Yesterday, i took a nap and slept from 17:00 to 20:00. Since that was such an energy surge, i stood up 'til 2 in the morning.
What i saw in the dream was a bit strange. I remember something to do with fear (like the fear from my childhood, so that was pretty nostalgic), but what striked odd, was that, this fear was more of an 'excitement'. Kinda like "What's going to happen now? Am i gonna die again? Is something gonna spook up?" Nothing. It subsided.
I woke up just a hour later. "(*not looking at the clock, purely sensing time*) ... about 3 in the morning, eh?... Oh well, back to sleep". Also, at that point of time, i could still feel, that i wasn't completely 'here'. When i closed my eyes, i could see pictures of place where i was, still popping up.
As i fell asleep again, I'm back at the same spot again. The strange 'fear' still lingers, yet i now ignore it. I sit by the other side of the desk of where my boss sat (you know... when you go to work to get experience, that school thingy). I was drawing a house. When i finished, a guy (web designer, he was a cool guy) snatches the paper and draws his own version of it. Barely any time passed, and he showed it to me. "Here. Now THIS, is art". He had drawn one of those anamorphic illusions, and it did look really cool! I could say nothing more than compliment him. He also teached me something awesome:
"Look at the cupboards back there. You can see all kinds of details, but they do not seem unique, do they? (nods). If you look at it, there's a pattern: colors, lines and shapes (mental filtering of similar patterns). If you draw something, that's far away, draw it's shadows mild-sharp, and it's colors pale. If you draw something close-up, you wanna do the exact opposite. Draw it's shadows in a fading form. Even if the object is colorless, add opposing colors to sides. This gives it a more realistic look. For example, if this cupboard were to be pale (imagine in B&W), then add red to the object and blue to shadows. This works on the basis of our light spectrum perception. Just like how sunset's are reddish/orange, and sky blue -- This can be used to create artifical depth."
I'm not fully grasping onto this theory quite yet, but he had some good idea! I'm gonna have to digest this further for a little while.
The after waking, i had some strange dream. Then i slept in, since my phone was drained empty and THEN i had lost the goddamn key to the door. Searched it since 9 in the morning to 15:00. Goddamn sneaky keys... hiding from me.
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Update of 12.06.2014
Estonian exam: 4. Mistakes: Too difficult terminology. Could have seen that coming. Well, who cares. Passed. Now, all that is left, is biology.
The last lessons, i have been learning stuff in Codecademy. Completed HTML+CSS, AirBnB, started PHP, Java, jQuery, API and intendending to start Python.
Went to sleep early yesterday. Had a lot of dreams. I remembered 5 of them.
// Dream cuts off, i wake up.
Damn it, i still ended up describing it too much. What am i, writing a book? *sighs*
(I remember every dream at ridiculous detail. I'm just too lazy to write it all down, and i doubt anyone has the time to read this nonesense. It would go at least 2x the length of it).
The last lessons, i have been learning stuff in Codecademy. Completed HTML+CSS, AirBnB, started PHP, Java, jQuery, API and intendending to start Python.
Went to sleep early yesterday. Had a lot of dreams. I remembered 5 of them.
1 (!! Not enough Info to recall !!) -- Another goodbye
I cannot remember it, but it stood out from all others, so i can only remember what it feels like -- It feels like a goodbye. A goodbye where someone disappears.
I hate these goodbyes. They hurt too much.
I hate these goodbyes. They hurt too much.
2: I'm powerful!!
In the dream, i had the ability to learn other's abilities. Any power, anything. I could make a copy of it. Due to that, i became more powerful than anyone. I could make huge boulders into tiny pebbles (they were glowing red hot! Probably due to compression).
3: Gods' domain
It was actually a horror themed dream. I was theorizing and practicing on how to call them and how to get to where they are. The result was actually more frightening than i thought (since i was forcing them to come to my location, instead visiting them). I did make there, though. And i was pretty much instantly banished from it. It was sorta dark, moon-like place with old temples. Floating rocks and rivers... but dark. Straight after what i saw, i felt such anger as it felt like someone was pressing down on me, and i fell into a pitch black "well". Lol. This is actually pretty funny. I'm messing with "gods". Hahahaha! xD
4: Disappearance of a man
After getting banished from that place, i fell into another place. It was dark (possibly some sort of lower lever dimension of "it's"?). I turn to the left to see sandbox which is illuminated by a streetlight. In the sandbox, there are children digging something hurriedly up. I approach to see them digging up something that looks like a small, fist-sized box in Christmas wrapper. I begin to dig as well, yet find nothing. As i gave up, i noticed, that there's no one anywhere near me anymore. The kids had vanished, but it didn't quite feel like that was the case. It felt like they had gone home.
Right after, i am greeted by a female child in age of around 13-14. Despite her age, she is quite mentally mature, yet for what i see, there's grief behind her smile.
Girl: "Did you find anything?"
Me:"No... Do you happen to know what they were digging?"
Girl:"... sadly, no."
A quiet moment. A look at the sky... no stars. Just pitch blackness. My sight falls back to the girl whom is staring at the sky, as well. In her hands, there's a white blanket, she's grasping it fairly strongly, as if she were in pain. Her head falls in a tired fashion.
Girl:"... would you like to come in... for tea?"
Me:"If that's alright with you, then sure."
We go walk indoors. The house is about 4 rooms big. Kitchen with a table, which was connected to the door we came in. A few steps forward, to the left, there's a big living room. To the right, there's a big window, with one of those slide-able doors (japanese style). If you go straight ahead, there's bedroom with queen-sized bed. To the left, there's bathroom with a bathtub. I did not see them, but i could feel it.
As i step forward to the kitchen, i notice how well the rooms are lighted. It somehow made a cozy feel to it. We sit down at the table, sipping tea. I've never liked tea. I hate it, but out of respect, i harden my face and endure it.
Slight moments after:
Me: "You look grim, are you OK?"
She"(Surprised, since she wasn't aware of her own emotions), oh, um...--"
Me:"--I guess the answer is obvious. (takes a deep breath, sighs and gives a determined look), Is there any way i can help?"
She:" (Sulks), I, uh... used to live with a boy. He was like a big brother to me. A week ago, he disappeared. When i tried asking others, if they know anything of him, it's like they didn't even know him!"
For a brief moment, a picture flashes through in my mind. A boy around age of 18. I couldn't tell what he looked like, but it felt like a "setting sun". It was calming. When i analyzed around the house, it was indeed like no one else had lived here. I couldn't pick up on anything else either.
Me:"Did he say anything before his disappearance? Or told what he was going to do?"
She:" "I'll bury my feelings under the feet of all whom are who are bound by this place" "
Me:"That's obvious! The sandbox! I'll--"
She"--I searched it! Nothing was there!"
Me:"Perhaps not deep enough? Like a wise man once said:"Throwing a net over all oceans, doesn't mean you'll get all the fish".
I shall try digging deeper."
I grab a shovel and hurry onto the sandbox.
After a while of digging, i find some things. 4 tall things wrapped in Christmas wrapping and a red marker. As i turn around and step out of the sandbox, she's there, waiting eagerly.
She:"Did you-- You found something?!"
As she approaches me, i open my hands and watch as her eyes widen in amazement. She quickly grasps the red marker which had also piqued my interest. Her head falls down as she's squeezing it close to her chest, tears begin to fall. I'm confused, yet somewhat relieved. Perhaps it was the thought of hers, that he did in fact exist, that he did not "disappear". Perhaps, i was just relieved to see someone happy.
Right after, i am greeted by a female child in age of around 13-14. Despite her age, she is quite mentally mature, yet for what i see, there's grief behind her smile.
Girl: "Did you find anything?"
Me:"No... Do you happen to know what they were digging?"
Girl:"... sadly, no."
A quiet moment. A look at the sky... no stars. Just pitch blackness. My sight falls back to the girl whom is staring at the sky, as well. In her hands, there's a white blanket, she's grasping it fairly strongly, as if she were in pain. Her head falls in a tired fashion.
Girl:"... would you like to come in... for tea?"
Me:"If that's alright with you, then sure."
We go walk indoors. The house is about 4 rooms big. Kitchen with a table, which was connected to the door we came in. A few steps forward, to the left, there's a big living room. To the right, there's a big window, with one of those slide-able doors (japanese style). If you go straight ahead, there's bedroom with queen-sized bed. To the left, there's bathroom with a bathtub. I did not see them, but i could feel it.
As i step forward to the kitchen, i notice how well the rooms are lighted. It somehow made a cozy feel to it. We sit down at the table, sipping tea. I've never liked tea. I hate it, but out of respect, i harden my face and endure it.
Slight moments after:
Me: "You look grim, are you OK?"
