Well, least i've come to accept who i am at the moment.
I can't recall exactly everything. I remember going to a wrestling competition (i didn't take part in it, it's been long time since i have done that stuff). We went to pick up our teacher (Environment: Sunset, a white house in the midst of nowhere, fence around it). I can't remember speaking to him, but we did go through the house.
The next thing is that i meet up with old classmates and wrestling buddies. One of them asks:"Think you can lift that weight?" "Hell no, man! I haven't trained in years. I've become weak". To my surprise, he just left the topic there. No teasing or anything. It felt sorta awkward. He went to lift it himself, asked me to be there just in case. After a while, he struggles to get it up, asks for my help. I touch one side, and then run for the other to pull it up. It was as if i had left one of my hands out there.
The next thing i know, i am at a night club (i hate any rowdy place). There was this kid, alone. She didn't cry. Just stared at people dancing. I felt as she felt as being abandoned. I was sitting on a couch, thinking how stupid that is... people just shaking their bodies for no apparent reason (since there are easier ways of self-expressing). Then that kid approaches me, sits on my lap, throws her arms around me and takes a nap. I kinda froze there, probably totally red from the face. Yet strangely, it felt really .... good. It felt as all my problems dissolved. It was so relaxing. It nearly felt as she was resonating with me. This went on for quite the while... or maybe it just felt like that. Some time later, a former classmate comes and asks the girl something.... i couldn't hear over the chatter etc, but what i did hear was something that totally shocked me. The guy asked:"Hey, you OK?" The girl replied:"Yes, but he (me) isn't.". The girl was rather young, yet was capable of reading me like clear water. The guy went back to dancing and she continued napping.
I thank you, little girl. I truly do. I feel as someone was finally able to understand me entirely. You managed to put a smile on my face, just for a brief moment, but it was more than enough. I hope i meet you again or in this reality.
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Edit: I think all those lolis (meaning usually "cute underage girl") are either people from other realities or parts of my subconscious attempting to comfort me. Either way, they mean a lot to me. If it weren't for them, i would have been in deep depression and probably killed myself already.
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