Visited by myself

I had a pretty odd experience night ago, that i wanted to write about for a while now.

I woke from a bad dream, but cannot remember it was about. It was about 3 in the morning. The first thing when i open my eyes, i see a figure by the doorway. I continue to stare, thinking that it might be one of the short hypnogogic images. Blink my eyes many times, take a zip of coke from bottle next to my bed (i wake multiple times at night, from thirst). Watch the doorway again... the figure is still standing there. Oddly, it didn't frighten me one bit. It felt as i knew that person VERY well, as it was me. I decide to take another zip of coke... gone. The figure was gone. Then i finally realized that someone was actually standing there.

I remember that the person had short hair, a long coat (a little bit longer than to knees), the neck area of the coat was quite high, it reached to below eye. He had a fair body structure, not muscular, not fat, not thin. The clothes he wore was black.

And what's weird, i want one of those long coats. He had everything exactly how i would want. The only conclusion i seems to be that i was visited by myself from future.

Star gazing, once again.

I've been star gazing since childhood. Whenever no one understood me or i just wanted to be alone, i looked up. Whenever i look at them, it makes me sad, as if i'm completely alone in the universe... as if no one ever has existed, as if i'm just a pointless entity, that can't figure out his existence.

I guess you could say, that i'm subconsciously wishing, that something would happen, something, that would change my life would change. I do not want what majority of people want. I have no use for money, power or other stuff like that. What i want, is to go on an adventure. Something, that would will my heart up.
A part of me says "it will never happen", while the other "there's infinite possibilities out there, you can't just rule it out!". 

All that i am, is just two opposing natures.

Dream log: Tons of dreams

I counted the dreams i saw. 10. Later ones were difficult to memorize since i had forced myself back to that state for quite many times.

The most memorable ones were where i went to wrestling which took place in an environment, where i have never been to. It's a non important dream.

What i do want to talk about, is a dream about PK.

From the point i remember:
I am sitting behind a computer desk. In front of me, i have a wooden, round cylinder. From the top, expands a metal '+' which is connected to a circle. From the circle, there are hanging metal needles. On the desk, below the wooden cylinder, there's a circular coil. That coil is connected to computer. In addition to it, there's somewhere a sensor which senses the PK. These waves go to PC and are processed, then converted into different resonant patterns which allow you to move the needles to your wanting. This was invented to help people develop PK abilities easier (not sure by whom).

Edit: Something like this.

Edit 2: Here, i modeled something like that.

Later on, outside, i move some stuff. Then my parents say something that catches my mind:"It's your destiny to master these abilities"... i said nothing. There is no such thing as mastering. Ignoring that, i attempted to fly (failing multiple times), i felt myself getting lighter and jumped slightly. I jumped 2 floors high building, then hanging by the roof. Then i got used to it and could fly. And then my dream went all nutty and decided that 'i am in another world'. The world had these spots that were really colorful. Literally, levitating colors. I flew there but i got really dizzy. Then out of nowhere, a voice says "They use colors as a disguise to drain your energy". Now thinking about it, the first thing that came to my head was all that "love and peace" stuff. Then again, who knows.

And then i woke up later since my mom decided to come check if I'm alive (i had been sleeping for 17 hours. From 22:00 to 15:00).

Update: 21 Nov. 2013

I'm losing self-awareness. I can't remember dreams clearly. Must start doing constant reality checks.

Meditated... nearly fell asleep many times (and almost fell of the chair). Did some pranayama which made me totally thoughtless. Built up some cold, soothing psi around my arms (cold is the easiest for me to control and recall). Tried creating stronger connection to everything... managed to lose the thought in a few minutes.

Have been trying to move ping-pong ball from time to time (non-constant), the next morning had an instant dream where i was doing the same (and some other things) successfully. Should invest some anime time into PK, don't feel like watching anything any time soon, either.

RV. Seeing through eyelids has become rather easy (but can't get the result if doing something else). Tried walking up the stairs... the image was too weak, but still managed to get to my door. Also, today, riding the bus home, it was somewhat interesting to sense how the light from street lights went over your head to back.

It was rather foggy today. I've been trying to overlay a memory with reality. Sadly, did not work. Even though, in my mind's eye, i knew where things are, it didn't override normal vision.