She"(Surprised, since she wasn't aware of her own emotions), oh, um...--"
Me:"--I guess the answer is obvious. (takes a deep breath, sighs and gives a determined look), Is there any way i can help?"
She:" (Sulks), I, uh... used to live with a boy. He was like a big brother to me. A week ago, he disappeared. When i tried asking others, if they know anything of him, it's like they didn't even know him!"
For a brief moment, a picture flashes through in my mind. A boy around age of 18. I couldn't tell what he looked like, but it felt like a "setting sun". It was calming. When i analyzed around the house, it was indeed like no one else had lived here. I couldn't pick up on anything else either.
Me:"Did he say anything before his disappearance? Or told what he was going to do?"
She:" "I'll bury my feelings under the feet of all whom are who are bound by this place" "
Me:"That's obvious! The sandbox! I'll--"
She"--I searched it! Nothing was there!"
Me:"Perhaps not deep enough? Like a wise man once said:"Throwing a net over all oceans, doesn't mean you'll get all the fish".
I shall try digging deeper."
I grab a shovel and hurry onto the sandbox.
After a while of digging, i find some things. 4 tall things wrapped in Christmas wrapping and a red marker. As i turn around and step out of the sandbox, she's there, waiting eagerly.
She:"Did you-- You found something?!"
As she approaches me, i open my hands and watch as her eyes widen in amazement. She quickly grasps the red marker which had also piqued my interest. Her head falls down as she's squeezing it close to her chest, tears begin to fall. I'm confused, yet somewhat relieved. Perhaps it was the thought of hers, that he did in fact exist, that he did not "disappear". Perhaps, i was just relieved to see someone happy.
// Dream cuts off, i wake up.
Damn it, i still ended up describing it too much. What am i, writing a book? *sighs*
(I remember every dream at ridiculous detail. I'm just too lazy to write it all down, and i doubt anyone has the time to read this nonesense. It would go at least 2x the length of it).
5. Randomness...
It was fairly wacky dream. There was some story before it (I'm NOT going to be writing that nonsense). Something about a dream where 3 of us were running away from 2 dogs. For some reason, the dogs hated fireworks (you know, those crackling ones'?), so we thew those for distraction. They always found us, though, it was fun nonetheless.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Dream log: Distorted away
This is... i don't know how many'th dream in the row that has been seriously distorted. People's personalities are completely different. I cannot read their actions anymore.
Dream starts off with me somewhat expressing my rage against my mom. She gets fairly depressed. I wanted to say sorry, but she would not realize what she had done wrong, so i did not. She disappears. Thus begins my journey to search her again.
The next thing i remember, is being somewhere in a big city (something like London sub-urban areas). The environment is completely unknown to me. I do not what to expect at all (thus having a slight awareness that I'm in a dream, yet no conscious control over it. I tend to find fun in "going with the flow"). A bit later, it's night. I meet with some people who fell out of the school. Their personalities aren't as much distorted, but there is a noticeable difference. The one who i got along with, seemed to be in some sort of a gang. He was somewhat more aggressive (in real life, he was in a friendly way. He never hurt anyone, though). There was a barrel, burning something, or maybe, for heat and light. The overall mood was sad. Everyone seemed... lost, yet somehow they had enough will to support each other. The one whom i spoke of, poured water onto the fire-alarm switch (it should go off) and it went off. I ran out and looked behind with a confused face... they were just sitting there calmly (or perhaps, they seemed as there is no help). A while past, no firefighters, no nothing.
I decided to buy some coca-cola from a nearby open-air shop. In the end, i brought some kind of powdered stuff, instead of a drink. Well, it was only 2.60 (no idea how i remembered that so precisely).
As i take my leave, i come across a kid (roughly 5-7 years old). He asks where i am going. I said, that I'm not sure. That I'm in search of my mom. I told her name and he said that he was allowed to be her new "son". From that point, i sorta developed some hatred at him. Perhaps jealousy. I didn't really care a lot, so i let him follow me.
We walk across streets and he asks if i know where I'm going. Suddenly, i remembered that I've seen this place before. From a dream (paradox? Remembering dream inside a dream?). A place flashes across my eyes. A name. "Grand ???????". I begin to search for a place with that name. Luckily, i memorized big part of the path i must take.
Not long after, i find the place. I open the door... I'm on the 4-rth floor already? Hmm. Mom is speaking with 2 other women. I simply stand and look, deciding not to interrupt. The boy does not do anything, either. I could sense him looking me with fear in his mind. I do not waver.
When mom looks at me, it feels like she falls deeper into a pitch black hole. The one where I've been falling for ages. For eternity. Her eyes are lifeless. I felt sad, yet i already knew, that this personality is distorted. She is not from where i am, yet it made me wonder, perhaps, it is i, who lives many lives at once? How come i have never met myself? Many thoughts go through my mind, yet i decide to put them all aside. I say:"Did this running away help you? The one who is supposed to fall, is me, not you". I see regret from her face. She stands up without a word, and goes to another room. Her mood did lighten, though. I sit on a couch. Right in front of me, i have a clear view over the city. It's deteriorating. Everything seems to be in bad shape.
// Dream end
It's strange. Are my dreams being influenced by my mood? They never have been before. It's also strange, that this has been going on over a week now.
Also, i'm not quite sure what i meant under "falling". I think i meant the constant dreams about falling into darkness (and now the depression), but who knows. Perhaps there is a more significant meaning behind it.
Dream starts off with me somewhat expressing my rage against my mom. She gets fairly depressed. I wanted to say sorry, but she would not realize what she had done wrong, so i did not. She disappears. Thus begins my journey to search her again.
The next thing i remember, is being somewhere in a big city (something like London sub-urban areas). The environment is completely unknown to me. I do not what to expect at all (thus having a slight awareness that I'm in a dream, yet no conscious control over it. I tend to find fun in "going with the flow"). A bit later, it's night. I meet with some people who fell out of the school. Their personalities aren't as much distorted, but there is a noticeable difference. The one who i got along with, seemed to be in some sort of a gang. He was somewhat more aggressive (in real life, he was in a friendly way. He never hurt anyone, though). There was a barrel, burning something, or maybe, for heat and light. The overall mood was sad. Everyone seemed... lost, yet somehow they had enough will to support each other. The one whom i spoke of, poured water onto the fire-alarm switch (it should go off) and it went off. I ran out and looked behind with a confused face... they were just sitting there calmly (or perhaps, they seemed as there is no help). A while past, no firefighters, no nothing.
I decided to buy some coca-cola from a nearby open-air shop. In the end, i brought some kind of powdered stuff, instead of a drink. Well, it was only 2.60 (no idea how i remembered that so precisely).
As i take my leave, i come across a kid (roughly 5-7 years old). He asks where i am going. I said, that I'm not sure. That I'm in search of my mom. I told her name and he said that he was allowed to be her new "son". From that point, i sorta developed some hatred at him. Perhaps jealousy. I didn't really care a lot, so i let him follow me.
We walk across streets and he asks if i know where I'm going. Suddenly, i remembered that I've seen this place before. From a dream (paradox? Remembering dream inside a dream?). A place flashes across my eyes. A name. "Grand ???????". I begin to search for a place with that name. Luckily, i memorized big part of the path i must take.
Not long after, i find the place. I open the door... I'm on the 4-rth floor already? Hmm. Mom is speaking with 2 other women. I simply stand and look, deciding not to interrupt. The boy does not do anything, either. I could sense him looking me with fear in his mind. I do not waver.
When mom looks at me, it feels like she falls deeper into a pitch black hole. The one where I've been falling for ages. For eternity. Her eyes are lifeless. I felt sad, yet i already knew, that this personality is distorted. She is not from where i am, yet it made me wonder, perhaps, it is i, who lives many lives at once? How come i have never met myself? Many thoughts go through my mind, yet i decide to put them all aside. I say:"Did this running away help you? The one who is supposed to fall, is me, not you". I see regret from her face. She stands up without a word, and goes to another room. Her mood did lighten, though. I sit on a couch. Right in front of me, i have a clear view over the city. It's deteriorating. Everything seems to be in bad shape.
// Dream end
It's strange. Are my dreams being influenced by my mood? They never have been before. It's also strange, that this has been going on over a week now.
Also, i'm not quite sure what i meant under "falling". I think i meant the constant dreams about falling into darkness (and now the depression), but who knows. Perhaps there is a more significant meaning behind it.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Dream log: Why won't you love me??
Well, it seems i finally had to face one of the possibilities. Hurts? Yes. Given up? No.
