me.

I still cannot get around with people. Even in dreams, I befriend 'demons' (in wide range of entities), simply because they are more amusing.

Though, a while ago, something interesting did happen. My mom experienced an OBE. She was sick and was sleeping on the couch. At one point, she felt someone standing next to her. Described to be alike to me, but taller. He was saying something, which she could not understand. She went into a panic and tried to open her eyes with all her strength, and then 'suddenly', was capable and no one was there. She also described the "heavy" feeling on her chest gone. I asked how afraid she was on scale of 10 (uncontrollable panic) she said 8.
I sarcastically said "fun, isn't it?", since she is afraid of such things.