OBE.... I don't know about it. Can't exactly remember. But i do remember seeing our dead dog by my doorway (white fur, brown eyes, slightly lifted ears as in interested in something). Yelled to my mom (in other room), saying "Dog's home!" "What? Dog's lost? (Mom)" "No, Dog's HOME (me)" ... "I think you should turn on the light (Mom)...".
I thought it to be funny, meanwhile i could hear some fear in her voice. I don't get it, why everyone thinks death is such a horrible thing. It's like people can't think outside their box. To them, death is seizing to exist.


I think people should remember this:
"What you believe to be true, your mind will do."

(Under 'mind', i mean subconscious. It's the decision you would make if you have no choice. In a dream, you act according to it... unless you are awake that is. In extreme conditions, as well.)

OBE: Making some progress again + Some weird stories

OBE:

Something different has started happening lately. At first, when i get images and look at them, they are stable for a moment, then suddenly they de-stabilize and i get a black screen. Soon after, another image appears much more vivid and it feels as if you are really in that world and then the same happens again. It de-stabilizes suddenly. This happens a couple of times, but later on, i have a complete block. I try to materialize/stabilize the images and place, try sending my consciousness but nothing. It fades away.

The usual what i imagine would be: My grandma's house. To the left is forest, a small lake. To the right there is a small plown land and further as far as you can see is a green land. In front, there is an old house, it's falling apart, made of wood. Fences are rusting. Windows broken. Behind there's a small sauna. It hasn't been used for years. It's made of stone bricks.

Stories:

I don't know why, but every time i imagine that, i get a bit scared. It has always been like that. Even when i went there, at first, i felt fear. Later on, i forgot about it. It always had felt like something was off about it. Especially the forest behind the house. I didn't even wanna look at it. We usually went to visit her each month or so (she lived only with her dog). She seemed fine. One day at summer, when i was searching through the house, i found behind a locked door in a drawer, a thermometer. When i went to show it to my mom and dad, her reaction suddenly went totally off. She started yelling at me for no reason. I had been to that locked room for several times and had taken to show multiple things, yet that somehow affected her. She wasn't someone agressive or anything. It was like an outburst of anger (or maybe fear) out of nowhere. I started crying (even tho i was rather old). Dad argued with her (her mother) for a while. She had even cried. It striked me odd. Sure, it was wrong of me to go through someone's house, but such reaction out of nowhere? And also her crying? It's like she regretted it.
A month passes. We go back. While going through the stuff again (it's like something pulled me into it), i overheard a weird conversation. The conversation was rather normal, when suddenly she mentions some secret agents giving her orders, that she is being watched. She had no phone, nor a computer... not to even mention electricity. My parents instantly labeled her as crazy, i did not. I knew something was off about this place. I was afraid to even go to the second floor. It felt as i was always being watched. I know my other grandma scared me that there are monsters in the dark (which might have triggered this "paranoia"), but this was completely something different. The only place i felt better was outside. And what's even weirder, she was fine a few months ago. It's like she had snapped or something. A few months later, her dog died. She had been over feeding her, but as i remember, the dog was only 8 years old. Months went by... suddenly, she died. It was winter. She had frozen solid and mice had eaten from his finger and eyeball. I wasn't allowed to go, mom can't take such things so dad only went. Afterwards, we cremated her... ... ... and til this day, the ashes still sit in the big closet in my bed room (the closet is at most 2m away from me, it's kinda been nerving me, even though my mom keeps repeating "she's reduced to ashes, she no longer exists". I think she's scared that i might prove her otherwise. Even when i bring up the topic of OBE, she does everything to avoid it. When i ask "why?", she says that she is afraid of the unknown and would rather stay blind towards it.).

My dad has told some other stories about that place too.... i'm not sure if they are true or not.
He claimed, that his dad had buried a gun somewhere near where a fence used to be on the garden. It was supposedly stored in a special way. Sand, cartong, cotton, box, cotton, cartong, soil. Grandma (before she went nutty) claimed that she had dug up some sand in the garden. She was unsure where exactly. Never found it. I attempted to dig it up using by sending energy waves through earth, to see if there's something different in there. All i found was a bottle cap and some wires.

A story he had also told was that somewhere on top of a hill, near a house was supposedly hidden a box of jewels from world war 1. I knew where the house was located (well, it had fallen apart), but never got to go there. We rarely went near that region (even though there was a nice environment, pure water etc). I actually wanted to go scan that area, but for some reason, everyone stayed away from there. Either way, PK treasure hunt would be so cool.

I'm gonna stop this story for now before i get nightmares. Way too many weird coincidenses.