Me, my neighbors and classmate went to beach. It resembled Peipsi in some manner, but it seemed more tropical. The water was clear and warm. When i was sitting in water alone, i noticed my delusions (anime character whom i love. There were other characters too). I tried to blend in with the people, but they completely ignored me. This went on for a while. We decided to go back to the camps. When others left and we were alone, i asked. "Why won't you talk to me? Why only them? In what way am i inferior to them?" "Just because you can hack into few places doesn't make you anyone. (before that, i sorta hacked into few sattelites)"
**I cannot remember the exact what was said from here on, but we compared how i was inferior to others. In the end, this happened:**
(Me):"See? I'm capable of doing all the same! I don't get it. Why? Just why?? Perhaps you aren't the real one. Perhaps you are just fake of a whom i search for. The real one would never act the way you do. I will continue searching for the real one. For now, farewell."
// Dream ends
Yuuppp.... Ow. That was harsh. I might have inflicted myself more damage than i did to her. I guess the image (and personality) can corrupt once you hold onto it for long enough. Though, i did let go of the "love" a while ago. I thought that the "love" might be getting in the way of progress. I did make a promise to remember and not forget.
Man... dreams can be painful.
Me, my neighbors and classmate went to beach. It resembled Peipsi in some manner, but it seemed more tropical. The water was clear and warm. When i was sitting in water alone, i noticed my delusions (anime character whom i love. There were other characters too). I tried to blend in with the people, but they completely ignored me. This went on for a while. We decided to go back to the camps. When others left and we were alone, i asked. "Why won't you talk to me? Why only them? In what way am i inferior to them?" "Just because you can hack into few places doesn't make you anyone. (before that, i sorta hacked into few sattelites)"
**I cannot remember the exact what was said from here on, but we compared how i was inferior to others. In the end, this happened:**
(Me):"See? I'm capable of doing all the same! I don't get it. Why? Just why?? Perhaps you aren't the real one. Perhaps you are just fake of a whom i search for. The real one would never act the way you do. I will continue searching for the real one. For now, farewell."
// Dream ends
Yuuppp.... Ow. That was harsh. I might have inflicted myself more damage than i did to her. I guess the image (and personality) can corrupt once you hold onto it for long enough. Though, i did let go of the "love" a while ago. I thought that the "love" might be getting in the way of progress. I did make a promise to remember and not forget.
Man... dreams can be painful.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Dreams of 8.05.2014
I'm back to my usual dream awareness and been wanting to write some.
1) The melancholy for constructs
The dream in overall describes my sadness if people could materialize a person, and then use them (from a negative perspective) then simply erase them from existence. This felt very wrong to me. Sussch was in that dream. I'm not sure why, but for some reason, his opinion about it made me slightly angry, while i could not disagree with him, either. His thought was that it was fine to trash those constructs, if it's for some greater good. Maybe that Sussch, was simply in some way, distorted by myself.
I think it's just wrong to simply use a construct for personal good (even though you created it). Then again, it's just my opinion.
2) Hatred and forgiveness
It was fairly random. I was sort of a companion throughout the dream. i never really said or did much, i simply followed and watched.
The story was about a man and woman. The man was somewhat cheating on her (well, not really. It was more of "comforting" the other). While the man is away, the woman dies due to an assassination (sniper shot). Her mind falls into a gloomy state in the end. He curses that he takes revenge on the man (not the assassin) for many future lives. She takes a form of a big black snake with many teeth.
Well, then i and him got killed for around 2-3 times. In the end, when he encounters her, he just says:"I'm sorry i wasn't there, but realize, that this hatred shall not fix what has happened. If it makes any better, then kill me again, May i take away your sorrow and hatred, and may perhaps, we live a better life next life".
And then the dream cuts off.
3) Curses
A short dream about how easily people are tricked into cursing themselves.
The weather is gloomy. The houses look fallen apart (i should somehow start calling certain dream-setups...). There is no electricity. I'm standing on a balcony of a manor (again). I got a bag of milk. Got nowhere to put it... Ah, i'll drink a little from it so i can hang onto it.
I go to see some other people (2). They are outside. What i see is:
One is yelling at the other for being cursed. The other simply accepting it. When it over and the one who yelled left, i went near the guy and said:
"Try it (offers milk)". He refuses. I sigh and simply make him take it. He asks "what am i supposed to do with it?". "What else can you do with it? Drink it."
"Why?"
"Just drink"
"(Drinks) ...so?"
"Is it sour? I thought i tasted something weird"
"(Tastes again)... i think so"
"You do realize, that there's nothing wrong with it? That you just created that "sour" yourself? Your 'curse' is nothing more but the same. You are too easily suggestible".
Walks away -- "You can have the milk. Think, but don't let those thoughts deceive you."
4) Crows
This was fairly random. 2 seasons -- winter and summer at the same time. Something about crows flying into houses. Some flew against the brick walls and died. Some caught inside, so i threw them outside again. Strangely, it seemed as if they were afraid of something outside (foreboding something, perhaps?). Did not see anything. Cat got outside due to me catching the crows and leaving the window open. I think i saw my first cat after that outside. Kinda felt sad.
OK. Back to sleep. Let's see if i have anything more interesting in reserve. :P (<-- Literally just woke up to write this)
1) The melancholy for constructs
The dream in overall describes my sadness if people could materialize a person, and then use them (from a negative perspective) then simply erase them from existence. This felt very wrong to me. Sussch was in that dream. I'm not sure why, but for some reason, his opinion about it made me slightly angry, while i could not disagree with him, either. His thought was that it was fine to trash those constructs, if it's for some greater good. Maybe that Sussch, was simply in some way, distorted by myself.
I think it's just wrong to simply use a construct for personal good (even though you created it). Then again, it's just my opinion.
2) Hatred and forgiveness
It was fairly random. I was sort of a companion throughout the dream. i never really said or did much, i simply followed and watched.
The story was about a man and woman. The man was somewhat cheating on her (well, not really. It was more of "comforting" the other). While the man is away, the woman dies due to an assassination (sniper shot). Her mind falls into a gloomy state in the end. He curses that he takes revenge on the man (not the assassin) for many future lives. She takes a form of a big black snake with many teeth.
Well, then i and him got killed for around 2-3 times. In the end, when he encounters her, he just says:"I'm sorry i wasn't there, but realize, that this hatred shall not fix what has happened. If it makes any better, then kill me again, May i take away your sorrow and hatred, and may perhaps, we live a better life next life".
And then the dream cuts off.
3) Curses
A short dream about how easily people are tricked into cursing themselves.
The weather is gloomy. The houses look fallen apart (i should somehow start calling certain dream-setups...). There is no electricity. I'm standing on a balcony of a manor (again). I got a bag of milk. Got nowhere to put it... Ah, i'll drink a little from it so i can hang onto it.
I go to see some other people (2). They are outside. What i see is:
One is yelling at the other for being cursed. The other simply accepting it. When it over and the one who yelled left, i went near the guy and said:
"Try it (offers milk)". He refuses. I sigh and simply make him take it. He asks "what am i supposed to do with it?". "What else can you do with it? Drink it."
"Why?"
"Just drink"
"(Drinks) ...so?"
"Is it sour? I thought i tasted something weird"
"(Tastes again)... i think so"
"You do realize, that there's nothing wrong with it? That you just created that "sour" yourself? Your 'curse' is nothing more but the same. You are too easily suggestible".
Walks away -- "You can have the milk. Think, but don't let those thoughts deceive you."
4) Crows
This was fairly random. 2 seasons -- winter and summer at the same time. Something about crows flying into houses. Some flew against the brick walls and died. Some caught inside, so i threw them outside again. Strangely, it seemed as if they were afraid of something outside (foreboding something, perhaps?). Did not see anything. Cat got outside due to me catching the crows and leaving the window open. I think i saw my first cat after that outside. Kinda felt sad.
OK. Back to sleep. Let's see if i have anything more interesting in reserve. :P (<-- Literally just woke up to write this)
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Update of 10.04.2014
Had an awesome dream. Could manipulate water and fire, but mainly water. Created water ball, then generated a construct that would hold the other layer together. Handed it to other people. When it broke, i reached out my hand and the water would levitate up in streams. I did generate a fireball but i discharged it myself.
Usually, i lose all the abilities when the dream is about to end. In this i didn't (even though i was really near it, i managed to still pull it off).
Did have a strange dream aside it. Me, a former classmate (who i had crush on in elementary school) and someone else were playing together in snow. We never actually were friends (since i was the "weird". I used to cry a lot too and was bullied for it for the rest of my school days). Though, i do remember a moment, w-- ... damn. I now cought up with myself.
True, i was bullied. But there was a point of time where we had fun. Me, the girl (former classmate) and boy (also former classmate) once played tag at a late evening summer. Everything was great, but i still felt like i had no chance with her. I felt being left out. As i wasn't even there. It was pretty painful. The same pretty much happened in the dream. She did ask me to come over, but i still felt the same as i did back then.
