Shocks, man!

Playing 'LoadOut' when suddenly it was like i had got shocked from an outlet to my right side of the neck. Freaking hurted like hell. Now i'm freaking dizzy.

Our cat developed some pretty bad illness so he had to go to a doctor for a surgery. It's pretty critical right now. Not only because those assholes here gave false medication, he had it already the day prior. So now, it's been 36h+, while you need to get it to the doctor it in within 12 hours. Since, i concluded the pain was a lot to bear, I created a link to half the pain. I still feel useless. Why am i so helpless?
Well, either way, if cat's gonna live, that's solely up to his will. He has already pushed the limits to nearly 3x the normal.

(rubs eye from dizziness)

Also, the last posts i have wanted to post have been quite negative.

Information uncontrallability (26.09.2014)

The past night was somewhat frightening.

I woke at random time. Head filled with all kind of thoughs -- So many, that i was incapable of understanding what I was even thinking. Not only that, there was this annoying high pitch sound again (tinnitus, most likely). As i swipe around with my hand, searching for my phone, pictures come and go in less than split second. I finally found it. 2:26. I had only slept for 2 hours. As I attempt to silence my thoughts and fall asleep, there arises a certain image -- It's not going away. A small face, with red eyes. It's smiling. "Alright... i guess, you are a tiny bit creepy", i say in my mind and continue to silence. Instead of silencing my thoughts, I end up concentrating on that face. Every time i managed to silence a mass of thoughts, it came closer. Each time, the smile was even creepier than the last. At one point, the face was fairly close. It's eyes were bleeding -- And then, of all the sudden -- Silence. All i could hear was tinnitus now. My mind was blank for the moment.

As i attempted to fall back asleep, every time, i would wake up with tons of thoughts going on. So, i just lied there, looking at all this stuff that was going through my mind.

When the clock hit around 4, i finally fell asleep, and that due to forcing myself.

Cannot remember any dreams, yet i remember having some.

It felt like thousands of people were speaking with me. Each, and every thought was visualized. In the end, you never understood anything that was going on. It really did feel like going nuts.

Cemetary (19.09.2014)

Yesterday, my electro-acoustic guitar's battery ran out of juice. Went to buy a new a new 9V one today. Since I was already going to shop, i decided to take a small bag to gather berries (not sure what they are in English, but in Estonian, they are called 'viirpuu'). The place where i gather them, is located in the cemetary. I like cemetaries. Nice and quiet, but it makes me dizzy if i stay for too long. Coincidentally, after gathering, I saw a beautiful RED sun. It was completely red. Not orange, nor orange-reddish, but red. I wanted to get a better view, but when i had climbed a small hill, it had mostly set already. Still, nice thing to see.

The day before yesterday, my phone went off at a time i had no alarm at. The two alarms i have are: 7:00 and 7:45. Phone went off at 7:30. Double checked it. Looked at the wall clock... nope, it IS 7:30 and there is no such alarm. Both 7:00 and 7:45 worked as usual. How strange.

Also, the road which leads directly to my home (from cemetary), has this house that i don't like. It's like it wants to possess me. Just being near it feels like someone tries to pull you, turn your head and it makes you really dizzy. Strangely, no effect on mom when we came by that road.
(Not sure if it's connected in any matter, but there are a lot of graves that have been forgotten. Kinda makes you sad when you think about it.)
(Now that i mentioned it, there are noises from time to time coming from thin air. Like footsteps or a wood-branch breaking behind you. When I checked behind, nothing. Didn't feel right to expand my consciousness).

Update of 15.09.2014

Purposely missed school today. Why? Had stuff to do like making portable apps and also tried calling that goddamn seller. Not picking up.

Well. Either way. The other classmate (who shouldn't even have to attend to the school, and occasionally doesn't) had something to do with TV3. Screenshot!

That means the 'non-knowing' ones were the only ones at school. I can only imagine their -- excuse-me-for-my-choice-of-words -- 'bitching'. Poor teacher :D
But still, that's a good coincidence that both of us were absent!

