Fading indeed...

 People manage to make me furious lately. Just because i don't say anything doesn't mean I'm angry, and asking 'Why are you angry' is only going to make me more. Mom did this and I said with an angry tone:"If you don't understand something, then keep your nose out of it". There are points where i am in sync with a lot of dimensions and do not wish to be disturbed, since then there's a high probability of causing unintentional PK (in massive size). Simply walking home like that had all the lights pulsing around me. So please, mind your own business.

(Not to even mention, still being somewhat in sync later. Sitting on the floor, staring at one point. "Dad" said that i should learn to know myself. Know what? Fuck off. I know myself very well and I'm very conscious about my decisions and actions.)

I seriously have started hating people who don't understand, yet still meddle in other's affairs. I feel like i want to erase them from existence.


*Sighs*, I haven't been under stress lately. Nothing has happened, yet I'm changing.  I want to be alone. More than ever. I mean like not speaking or even encountering people at all.

Classmates were a pain in the ass. Wanted me to join the "Noor Meister" competition. I rejected. After 2 lessons of annoying me (2 + 2 teachers), they gave up. Good riddance. I got better to do with my time than that.


Had an unintentional OBE in a dream. Wanted to speak to a dead monk. Never made it.

The dreams have been much deeper. 7 hours is now sufficient for full rest. The wake up is more difficult, though. Simply opening eyes feels like looking at the sun and it was rather dark (i have dark blue curtains, so barely any light comes in. Most is blue, but even that's so little).


I'm considering on concentrating more on PK and stuff from now on. I feel different. Perhaps i am fading.

General: What irritates me

What really irritates me is that people don't consider multiple possibilities. No matter if it's atheist, a conspiracy theorist, a religionist or what not. Once they think one way, they never consider the other.
(You read bedtime story. You believe it to be made up, but what if it has actually happened in another reality?)

I don't want to bring up examples, but since (nearly) nobody really reads this blog, i will.
For example, Michael, who keeps posting all kinds of conspiracy stuff on his facebook. He makes EVERYTHING sound so bad and dangerous. He's exactly like my freaking family doctor. "Oh don't eat this, take this plant instead --Wait! Don't drink that, that's bad for you! You shouldn't do that, it's wrong.". Seriously people. Nature (that means including humans), has the capability of adapting to different kinds of environment. We don't die from just some small change. So would you kindly stop creating pointless stress? (I've been drinking coca-cola which is claimed to be bad for you. I've been drinking it for years and far more than an average person. And I'm still alive, aren't I?)

Then there's scientists. "That's impossible." Then you prove it "it's probably *insert some stupid excuse here*". How hard is it to consider the possibility of impossible phenomena? And even if you are wrong, accept it. This is how we learn.

Religion... "The god is always right! Everything that's different is the spawn of satan!". Dear religionists, we have not insulted your ways, but understand, we do not wish believe it either. Those who want, will.

People, please, just for once, try thinking outside your box. Just consider the possibility of everything that you think and believe to be correct, wrong. There are lies out there.
So please, would you for once, set aside your ego and forms of thinking, and try to help each other instead?

General: More furiocity

More trouble. I have to go to the family doctor who is an egoist and tries to feed natural pills to everyone, and if that doesn't work she just finds another excuse.
It's a trouble for me because i have to get the letter from her. I know that you want to be "Big and powerful" but get over it. Stop playing all-wise. And what's worse, i have to do an EKG over there. It's no use or whatever to me.

There's one thing i've never understood. I am a patient, right? Yet i am not shown any of the information on myself. WTF. Are you saying that the information is more valuable than live person? I should totally have the permission to view and have the info. If someone actually could have the info, they might be able to figure out their problems.

I'm one of those people who wants to know as much as possible about myself, so i could destroy those limits. Even if i have no idea what's written on the info, i'll learn about it. I'll find someone who knows about it. So what's the problem? Why exactly am i not allowed to know?

Dissolving colors of the rainbow in my mind

It was raining, then sun shining, again raining and so on. There was a rainbow multiple times. I had nothing to do that moment, so i attempted dissolving the colors of rainbow one by one, in my mind. Started from the highest to lowest. They actually did vanish from my mind sight (as in watching it, then fades away, but not actually gone). It would be interesting to meditate using rainbows.


I hate how people can't see uses for "useless" things, so they throw them away. To me, what they call "trash" are objects, that have not found their purpose yet. Destruction and creation. What people see, is only destruction.