Aside from dreams, did some random pentesting (mainly mysql) on random webpages. Managed to gain access to one website's database. It had all passwords and emails with no encryption what-so-ever. Sent an email to the creator with what mistakes he has made with proof that i had gained access to his database.
Did some drawing yesterday. Trying to think of a way to simplyfy the creation of hands. Nothing much really. It's easier to draw in "model-grid" than randomly from head, that's for sure.
Sunday will be first day for planting saplings. Cool. They started earlier than i expected. That's all the better for me. Then again, they said they weren't sure how far it is. Hmmh... dang.
Usually, i lose all the abilities when the dream is about to end. In this i didn't (even though i was really near it, i managed to still pull it off).
Did have a strange dream aside it. Me, a former classmate (who i had crush on in elementary school) and someone else were playing together in snow. We never actually were friends (since i was the "weird". I used to cry a lot too and was bullied for it for the rest of my school days). Though, i do remember a moment, w-- ... damn. I now cought up with myself.
True, i was bullied. But there was a point of time where we had fun. Me, the girl (former classmate) and boy (also former classmate) once played tag at a late evening summer. Everything was great, but i still felt like i had no chance with her. I felt being left out. As i wasn't even there. It was pretty painful. The same pretty much happened in the dream. She did ask me to come over, but i still felt the same as i did back then.
Aside from dreams, did some random pentesting (mainly mysql) on random webpages. Managed to gain access to one website's database. It had all passwords and emails with no encryption what-so-ever. Sent an email to the creator with what mistakes he has made with proof that i had gained access to his database.
Did some drawing yesterday. Trying to think of a way to simplyfy the creation of hands. Nothing much really. It's easier to draw in "model-grid" than randomly from head, that's for sure.
Sunday will be first day for planting saplings. Cool. They started earlier than i expected. That's all the better for me. Then again, they said they weren't sure how far it is. Hmmh... dang.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Dream log: Left behind
Dream starts from the point where i join a cult. They were hanging out in some sort of old ruins. It was fairly green and bumpy land. They didn't set any rules for except, not to harm others with your own power (unless attacked). I was given a ring. This ring has the ability to manipulate water. There was 3 of us in total. We went to a city (building looked fairly tall. Around 3 storied buildings? Made of wood and some of stone). It was winter. Since the other two went to do things and i had nothing to do, i tried out the ability. I picked up some snow and made it into a ball of snow. I melted it, while attempting to retain it's form, then froze it so much that when i threw it in air, it blew into multiple long icicles that rained down.
Then came a point, where i acquired another ring. I'm not sure from where, but not from the cult. We were heading back and someone had joined us. I asked if he knew anything of it. He looked surprised and said "this ring looks like from eastern lands! I've never seen one (apparently, the eastern cults had all died out... somehow) myself, but i think this ring had the ability to control people's thoughts and amplify them. That also means yours".
Not long, we were walking and i was always falling behind. I kept running to close them, yet again i fell behind. Soon the cap was so huge that i had a momentary fear of being left behind. I forgot that i had the ring... my head gets really dizzy, i collapse to the ground, trying to control this feeling. They run back, but i already managed to get control of it. From that point, i had an idea. No... a will. I used the thought control to control the other rings power to create a different power. I immidiately tested this, and i was capable of getting fire, lightning, water, TK and even combine all of them. That's where this dream ends.
Dream 2: Continuation?
Not quite sure how this one started but it had a similar storyline to it. I attempted to create fire around my hand from pure energy. Interestingly, i did learn a form of deeper concentration due to it. At first, i tried to force it, which yielded low results. With concentration, i first started to see smoke/steam coming off around my hand, and soon, those smokes formed into colorful flames. But the thing was, the more i concentrated, the bigger they got. Soon they were nearly the height of the ceiling and i had to stop.
(14:58)
Forgot to mention that i saw 2 shooting stars yesterday. One was barely noticable, but there was a clear tail to it. You know... the smoke/wave thing behind it?
Then came a point, where i acquired another ring. I'm not sure from where, but not from the cult. We were heading back and someone had joined us. I asked if he knew anything of it. He looked surprised and said "this ring looks like from eastern lands! I've never seen one (apparently, the eastern cults had all died out... somehow) myself, but i think this ring had the ability to control people's thoughts and amplify them. That also means yours".
Not long, we were walking and i was always falling behind. I kept running to close them, yet again i fell behind. Soon the cap was so huge that i had a momentary fear of being left behind. I forgot that i had the ring... my head gets really dizzy, i collapse to the ground, trying to control this feeling. They run back, but i already managed to get control of it. From that point, i had an idea. No... a will. I used the thought control to control the other rings power to create a different power. I immidiately tested this, and i was capable of getting fire, lightning, water, TK and even combine all of them. That's where this dream ends.
Dream 2: Continuation?
Not quite sure how this one started but it had a similar storyline to it. I attempted to create fire around my hand from pure energy. Interestingly, i did learn a form of deeper concentration due to it. At first, i tried to force it, which yielded low results. With concentration, i first started to see smoke/steam coming off around my hand, and soon, those smokes formed into colorful flames. But the thing was, the more i concentrated, the bigger they got. Soon they were nearly the height of the ceiling and i had to stop.
(14:58)
Forgot to mention that i saw 2 shooting stars yesterday. One was barely noticable, but there was a clear tail to it. You know... the smoke/wave thing behind it?
Friday, March 14, 2014
Dream: Planets? Aliens?
(Straight to the dream)
I was at home, staring outside. It was cloudy. On weather news, they promised stormy weather. I keep staring outside, as if knowing, that one that, something will come from there.
Time goes on. It's night. I see something. First, it was rather dim light, but then keeps getting brighter. Soon, the whole sky is filled with lights. Galaxies in various colors, planets. Some of them were so close, that it would fill most of your view.
Dream changes. I went outside. The old building near the local sauna was torn apart. Some places burnt to crisp (it did once caught fire, it was quite beautiful. When i woke up, i saw tons of little sparks flying, like one of those fountain fireworks. I even had some pictures of it). When i was inside, it was still OK. I decide to go look around there. I found something strange... a syringe with glowing green stuff. Soon, i was running away due to them wanting it. I was trapped. I had nowhere to run. I did something out of the ordinary. I injected myself with it (the tip of the syringe was around half of the size of your pinky). Not only the injection hurt, the liquid did as well. I mean A LOT. When i opened my eyes, i was floating in midair, the men who were chasing me, gone. No idea what had happened.
And that's where me memory cuts off. There are still images of some stuff happening, but i'm not sure how or where to fit them.
Funny thing is, that i've been injected with various chemicals before (in dreams). Said that it's for my "own good". Still don't realize what's it about.
I was at home, staring outside. It was cloudy. On weather news, they promised stormy weather. I keep staring outside, as if knowing, that one that, something will come from there.
Time goes on. It's night. I see something. First, it was rather dim light, but then keeps getting brighter. Soon, the whole sky is filled with lights. Galaxies in various colors, planets. Some of them were so close, that it would fill most of your view.
Dream changes. I went outside. The old building near the local sauna was torn apart. Some places burnt to crisp (it did once caught fire, it was quite beautiful. When i woke up, i saw tons of little sparks flying, like one of those fountain fireworks. I even had some pictures of it). When i was inside, it was still OK. I decide to go look around there. I found something strange... a syringe with glowing green stuff. Soon, i was running away due to them wanting it. I was trapped. I had nowhere to run. I did something out of the ordinary. I injected myself with it (the tip of the syringe was around half of the size of your pinky). Not only the injection hurt, the liquid did as well. I mean A LOT. When i opened my eyes, i was floating in midair, the men who were chasing me, gone. No idea what had happened.
And that's where me memory cuts off. There are still images of some stuff happening, but i'm not sure how or where to fit them.
Funny thing is, that i've been injected with various chemicals before (in dreams). Said that it's for my "own good". Still don't realize what's it about.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Fading indeed...
People manage to make me furious lately. Just because i don't say anything doesn't mean I'm angry, and asking 'Why are you angry' is only going to make me more. Mom did this and I said with an angry tone:"If you don't understand something, then keep your nose out of it". There are points where i am in sync with a lot of dimensions and do not wish to be disturbed, since then there's a high probability of causing unintentional PK (in massive size). Simply walking home like that had all the lights pulsing around me. So please, mind your own business.
(Not to even mention, still being somewhat in sync later. Sitting on the floor, staring at one point. "Dad" said that i should learn to know myself. Know what? Fuck off. I know myself very well and I'm very conscious about my decisions and actions.)
I seriously have started hating people who don't understand, yet still meddle in other's affairs. I feel like i want to erase them from existence.
