I got lots of things to tell today instead of writing some random nonsense as usually.
Had a strange dream. I didn't remember it, until randomly wasting time. It had some very odd points.
It was sunny. A hot day. The environment looked something like where i've never been. It was a town, though. A plot of green grass, some fallen apart fence. In front of us, there stands a two-floor house. Wooden one. It looked as no one had used it for ages, yet there it was... standing. There was 3 of us, all males. I'm unsure who they were since i've never felt anyone with similar feeling before. They felt... different. It felt like all of were as one. I open the wooden door. I cautiously step in as the door creaks open. No one. Through the broken tainted windows, sun shines in.
We search through the first floor. *Creak*... *creak*... the floor creaks as we step. We find a locked box. Crap. Someone's coming. I run to the other room where there's a bed. Quickly hide underneath it. 2 men come in... greeeaat. My only hope now is to somehow survive and not be noticed. Luckily, the two other come and talk to them. They were fairly friendly. I crawl from underneath the bed, holding the chest. We sit where the sun shined through. On the floor (japanese style). I asked what was in it. I see a morn faces emerge. It was an urn. They speak with an expression, as in ready to cry. Their voice trembles, as in ready to break down. What they said, i still cannot get over it... "...an old lady WHO SAT ALONE ON THE CHAIR WAITING FOR SOMEONE OR SOMETHING. She seemed SAD. The last thing she said was 'I will keep waiting, until i will save myself'". Wow. Just wow. And know what? THIS:
From Update 28.03.2014:
"An old house in the middle of nowhere, on top of a small hill. Green grass with golden sunshine. The house is made of wood. Inside lives no one, but was habited by an old woman. Completely alone. Waiting for something. Inside i see old cupboard, covered in dust. There lies a rocking chair to the left of it. Golden light shines in from the right, illuminating with it's rays, as if she is still sitting there... waiting, with sad eyes that stare into the nothingness."
I did not realize it in dream. I realized it until i started remembering it.
Continuing on the dream. They requested that i would dump the ashes to the sea from a high spot, so the ashes would be carried away by the winds and waters until they return to earth. See? Another resemblance again. Fire, air, water, earth. The four elements.
I'm seriously thrown back, but what bothers me is "I will keep waiting, until i will save myself". What exactly does that mean? This is seriously bugging my depression and accelerating it in all ways. (*Repeats the line in mind several times*)... Could it be possible that it means saving myself? Waiting until i will save myself? (*Squeezes head behind hands*) Goddamnit...! This is bugging me so much for some reason! This is not making any sense! Are you asking me to save the past me? This is seriously making my brains crash.
---
(*Sighs*)... What a brain-cracker. Is that even a word? No idea.
There is something more. Not about that dream. It's an older one.
I noticed a huge resemblance between today's Reporter scene about firing rockets and stuff.
It's from "Dream log: Deafened, wind slapping crows and scary stalker" (30.12.2013):
"The most memorable scene. I walk down a street. There's a crossroad. Pretty beautiful environment (it was summer, everything was green). I look to right... "That's odd, that really looks like a tank... oh shit! It is one!" (Loud bang, can't hear anything) a huge tree falls, i nearly dodge it. I hide into nearby bush near the fence of the road. It's turning... better cover my ears this time. (dream ends)"
http://www.reporter.ee/2014/05/02/slovjansk-ukraina-eriteenistuse-piiramisrongas/
Nope. I'm done.
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