Aside of all this stuff, my hands feel electrified. Tingling sensation non-stop since yesterday.
Couldn't sleep either, and saw some more weird ... stuff.

_____________________________________________________________________
20:39
_____________________________________________________________________

While searching the net for more information on application virtualization, i came across this and this NEEDS a good aplaud:

“I do not think people who pirate our software do it because they are bad people, or because they like to steal things. I just think that they decided that they can not afford it,” Adobe’s David Wadhwani said earlier this month when the Creative Cloud launched."

BRA-VO. *Claps*.
THIS(!), is what we wait from people. You, good sir, got my respect.

As of another topic, I sorta sided up with 'The House of Portable' from side-lines. He was having trouble with 'Adobe Edge Animate CC', so i picked that one up myself, due to complete lack of information on that certain app virtualization. After some time, I successfully created one, that ran on clean Win7 and on my current Win 7 (with no registries or install files remaining nor created). I packed it and sent it to him, and asked him to see if it works. He hasn't replied yet (usually replies really late or early). Next one will be 'Adobe Muse CC'.

(The thing is, that they are completely rewritten ones. They do not behave as the others do. If it works, It will be, if not, the only working one in the whole internet.)
(His builds crashed, as did mine, at first. He was saying, that he found no solution. Even I, am not completely sure if it will work on Muse).

*Sighs* (14.09.2014)

I swear, i will f*** up whoever keeps messing with my life. The row of bad coincidenses is filling my 'hate jar'.
Even I cannot keep my cool for endless time. First, handicapped friend broke my damn headphones. (Sarcastic) GRE~A~T. I wasn't angry, but his freaking poking the topic only made it build up. At one point, I said in an angry tone: "How about you shut up?". Sure, even though he brought new ones -- which I rejected (to prove a point) -- I hate taking something negative even further. I'll find a way to fix it, and that's that. As long as you know you dealt negativy to me, i'll forgive.
And as if that wasn't enough... the mic i brought from a person, seems like one of those fraud-ers. The only thing in my head that goes on, is how to destroy that person's life. *Face palms and takes a deep breath*. Dear person -- You do realize, that i got all information on you. Just one last thing, and i can turn your life into living hell? You better not be one of those assholes, or I SWEAR I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET IT.

I got enough of this bullshit. If everything decides to turn my life upside down, i will reply with the same. What you give is what you get.

And oh --  this isn't the first time life desides to roll up it's middle finger. It's always like this, even though, i usually reply with opposite (good).

... crimeny.

---

Good. Enough with that.

I've had a ton of dreams. Bugs, devils, getting shocked by lightning AGAIN, and more weird stuff. The only reaction I always wake up -- "What the hell was all of this? You know what -- Not questioning it".

Also, don't know why, but whenever we have to study laws and stuff, it's as if I got slapped with a frying pan. Absolutely cannot understand anything at all. My mind goes hazy and words do not make sense anymore. Read as many times as you want -- nothing. After that, i feel as if i'd gone through a brainwash.
Well, least there's one good thing. The other lessons are easy. Like 'free time' easy. We even sometimes play L4D2 with teacher,  so that's cool. :)

Afternoon dream log: Shocky! (9.09.2014)

So the dream went a little bit like this:
I managed to defy what was supposed to be my "fate" -- which is, get struck by lightning... and die, obviously (I'm aware that a BIG percent actually survive. 90 or something, if i recall right).
Just as i had said "See! You can change your fate!", i sense a lightning behind me (there was a window) and i get struck by it. What seems fairly long time, i decided to resist. I allowed it to freely flow, then sucked a portion of it into myself and discharged the rest of it. The lightning that i redirected was red.

Then there was an after-story to it, where i sorta manifested lightning on my own. I was sorta the antagonist of the story, yet I would still get along with the "heroes".