*Sighs*, I haven't been under stress lately. Nothing has happened, yet I'm changing. I want to be alone. More than ever. I mean like not speaking or even encountering people at all.
Classmates were a pain in the ass. Wanted me to join the "Noor Meister" competition. I rejected. After 2 lessons of annoying me (2 + 2 teachers), they gave up. Good riddance. I got better to do with my time than that.
Had an unintentional OBE in a dream. Wanted to speak to a dead monk. Never made it.
The dreams have been much deeper. 7 hours is now sufficient for full rest. The wake up is more difficult, though. Simply opening eyes feels like looking at the sun and it was rather dark (i have dark blue curtains, so barely any light comes in. Most is blue, but even that's so little).
I'm considering on concentrating more on PK and stuff from now on. I feel different. Perhaps i am fading.
(Not to even mention, still being somewhat in sync later. Sitting on the floor, staring at one point. "Dad" said that i should learn to know myself. Know what? Fuck off. I know myself very well and I'm very conscious about my decisions and actions.)
I seriously have started hating people who don't understand, yet still meddle in other's affairs. I feel like i want to erase them from existence.
*Sighs*, I haven't been under stress lately. Nothing has happened, yet I'm changing. I want to be alone. More than ever. I mean like not speaking or even encountering people at all.
Classmates were a pain in the ass. Wanted me to join the "Noor Meister" competition. I rejected. After 2 lessons of annoying me (2 + 2 teachers), they gave up. Good riddance. I got better to do with my time than that.
Had an unintentional OBE in a dream. Wanted to speak to a dead monk. Never made it.
The dreams have been much deeper. 7 hours is now sufficient for full rest. The wake up is more difficult, though. Simply opening eyes feels like looking at the sun and it was rather dark (i have dark blue curtains, so barely any light comes in. Most is blue, but even that's so little).
I'm considering on concentrating more on PK and stuff from now on. I feel different. Perhaps i am fading.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Dream: Ghosts
I think i finally understood why ghosts (not all) are so angry with us.
Dream takes off at a local shop, which sells all kinds of paperwork stuff. I needed some pens for school. I put a 10€ bill on the table and then rethink, that i must have some smaller change. I put the change on the table. Then i'm told to recount that since the cashier wasn't there. I... can't! I keep forgetting. It's so difficult that it makes me dizzy. I try so hard that i lose consciousness. Collapse to the ground. Soon, i wake up, and try again and barely manage it. I had given 4 cents more than was needed. While all that was going, i asked if she believes in ghosts. She says yes. I ask if she knows anybody called "Sussch" (instead of this, here was his real name). She says yes again... that he once came here. She also says that he has some hard work coming up. Not sure if she meant that as an exam or something. No idea on that part.
Then all the crap broke loose. She decides to prank me. She shows me a path behind the counter, says that it's haunted by ghosts. Then some other people scare me. Doing this in 3 times in row, i got pissed. I said:" Do it". The path they showed me, blew apart like a tornado had hit it (the path was around the length of a 5 dining tables).
Doing it once, good, but do it more than once pisses me off.
And i wonder what they meant by the Sussch part...
Dream takes off at a local shop, which sells all kinds of paperwork stuff. I needed some pens for school. I put a 10€ bill on the table and then rethink, that i must have some smaller change. I put the change on the table. Then i'm told to recount that since the cashier wasn't there. I... can't! I keep forgetting. It's so difficult that it makes me dizzy. I try so hard that i lose consciousness. Collapse to the ground. Soon, i wake up, and try again and barely manage it. I had given 4 cents more than was needed. While all that was going, i asked if she believes in ghosts. She says yes. I ask if she knows anybody called "Sussch" (instead of this, here was his real name). She says yes again... that he once came here. She also says that he has some hard work coming up. Not sure if she meant that as an exam or something. No idea on that part.
Then all the crap broke loose. She decides to prank me. She shows me a path behind the counter, says that it's haunted by ghosts. Then some other people scare me. Doing this in 3 times in row, i got pissed. I said:" Do it". The path they showed me, blew apart like a tornado had hit it (the path was around the length of a 5 dining tables).
Doing it once, good, but do it more than once pisses me off.
And i wonder what they meant by the Sussch part...
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Blenderin n' stuff (12.02.2014)
Been studying Blender for quite the while now. Following BlenderGuru's and BlenderCookie's tutorials, learning new stuff. I should learn more about rigging. Not much new stuff pops up anymore.
The latest i've made are these.
(Had to covert into jpeg... google apparently doesn't like png's for some reason.)
![]()
I'm just gonna leave the links here if anyone ever wants to download. I really don't care. I just do it for knowledge, and hope to get better.
There have been some minor geisting going on. The one that surprised me the most was when i woke up (around 8 at evening), sat in computer chair and watched 'Reporter' for a while. When the voting part came in, left side of the tv glitched out for a moment. It was quite interesting.
PK is rather stable. I constantly have the feeling that if i need to use it, i can.. well... i somewhat do. When trucks drive past through a puddle of water, i would attempt to create a wall. Or i would purposely step forcefully into a puddle (which sets the water and half-mold snow flying around me), i would try suspending them in air.
Not much really is going on right now. I'm tired, that's the main thing (even though we only had 2 lessons today... teacher was "sick"). Well, either way, the current life is rather boring. Constrained.
No OBE's, some odd dreams (which i can't remember except the fact something bad happened), some stuff pulled my mood pretty down, felt disgusted and guilty. Yeah... that's pretty much all.
The latest i've made are these.
(Had to covert into jpeg... google apparently doesn't like png's for some reason.)
I'm just gonna leave the links here if anyone ever wants to download. I really don't care. I just do it for knowledge, and hope to get better.
There have been some minor geisting going on. The one that surprised me the most was when i woke up (around 8 at evening), sat in computer chair and watched 'Reporter' for a while. When the voting part came in, left side of the tv glitched out for a moment. It was quite interesting.
PK is rather stable. I constantly have the feeling that if i need to use it, i can.. well... i somewhat do. When trucks drive past through a puddle of water, i would attempt to create a wall. Or i would purposely step forcefully into a puddle (which sets the water and half-mold snow flying around me), i would try suspending them in air.
Not much really is going on right now. I'm tired, that's the main thing (even though we only had 2 lessons today... teacher was "sick"). Well, either way, the current life is rather boring. Constrained.
No OBE's, some odd dreams (which i can't remember except the fact something bad happened), some stuff pulled my mood pretty down, felt disgusted and guilty. Yeah... that's pretty much all.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Dream log: I was killed twice, apparently. (+ general log)
I cannot remember getting killed twice, but so i said.
I'm not sure what was going on. Cannot remember. All i remember, is someone coming after me. He placed hand on my forehead and then it suddenly got really peaceful and my heart stopped. Soon, my heart started up again.
Apart from that, the new year crap is boring. Everyone's having "fun" in the living room, whilist i am laying here in bed, listening to music and watching anime. These people bore me, so i say straight to the face:" I'll be in the other room, not existing for a certain period of time". Not to even mention mom's friends who brought their kids along... I really, really hate noise and nonsense.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Dream log: Deafened, wind slapping crows and a scary stalker
I better write these down before i forget.
Dream 1: Tanks...
The most memorable scene. I walk down a street. There's a crossroad. Pretty beautiful environment (it was summer, everything was green). I look to right... "That's odd, that really looks like a tank... oh shit! It is one!" (Loud bang, can't hear anything) a huge tree falls, i nearly dodge it. I hide into nearby bush near the fence of the road. It's turning... better cover my ears this time. (dream ends)
Dream 2: A crappy birthday party
It all starts with my mom wanting to get some wallpaper from a nearby store. She does buy some... only to use it on her shoes (no idea).
At home, i'm just sitting in my room, not wanting to do anything with the guests (i kinda hate crowds of people. I'm a bad host and cannot entertain others). More people come...especially who i don't know. A pair of girls give me a piece of paper and say:"I bet you can easily decypher this". I attempt to read, but cannot understand, so i throw it on a shelf and say "I can't right now... my head feels like exploding". I go to the kitchen, take a lighter, release some gas in my mouth and light it. Bang. Greeaaat.... i'm deaf again. So there i am, sitting in the living room with others, slowly regenerating my hearing. When i heard them talk about me, i laughed, replied something with a dead serious face and ran out the door (that's kind of a thing i would rarely do :D ).
Outside... bored. A hell of a wind goes past me and gives me an idea. I see a crow and decide to wind slap it down to earth (don't ask me why... i just wanted to hold one lol). Went to grab it... damn, that bastard keeps trying to bite me. Well, i never got to hold it and got bitten. Guess it serves me right.
Also, a weird part of the dream was that there were kittens everywhere.
Dream 3: How great. An immortal stalker with superpowers who wishes to kill everyone.
