Dream log: Why won't you love me??

Well, it seems i finally had to face one of the possibilities. Hurts? Yes. Given up? No.

Me, my neighbors and classmate went to beach. It resembled Peipsi in some manner, but it seemed more tropical. The water was clear and warm. When i was sitting in water alone, i noticed my delusions (anime character whom i love. There were other characters too). I tried to blend in with the people, but they completely ignored me. This went on for a while. We decided to go back to the camps. When others left and we were alone, i asked. "Why won't you talk to me? Why only them? In what way am i inferior to them?" "Just because you can hack into few places doesn't make you anyone. (before that, i sorta hacked into few sattelites)"

**I cannot remember the exact what was said from here on, but we compared how i was inferior to others. In the end, this happened:**

(Me):"See? I'm capable of doing all the same! I don't get it. Why? Just why?? Perhaps you aren't the real one. Perhaps you are just fake of a whom i search for. The real one would never act the way you do. I will continue searching for the real one. For now, farewell."

// Dream ends


Yuuppp.... Ow. That was harsh. I might have inflicted myself more damage than i did to her. I guess the image (and personality) can corrupt once you hold onto it for long enough. Though, i did let go of the "love" a while ago. I thought that the "love" might be getting in the way of progress. I did make a promise to remember and not forget.

Man... dreams can be painful.