Long time i've posted here

It's been a long time since i posted here. Lots has happened.

At the moment, when writing this, i'm trying to keep my anger at bay. Using it to kill people who i hate in my mind. Yup, i'm a potential villain. Heh-heh.
I know that people say that what good is to kill someone, but on some people just deserve it. And i truly would kill em. To me, someone's death is like nothing to bare.

(Takes a deep breath)... Now, that that is aside, i can go on with topics (even tho my heart still aches).
Just lately i moved an 2L empty coke bottle which stood upright on a carpet and i barely tried. Just out of the blue i did it. And i'm still not amused.

A while earlier i attempted mind control (mom and dad). I hate the sports topic, it's like some ridiculous religion in our family. I feel as i did it for them and when sports comes as topic, they press it on like "YOU MUST DO IT!!!" and when i say "If i want, i'll do it for myself, not you." and then they say "Of course you do it for yourself, not us". Just go f*ck yourselves, ok? I don't give a crap about sports. There's more to the world than this.
Anyways... got sidetracked by anger again. I'm not sure how it went. The speech did get choppy as i was sending the command "Watch TV and shut up" (dad) and "Watch the monitor. You can't hear anything." (mom).

Even earlier, i attempted RV, chakra creation, energy manipulation, OBE and pranayama.

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Apart from all that, i have had some hyper-realistic hypnogogia.
I can't write all of it into forums since i would pretty much steal the spotlight from others and i don't want that. Let them be at the centre of the attention.

The ones  haven't  written yet are the ones that i experienced today. While meditating earlier, i was about to stop then suddenly felt as someone put it's hand on my shoulder. It sorta frightened me.
On the morning, when i woke, i saw a girl (about 9 - 14 years old) standing over my bed, long blond hair. I couldn't see her face, it was hazy. At the morning i sensed something off with her. Now i understand it was anger just as i am feeling right now. I think she was calling me somewhere.

I get the feeling that i soon don't need to talk to anyone anymore. These experiences are getting more often as ever. Infact, i think i'd be happy if i died. I mean that serious--.......... Hold the heck on! I knew who that girl was! She was on my dream too!

The dream was about war. Imagine this is what you see infront of you. Plain fields, rain has just fallen and it muddy. There's barely any living matter around (no trees, plants), barricades set down, cannons and men in arms. A girl was with me. It was as she was taken straight out of an anime. A cute loli (underage girl) with long hair. I was protecting her. She was wearing a dress... a white with pink stripes and flowers. I can't remember her name but i really want to say something with "C" or "K". No idea. Soon after, the place was overrun with enemies, we ran inside (into barracks). I lost her for a moment when i see an enemy and overhear him saying something really disgusting. He wanted to rape her. I waited until he would drop his guard... sneaked behind and hit him with a massive wood plank. He collapsed. We sneaked outside and the scenery was different. It was green. Literally, everywhere where you could see was green with life. Trees and flowers. As if we had stepped through some kind of a portal. The people looked like war fugitives and farmers. They were very helpful. We escaped. The dream ended with me and her holding hands.

Could it be possible that i somehow dragged her into this reality? Well, let's hope not.

I can't remember my latest dreams. I have no memory of them. To be exact, i can't remember 2 dreams. But i've experienced 2 Deja vu's. Coincidence? I doubt it.



I want to get out of this reality somehow. I feel as i'm a side-character in my own life, so i hide in games where i can be someone else. Dreams are where i can really be me.

But what's even more annoying, I find nothing interesting in this world. It's as i'm reliving my life. I already know everything. Even when living daily life, from time to time i know what awaits me, but when i try change it, it fails. It's just as my destiny is already written in stone. It's annoying. Frustrating.


Just let this pain and sorrow end... somehow. I want something to happen. Something that would allow me to live in my dreams.  I'm just a pointless person right now. Just a nobody.

Those who seek death are forced to live, those who seek life, die. Ironic, isn't it?

Think of rockstars, celebrities. They die young. And those useless nobodies like me live so freaking long. It's a darn torture.

In overall, this world has nothing to give or take. All it is, is just a place to stay.