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Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Over-stressed

It has been... 2-3 (?) days since the dream. The pain hasn't gone down, it has only gone up. I've lost nearly all my will and motivation. I don't feel hungry. I don't want to speak to nearly anyone.

In the last days, i've had lots of school work (especially stuff about economics, business etc. We are supposed to read a ton of text, which i can't understand at all, so i don't read it at all and answer with pure logic). Classmates whine about tiny problems. They never know how to do something or solve it. They never think on their own. Facebook, facebook, facebook. That's all they know. Had to do a clean up on a damn old computer, which booted up for over 3 min (probably RAM problem). Launched a portable program from USB for over 2min. I was literally sleeping behind the computer.

In other words, i've been heavily depressed.
Then again, it didn't only come with negative sides. I've lately found the capability to near-instantly "program" a will into myself. For example, saying in my mind "silence" or "shutdown" to kill off everything in my mind. In order to program, the will must be precise. For hypnogogia i use the command *thought* + "initiate", and pretty much instantly, i get OBE vibes and weak hypnogogia.
I visualize the "programming" process as a menu, where i can make anything or anyone do anything. Kinda like floating GUI and selecting by thought alone.

Either way, this has been most what i've been up to.

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