Funny thing, i got even backstory to her.
The place it takes off, is some sort of a cargo holding facility. There are various machines too.
We are running away from her. We try to stop her no matter what. I see a van de graaff generator and think that would surely immobilize her... nope. She somehow gets under a trendmill but still survives. She flies off the other end, having major bruises yet nothing. I hit her on the head with a piece of wood, then on the back of the neck... nothing. We decide to run. She was obviously after me, no idea why.
As others have run away, i am walking home on a dark rainy day. Suddenly, a lightning hits the ground far away. I knew it... it was her. As soon as i saw another lightning bolt hit the ground, i jumped up (since the ground was wet, and it was her intention to electrocute me). I decide, that i continue walking on wooden fences. Still safer than on ground.
(Wake up, force back to sleep)
I'm on a computer, researching her. There are huge drawn faces on my wall. Her faces. They change. Quite creepy.
Suddenly, i'm in a memory of hers. I see an old man and her. It's snowy and snowing. Somewhere in the mountains. It was a skiing trip, i think. The old man says:"I cannot go on, i'm so tired. Just leave me here". The girl shakes her head, places hands on the man and gave her energy to him. The old man didn't live long. He died. The girl was crying.
The reason she tried to kill me was a test to see if i am immortal, so she wouldn't have to relive one of those memories.
Well, one thing is sure. It wasn't boring.
Dream 1: Tanks...
The most memorable scene. I walk down a street. There's a crossroad. Pretty beautiful environment (it was summer, everything was green). I look to right... "That's odd, that really looks like a tank... oh shit! It is one!" (Loud bang, can't hear anything) a huge tree falls, i nearly dodge it. I hide into nearby bush near the fence of the road. It's turning... better cover my ears this time. (dream ends)
Dream 2: A crappy birthday party
It all starts with my mom wanting to get some wallpaper from a nearby store. She does buy some... only to use it on her shoes (no idea).
At home, i'm just sitting in my room, not wanting to do anything with the guests (i kinda hate crowds of people. I'm a bad host and cannot entertain others). More people come...especially who i don't know. A pair of girls give me a piece of paper and say:"I bet you can easily decypher this". I attempt to read, but cannot understand, so i throw it on a shelf and say "I can't right now... my head feels like exploding". I go to the kitchen, take a lighter, release some gas in my mouth and light it. Bang. Greeaaat.... i'm deaf again. So there i am, sitting in the living room with others, slowly regenerating my hearing. When i heard them talk about me, i laughed, replied something with a dead serious face and ran out the door (that's kind of a thing i would rarely do :D ).
Outside... bored. A hell of a wind goes past me and gives me an idea. I see a crow and decide to wind slap it down to earth (don't ask me why... i just wanted to hold one lol). Went to grab it... damn, that bastard keeps trying to bite me. Well, i never got to hold it and got bitten. Guess it serves me right.
Also, a weird part of the dream was that there were kittens everywhere.
Dream 3: How great. An immortal stalker with superpowers who wishes to kill everyone.
Funny thing, i got even backstory to her.
The place it takes off, is some sort of a cargo holding facility. There are various machines too.
We are running away from her. We try to stop her no matter what. I see a van de graaff generator and think that would surely immobilize her... nope. She somehow gets under a trendmill but still survives. She flies off the other end, having major bruises yet nothing. I hit her on the head with a piece of wood, then on the back of the neck... nothing. We decide to run. She was obviously after me, no idea why.
As others have run away, i am walking home on a dark rainy day. Suddenly, a lightning hits the ground far away. I knew it... it was her. As soon as i saw another lightning bolt hit the ground, i jumped up (since the ground was wet, and it was her intention to electrocute me). I decide, that i continue walking on wooden fences. Still safer than on ground.
(Wake up, force back to sleep)
I'm on a computer, researching her. There are huge drawn faces on my wall. Her faces. They change. Quite creepy.
Suddenly, i'm in a memory of hers. I see an old man and her. It's snowy and snowing. Somewhere in the mountains. It was a skiing trip, i think. The old man says:"I cannot go on, i'm so tired. Just leave me here". The girl shakes her head, places hands on the man and gave her energy to him. The old man didn't live long. He died. The girl was crying.
The reason she tried to kill me was a test to see if i am immortal, so she wouldn't have to relive one of those memories.
Well, one thing is sure. It wasn't boring.
Monday, December 23, 2013
Problems around every corner...
Whatever i may do, it grows so stressful. Even when i don't do anything, the stress keeps growing. I'm getting scared, that whatever i may touch, will go off in flames.
Even when i watch the LCD screen (no matter what LCD) it starts to flicker a little, then my attention grows to that and so does geisting. Soon enough, i can see the refresh rate of the screen.
This isn't only with electronics. No matter what, i get scared. I feel guilt growing every second. The thought, that frequently pops into my mind is that i would like to get away from everything and everyone. I may be running away from the problem, but at least this way, i won't end up destroying things...
---
Edit: Down i hit again. 21:11, 23.12.2013... feeling shit as hell again. I should mark these events down.
The only thing that seems to make it better is not talking to anyone and embrace it at it's fullest. Recall a dream, and gain happiness from it.
http://pkalar.blogspot.com/2013/07/dream-log-i-have-no-words-to-describe.html
Second part of the dream... it still warms my heart. I guess this block of ice still has some warmth to it.
Thank you, for once again, little girl.
---
Right! I'll use this little positivity that i have to write down today's dreams.
Dream log: The end of Earth and the New Earth
It wasn't quite randomly generated environment. It took off straight away from what people called 'New Earth'. This planet had 3 suns and the average temperature was around 40C. Days did not last very long, around 12 hours. There wasn't much life. I come across some people... they were part of a cult. When i spoke to them, they wanted me to join. I asked "Why?", which they replied "Because we need money to get off this planet". On that planet, there were only very few people. Hundreds, at most. They were paid to stay together. Some used that money to build homes, others, to find life outside this planet. I asked few more questions. "What happened to the 'old earth'?" ... "Solar flare". The planet lasted for 30 millenniums (i don't know from what or from when), and this (New Earth, not this one) will only exist for 40 millenniums.
From that point, it got a little random. Looking up, i saw 3 suns. One large (I'd say about the size of 3-4 times our current sun, when you look to the sky), medium (still bigger than the current one) and a small one (it was giving off white-ish light). Sky was orange. They arrangement was somewhat similar to this:
Even when i watch the LCD screen (no matter what LCD) it starts to flicker a little, then my attention grows to that and so does geisting. Soon enough, i can see the refresh rate of the screen.
This isn't only with electronics. No matter what, i get scared. I feel guilt growing every second. The thought, that frequently pops into my mind is that i would like to get away from everything and everyone. I may be running away from the problem, but at least this way, i won't end up destroying things...
---
Edit: Down i hit again. 21:11, 23.12.2013... feeling shit as hell again. I should mark these events down.
The only thing that seems to make it better is not talking to anyone and embrace it at it's fullest. Recall a dream, and gain happiness from it.
http://pkalar.blogspot.com/2013/07/dream-log-i-have-no-words-to-describe.html
Second part of the dream... it still warms my heart. I guess this block of ice still has some warmth to it.
Thank you, for once again, little girl.
---
Right! I'll use this little positivity that i have to write down today's dreams.
Dream log: The end of Earth and the New Earth
It wasn't quite randomly generated environment. It took off straight away from what people called 'New Earth'. This planet had 3 suns and the average temperature was around 40C. Days did not last very long, around 12 hours. There wasn't much life. I come across some people... they were part of a cult. When i spoke to them, they wanted me to join. I asked "Why?", which they replied "Because we need money to get off this planet". On that planet, there were only very few people. Hundreds, at most. They were paid to stay together. Some used that money to build homes, others, to find life outside this planet. I asked few more questions. "What happened to the 'old earth'?" ... "Solar flare". The planet lasted for 30 millenniums (i don't know from what or from when), and this (New Earth, not this one) will only exist for 40 millenniums.
From that point, it got a little random. Looking up, i saw 3 suns. One large (I'd say about the size of 3-4 times our current sun, when you look to the sky), medium (still bigger than the current one) and a small one (it was giving off white-ish light). Sky was orange. They arrangement was somewhat similar to this:
Further one from this point, it's useless to write it down. It got totally random and distorted. I do not remember clearly, either.
Monday, December 16, 2013
A restless night
Attempted OBE last night... ended up trying til' morning. Feeling really tired. Couldn't fall asleep because there was always some crap playing in my head. But i did manage to see one dream! It was rather interesting.
It was the age when common people ruled the earth. They used nicknames (like usernames for a site) for business. From the major part, it was quite peaceful, but there was this odd side too.
