Over-stressed

It has been... 2-3 (?) days since the dream. The pain hasn't gone down, it has only gone up. I've lost nearly all my will and motivation. I don't feel hungry. I don't want to speak to nearly anyone.

In the last days, i've had lots of school work (especially stuff about economics, business etc. We are supposed to read a ton of text, which i can't understand at all, so i don't read it at all and answer with pure logic). Classmates whine about tiny problems. They never know how to do something or solve it. They never think on their own. Facebook, facebook, facebook. That's all they know. Had to do a clean up on a damn old computer, which booted up for over 3 min (probably RAM problem). Launched a portable program from USB for over 2min. I was literally sleeping behind the computer.

In other words, i've been heavily depressed.
Then again, it didn't only come with negative sides. I've lately found the capability to near-instantly "program" a will into myself. For example, saying in my mind "silence" or "shutdown" to kill off everything in my mind. In order to program, the will must be precise. For hypnogogia i use the command *thought* + "initiate", and pretty much instantly, i get OBE vibes and weak hypnogogia.
I visualize the "programming" process as a menu, where i can make anything or anyone do anything. Kinda like floating GUI and selecting by thought alone.

Either way, this has been most what i've been up to.

Who am i and why do i exist?

It's impossible to do anything anymore without questioning myself. Everything that i do, i feel as i've already done it. No matter what route i take, i've already taken it. What is my purpose? Everyone else seems to have one, and are fascinated by the world. They find the world fun and nice meanwhile i find it boring and confusing.
It's like i already know everything, while not.

It's so frustrating and painful! Even now i'm questioning why i'm even writing this. This damn heart ache, it's like a curse to bear others pain.

What exactly is my purpose?? I can't seem to find one! Just who exactly am I ???

Pain

It's interesting how easily pain can be healed. Last night, when i was about to sleep, i stretched a bit too much and got pain in the left arm. It wasn't constant, but as if pulsing. Took a little time, concentrated on it (broke my concentration twice because the more i focused on it, the stronger the impulses got and some were so intense that managed to move my arm a bit).
Further on, it was rather simple to reduce the pain to non-existent.

Later on, woke up with a stomach ache. Couldn't pinpoint the exact location. Just were repeating to myself "I cannot feel the pain" and soon enough, i realized that i wasn't thinking about it and the pain was gone.

At points, the pain feels odd. Kinda like wanting more of it.

Drawing for hours + Some general

Been drawing and coloring over 4 hours by now. Time to end for today.

You know one of these E-cigars? My dad owns 2. They were charging so i wanted to speed up the charging progress. I accidentally geisted it's program. When it charges, it blinks every 1 sec, now when it blinks, it does 2 blinks and then 3 in a row.... Hehehe.... Whoops!

But what bugs me is why won't my PK work with certain things like TK or PK. Even if it does it has minimal results, meanwhile electronics may fry when i touch them. Good thing i haven't been light pulsing in a while, The lights haven't burned out in a while now.

Had a TERRIBLE stomach ache. Kinda like when i once had to get cecum (organ) removed (don't want that pain. It's so intense that it makes you puke and moan in pain. It feels as if someone had stabbed you). Now when i had it, i had pressure on the point where it was supposed to be, like as in it had regrown. I had no painkiller either. Energy was capable of subsiding it for a very short while. Good thing it went over.