But man... How many times have i got struck by lightning now? I just recently died from it. Meh.

Minor changes in life (6.09.2014)

I'm somewhat actually starting to enjoy life. As opposed to previous thoughts, I have been very negative. I'm sure i will argue against myself in the future about what i have written, but this is how i feel right now. So, shut up, future me.

On another note, i've begun to find fun in fear. It's not fear anymore. It's more like the WANT to discover -- overcome ALL obstacles. Still, i do not want to know everything. Don't want to be everything. If it'd be that, it'd be as cheating and i'd give up right away without second thought. There's no fun in knowing everything.

(Though, most things i've seen in my dreams come to life, but never know when, so it's kinda like a thriller. Never know when to expect something, yet you know, that there will be)

As well, i've been seeing lots of 'fear' inspired dreams lately. Yay. Also, I have a feeling that OBE is somewhat starting to open up again. What i haven't written here, is that, about a week ago, i forced myself into OBE state, but i was kinda scared and pulled back, which unfortunately ended the state. Usually, when this OBE-like state begins, i get 'sucked' into it, and then can leave. On this one, it was my own will which allowed it to end.
Now, every time i go to sleep, there's this 'gap'. Will i fall asleep, or will it initiate OBE? That's on my sight right now.

While being on the topic of OBE's. There was a dream of OBE-PK. It felt different from the normal PK that I've experienced.
When i tried to phase through a wall, it didn't quite work. Sorta slammed into it (lol) and there was a lot of interference (head started aching, ringing in ears, kinda lagging motion when attempted to move forward [moved in a teleportation style]).

Now that i've recalled all this, I remember a faint memory of another dream. Not quite sure, though. Something to do with some people... not sure what.

Dream log: Learning stuff, yay! (3.09.2014)

Yesterday, i took a nap and slept from 17:00 to 20:00. Since that was such an energy surge, i stood up 'til 2 in the morning.

What i saw in the dream was a bit strange. I remember something to do with fear (like the fear from my childhood, so that was pretty nostalgic), but what striked odd, was that, this fear was more of an 'excitement'. Kinda like "What's going to happen now? Am i gonna die again? Is something gonna spook up?" Nothing. It subsided.
I woke up just a hour later. "(*not looking at the clock, purely sensing time*) ... about 3 in the morning, eh?... Oh well, back to sleep". Also, at that point of time, i could still feel, that i wasn't completely 'here'. When i closed my eyes, i could see pictures of place where i was, still popping up.
As i fell asleep again, I'm back at the same spot again. The strange 'fear' still lingers, yet i now ignore it. I sit by the other side of the desk of where my boss sat (you know...  when you go to work to get experience, that school thingy). I was drawing a house. When i finished, a guy (web designer, he was a cool guy) snatches the paper and draws his own version of it. Barely any time passed, and he showed it to me. "Here. Now THIS, is art". He had drawn one of those anamorphic illusions, and it did look really cool! I could say nothing more than compliment him. He also teached me something awesome:

"Look at the cupboards back there. You can see all kinds of details, but they do not seem unique, do they? (nods). If you look at it, there's a pattern: colors, lines and shapes (mental filtering of similar patterns). If you draw something, that's far away, draw it's shadows mild-sharp, and it's colors pale. If you draw something close-up, you wanna do the exact opposite. Draw it's shadows in a fading form. Even if the object is colorless, add opposing colors to sides. This gives it a more realistic look. For example, if this cupboard were to be pale (imagine in B&W), then add red to the object and blue to shadows. This works on the basis of our light spectrum perception. Just like how sunset's are reddish/orange, and sky blue -- This can be used to create artifical depth."

I'm not fully grasping onto this theory quite yet, but he had some good idea! I'm gonna have to digest this further for a little while.

The after waking, i had some strange dream. Then i slept in, since my phone was drained empty and THEN i had lost the goddamn key to the door. Searched it since 9 in the morning to 15:00. Goddamn sneaky keys... hiding from me.