One night, i dreamt. What i saw was a blur. I see a figure approaching me. A voice appears:"Do you want power?" ... "Yes." Next morning i woke up to find this weird pill on the desk in my room. It looked metallic and cylindrical. I ate it. Weird things started to happen; Eye-sight became very ... odd. The focus of my vision zoomed into any object at VERY long distances and the un-focused part remained the same. I felt really high, i mean that literally. It's as if i was watching myself from above. Mom walks into the room, my hands shake, not of fear, but from excitement. I hide my hands behind my back. Mom leaves, effect wears off.
Next night, i meet this guy again. He asks:"Do you want more?" "Yes, please." He gives me a whole big bottle of them. I wake up... i'm holding them. I'm looking at the news and hear from somewhere "WillBilly has got sloppy." I immediately knew they were referring to those weird metal cylindrical thingies. Was he who gave them to me?
I'm going outside. About to close the door when a guy runs up, in a panic. Asks with a worried face:"Do you have any of those pills??" "Yes, i do.", he starts walking towards me with a happy face. "Stop", i say. "In exchange, i want information". "Yes, yes... anything!"... i think to myself "Is this just hunger for powers or addiction? Not that they are so different... but still". I ask "What are those things?" he immediately says with a surprised face "You don't know? Those pills will do what you want them to do! They are only handed to FEW people!! (He made it sound, as in around 10 at most, or even less)". I let out a sigh and tell him to follow me. I gave him a few (even though i had a whole bottle of them). He thanks a lot and leaves running with a happy face.
Time passes, it's evening. I'm sitting behind a desk with (*Deja vu moment... i remembered some kind of future event of my life*) my mom. I ask if she wants to try one of those weird pills. To my amazement, she agrees (she would never). I ask if she feels anything. She says in a disappointed voice "yeah, barely". Has she tried it before or is she just resistant towards it? Who knows.
(Dream cuts off. Follows a long, sleepless night.)
Well, it was an interesting dream. The closest i can describe that feeling when i took one, was like i took a TON of energy and it overpowered my system so much, that it forced me to a different mind set. In other words, half-OBE.
"What you want them to be", eh?...
It was the age when common people ruled the earth. They used nicknames (like usernames for a site) for business. From the major part, it was quite peaceful, but there was this odd side too.
One night, i dreamt. What i saw was a blur. I see a figure approaching me. A voice appears:"Do you want power?" ... "Yes." Next morning i woke up to find this weird pill on the desk in my room. It looked metallic and cylindrical. I ate it. Weird things started to happen; Eye-sight became very ... odd. The focus of my vision zoomed into any object at VERY long distances and the un-focused part remained the same. I felt really high, i mean that literally. It's as if i was watching myself from above. Mom walks into the room, my hands shake, not of fear, but from excitement. I hide my hands behind my back. Mom leaves, effect wears off.
Next night, i meet this guy again. He asks:"Do you want more?" "Yes, please." He gives me a whole big bottle of them. I wake up... i'm holding them. I'm looking at the news and hear from somewhere "WillBilly has got sloppy." I immediately knew they were referring to those weird metal cylindrical thingies. Was he who gave them to me?
I'm going outside. About to close the door when a guy runs up, in a panic. Asks with a worried face:"Do you have any of those pills??" "Yes, i do.", he starts walking towards me with a happy face. "Stop", i say. "In exchange, i want information". "Yes, yes... anything!"... i think to myself "Is this just hunger for powers or addiction? Not that they are so different... but still". I ask "What are those things?" he immediately says with a surprised face "You don't know? Those pills will do what you want them to do! They are only handed to FEW people!! (He made it sound, as in around 10 at most, or even less)". I let out a sigh and tell him to follow me. I gave him a few (even though i had a whole bottle of them). He thanks a lot and leaves running with a happy face.
Time passes, it's evening. I'm sitting behind a desk with (*Deja vu moment... i remembered some kind of future event of my life*) my mom. I ask if she wants to try one of those weird pills. To my amazement, she agrees (she would never). I ask if she feels anything. She says in a disappointed voice "yeah, barely". Has she tried it before or is she just resistant towards it? Who knows.
(Dream cuts off. Follows a long, sleepless night.)
Well, it was an interesting dream. The closest i can describe that feeling when i took one, was like i took a TON of energy and it overpowered my system so much, that it forced me to a different mind set. In other words, half-OBE.
"What you want them to be", eh?...
Saturday, December 14, 2013
PK block + OBE update + Dreams
From one side comes good, from other.. bad. In PK, i'm failing absolutely. If i'd go to PK school, i'd drop out. I get connection and everything, but PK doesn't take effect. Probably because i don't train much.
On the other side, i'm making progress with OBE again. It has kinda become a habit to try OBE every night. I'm facing another problem. When i enter a reality, i either get kicked out or lose consciousness. Now i have to find a way to stay awake when entering into these worlds.
(It's kinda like when you try to see in the dark. One moment you can see clearly, the other, all goes black. The images are too unstable. Concentration problem, perhaps?)
Aside from all the previous, i'm starting to remember dreams again.
(*Deleted major part of the dreams.*)
In the dream, i'm in a more futuristic environment. Spaceship-ish. Lights on the walls, most stuff made of metal. There were no windows. Just when i'm about to take a step, i see a commercial with sex. I mean like all private parts were allowed, with "action" (if you understand what i mean). A bit disgusted after seeing it, i get a letter (in a paper form). I look at it confused. It was rather large. I couldn't make out what was written on it. I open it and the first thing i see, is about the conspiracy about that weird commercial that i saw. I read:"
(Something like this, i cannot remember the exact text.)
(Dream ends.)
The next dream is pointless to tell (probably...).
Also, i for some reason seem to believe that i will live for 2400 years. It feels right. That would be troublesome though (everyone seems to say 100 years is long time, but it seems rather short to me. Maybe i'm just trying to play god, who knows.)
On the other side, i'm making progress with OBE again. It has kinda become a habit to try OBE every night. I'm facing another problem. When i enter a reality, i either get kicked out or lose consciousness. Now i have to find a way to stay awake when entering into these worlds.
(It's kinda like when you try to see in the dark. One moment you can see clearly, the other, all goes black. The images are too unstable. Concentration problem, perhaps?)
Aside from all the previous, i'm starting to remember dreams again.
(*Deleted major part of the dreams.*)
In the dream, i'm in a more futuristic environment. Spaceship-ish. Lights on the walls, most stuff made of metal. There were no windows. Just when i'm about to take a step, i see a commercial with sex. I mean like all private parts were allowed, with "action" (if you understand what i mean). A bit disgusted after seeing it, i get a letter (in a paper form). I look at it confused. It was rather large. I couldn't make out what was written on it. I open it and the first thing i see, is about the conspiracy about that weird commercial that i saw. I read:"
(Something like this, i cannot remember the exact text.)
*** are actually fine with such ad's?!
Many have seen, and perhaps already have joined the resistance, against that ad. Just a short while after publishing, there was a big outrage. People are still protesting, yet nothing is done about it.
Quoting ***:" (Woman voice speaks) I see nothing wrong with it and i believe it's a great example for children. After all, we all have similar bodies, what's there to hide?".
But that's not all. According to the head of *** (the one who allows publishing such stuff), he thinks likewise.
// This was only part of the top of the page. I couldn't even take a look at the other pages! Damn! //
(Dream ends.)
The next dream is pointless to tell (probably...).
Also, i for some reason seem to believe that i will live for 2400 years. It feels right. That would be troublesome though (everyone seems to say 100 years is long time, but it seems rather short to me. Maybe i'm just trying to play god, who knows.)
Friday, December 6, 2013
Tranquilizer, dreams...
I went to the dentist at 10:00 and came back. It's 13:42 and it has still not worn off. That makes 3 hours and 42 minutes. Usually it wears off in about half hour so what gives?
The tranquilizer didn't take effect either at first. I had to bear with the pain. Sucks. My tooth still hurts.
(I seriously hate dentists, but not the people personally)
Last night while being stalked by another entity, i decided to hit the hay. I was attempting to send out some sort of message, to myself and to the universe, that i want my past life skills and memories back.
The dream was that i had easy control over objects. I sorta twisted a flower 360 just because i wanted to know my limits (Sorry, flower!).
Also, i remember having this weird contraption with me. It looked simple. An electrolyte, transistor, LED, power source, switch. When i turned it on, it seemed like a normal light (blue, and red... both somehow but only one LED). There was a slight pulsing going on. I'm guessing it was some sort of mind state altering device?
I wonder what would binaural beats look like when visualized in a correct way.
The tranquilizer didn't take effect either at first. I had to bear with the pain. Sucks. My tooth still hurts.
(I seriously hate dentists, but not the people personally)
Last night while being stalked by another entity, i decided to hit the hay. I was attempting to send out some sort of message, to myself and to the universe, that i want my past life skills and memories back.
The dream was that i had easy control over objects. I sorta twisted a flower 360 just because i wanted to know my limits (Sorry, flower!).
Also, i remember having this weird contraption with me. It looked simple. An electrolyte, transistor, LED, power source, switch. When i turned it on, it seemed like a normal light (blue, and red... both somehow but only one LED). There was a slight pulsing going on. I'm guessing it was some sort of mind state altering device?
I wonder what would binaural beats look like when visualized in a correct way.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Dream log: Tons of dreams
I counted the dreams i saw. 10. Later ones were difficult to memorize since i had forced myself back to that state for quite many times.
The most memorable ones were where i went to wrestling which took place in an environment, where i have never been to. It's a non important dream.
What i do want to talk about, is a dream about PK.
From the point i remember:
I am sitting behind a computer desk. In front of me, i have a wooden, round cylinder. From the top, expands a metal '+' which is connected to a circle. From the circle, there are hanging metal needles. On the desk, below the wooden cylinder, there's a circular coil. That coil is connected to computer. In addition to it, there's somewhere a sensor which senses the PK. These waves go to PC and are processed, then converted into different resonant patterns which allow you to move the needles to your wanting. This was invented to help people develop PK abilities easier (not sure by whom).
Edit: Something like this.
Later on, outside, i move some stuff. Then my parents say something that catches my mind:"It's your destiny to master these abilities"... i said nothing. There is no such thing as mastering. Ignoring that, i attempted to fly (failing multiple times), i felt myself getting lighter and jumped slightly. I jumped 2 floors high building, then hanging by the roof. Then i got used to it and could fly. And then my dream went all nutty and decided that 'i am in another world'. The world had these spots that were really colorful. Literally, levitating colors. I flew there but i got really dizzy. Then out of nowhere, a voice says "They use colors as a disguise to drain your energy". Now thinking about it, the first thing that came to my head was all that "love and peace" stuff. Then again, who knows.
And then i woke up later since my mom decided to come check if I'm alive (i had been sleeping for 17 hours. From 22:00 to 15:00).
The most memorable ones were where i went to wrestling which took place in an environment, where i have never been to. It's a non important dream.
What i do want to talk about, is a dream about PK.
From the point i remember:
I am sitting behind a computer desk. In front of me, i have a wooden, round cylinder. From the top, expands a metal '+' which is connected to a circle. From the circle, there are hanging metal needles. On the desk, below the wooden cylinder, there's a circular coil. That coil is connected to computer. In addition to it, there's somewhere a sensor which senses the PK. These waves go to PC and are processed, then converted into different resonant patterns which allow you to move the needles to your wanting. This was invented to help people develop PK abilities easier (not sure by whom).
Edit: Something like this.
Edit 2: Here, i modeled something like that.
Later on, outside, i move some stuff. Then my parents say something that catches my mind:"It's your destiny to master these abilities"... i said nothing. There is no such thing as mastering. Ignoring that, i attempted to fly (failing multiple times), i felt myself getting lighter and jumped slightly. I jumped 2 floors high building, then hanging by the roof. Then i got used to it and could fly. And then my dream went all nutty and decided that 'i am in another world'. The world had these spots that were really colorful. Literally, levitating colors. I flew there but i got really dizzy. Then out of nowhere, a voice says "They use colors as a disguise to drain your energy". Now thinking about it, the first thing that came to my head was all that "love and peace" stuff. Then again, who knows.
And then i woke up later since my mom decided to come check if I'm alive (i had been sleeping for 17 hours. From 22:00 to 15:00).
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Dream log: The message
I've been meaning to write this one, but always forgot.
I saw this 2 night ago.
The dream takes in a place quite unknown to me, but i recognized it as a school building. I am in a room, where my former classmates and new ones are. I was about to witness something quite disgusting.
The two former classmates were fed up about something. They decided to send a message, a cruesome message. One of them (also a childhood friend to me) took a thin metal string, wound it around his tongue and started to cut it off. Considering everything, i doubt he would do anything like that. I couldn't stand the view. Turned away, where two of the other classmates (new) were trying to distract themslves by teasing and seducing me. I stood silent, waiting it to be over. Once it was over, the other former classmate took a blender, started it up and reached his tongue to it. For some reason, i was capable of watching it.
After all of it, i asked him why he did it. I can't remember an exact reply, but he said something about how the school is deceiving us. I wanted to say:"Wouldn't it be easier to get a dead pig's tongue?". I got no response.
It was an odd dream. That's all i can say.
Also, i remember funny reaction from myself last night. I was attempting OBE, but managed to fall into some sort of state where i wasn't asleep, not fully conscious, but remember things. Woke up from it, the first thing i said:"Damn... this is really tiring, you know?" (referring to the state). I understood that i need to become even more aware. The state was correct, i just couldn't stay awake.
Also, my body hurt (as in numb pain) from SP. It hasn't done that in a while.
I saw this 2 night ago.
The dream takes in a place quite unknown to me, but i recognized it as a school building. I am in a room, where my former classmates and new ones are. I was about to witness something quite disgusting.
The two former classmates were fed up about something. They decided to send a message, a cruesome message. One of them (also a childhood friend to me) took a thin metal string, wound it around his tongue and started to cut it off. Considering everything, i doubt he would do anything like that. I couldn't stand the view. Turned away, where two of the other classmates (new) were trying to distract themslves by teasing and seducing me. I stood silent, waiting it to be over. Once it was over, the other former classmate took a blender, started it up and reached his tongue to it. For some reason, i was capable of watching it.
After all of it, i asked him why he did it. I can't remember an exact reply, but he said something about how the school is deceiving us. I wanted to say:"Wouldn't it be easier to get a dead pig's tongue?". I got no response.
It was an odd dream. That's all i can say.
Also, i remember funny reaction from myself last night. I was attempting OBE, but managed to fall into some sort of state where i wasn't asleep, not fully conscious, but remember things. Woke up from it, the first thing i said:"Damn... this is really tiring, you know?" (referring to the state). I understood that i need to become even more aware. The state was correct, i just couldn't stay awake.
Also, my body hurt (as in numb pain) from SP. It hasn't done that in a while.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
F' you geisting!
My mom wanted the Estonian version of "The Croods" on DVD. While burning one... 2%... 5 min later, still the same spot. Then the DVD writer starts to do weird sounds. I attempt to halt the burning process. Nope. Press eject button. Nope. Ctrl + Shift + ESC, processes, End process: Neroexpress.exe. Nero closes, yet doesn't give me the DVD. Went to my computer to see if i there's an eject opinion (i believe there used to be... somewhere). Couldn't find, close my computer... not responding. Explorer crashes. Force reboot.
Try putting the movie on external HDD. Oh, hey, a corrupt file. Let's do a disk check, nothing harmful in that, right? Cancel disk check in half way since it took too much time. HDD is not being recognized. Unplug and plug in several times, each with different result. Manages to lose internal hdd drive D icon and connection icon (connected, but icon says 'not'). Won't pay much attention to it. Do a restart. Plug in the HDD, works.
Copied the movie over to external HDD. Wanted to check so i could play from android tablet with HDMI to TV. MXPlayer didn't know how to play that file (.mp4, not sure in what codec encoded, worked in PC though). That's where i was like "fuck it" and came to write this.
Apart from that, yesterday i had pretty good control over fire.
Today, i attempted to push over a pencil at school. It didn't fall, but created a lot of distortions. It felt as it was bending rather than moving. Lights have been flickering as well.
Had a plant moved to my room yesterday. Mom said that it was dying for no reason. I'm going to try healing from time to time. This night i saw that the plant had nearly died. It was brownish, but still was alive.
Try putting the movie on external HDD. Oh, hey, a corrupt file. Let's do a disk check, nothing harmful in that, right? Cancel disk check in half way since it took too much time. HDD is not being recognized. Unplug and plug in several times, each with different result. Manages to lose internal hdd drive D icon and connection icon (connected, but icon says 'not'). Won't pay much attention to it. Do a restart. Plug in the HDD, works.
Copied the movie over to external HDD. Wanted to check so i could play from android tablet with HDMI to TV. MXPlayer didn't know how to play that file (.mp4, not sure in what codec encoded, worked in PC though). That's where i was like "fuck it" and came to write this.
Apart from that, yesterday i had pretty good control over fire.
Today, i attempted to push over a pencil at school. It didn't fall, but created a lot of distortions. It felt as it was bending rather than moving. Lights have been flickering as well.
Had a plant moved to my room yesterday. Mom said that it was dying for no reason. I'm going to try healing from time to time. This night i saw that the plant had nearly died. It was brownish, but still was alive.
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