Update of 31.05 / Early morning of 1.06

Random burst of drawing hands today. Still can't get em' right. One time they are too wide, then too narrow, then not enough space for palm... grr. Also, the one on the right wasn't even supposed to come out like that, he-heh. I don't know how that even happened. Middle one is missing one finger and left one is just wrong somehow.

Last night, did some random explorin' in the deep web. My kind-of place. So much random information. Should be careful however. I did end up in the dark-net for a while. There's certainly some 'stuff' there. What makes me laugh, is the fact people are completely oblivious towards all of it.
Nonetheless, I have a good sense that there's some sort of information that might prove to be an interesting case for research (zero-point etc, and using "etc" because I have absolutely no idea what else to bring out, probably stuff like ORMUS).


Dreams have been varying from dark to normal. Last last night, i got taunted by my own desires, This time no one allowed me to jump up to the roofs of buildings and down. What a party boofer. I did it anyways lol.

... and we are currently getting hail here.

EDIT (1.06.2015):

So goddamn bored. also, I've suddenly got better at drawing hands. Last time I tried, I could only draw them from side or front, but now, I've forgotten how to draw eyes. (sighs), I should put some time into drawings, since now I can suddenly draw better for no apparent reason. Though the eye perspective is gonna be a b*tch.

Also, I curse my existence for not being capable of drawing. I mean, my father and grandmom were f*cking art geniuses. Grandmom was capable of drawing exact copy of something in one glance. Ehh, too bad I don't have to blood of an artist in my veins, though it does not matter. I can practically replicate others skills. Copy-cat skills FTW (too bad my motivation sits at 0 at all times).

(Screams internally for not being capable of drawing well)

Yeah. Remind me to never get bored. I do absolutely pointless crap.

Early morning update of 28.05.2015

I've spent whole day doing nothing. To tell the truth, I'm not even sure what I have done and what not. I do know, that I have listened to Evergreen Refuge 'Earthborn' and Celephais Tir n'a n'Og both at least three times. Nice relaxing music just for background.
I do remember trying to think of a way to create a GUI for arduino to "inject" commands, but ran into some problems and didn't have enough patience to deal with them. As for something "impossible", I'm unsure what that might be. Nothing seems to strike as impossible. Mind is so empty, yet the uncomfortable sensation in the chest remains.

I did remember more stuff about the dreams I had, but alas', nothing important.

I've had enough for today. I'm going to try OBE for few hours straight. See if anything decides to work today.

Dream log: Dreaming of an OBE

Just thought it would be wise idea to write this down.

In total, I had 3 dreams... or at least that's how much I can remember at the current point of time.

Dream 1: Dreaming of OBE
Quite literal. I went to sleep in my dream, but I didn't realize that I was already in an OBE (it wasn't a full OBE, more like a lucid dream without it actually being a lucid dream). The first thing I encountered was sleep paralysis, which I overcame fast. Then I encountered 2 "evil" spirits/entities, who I commanded to disappear. After getting the hang of how things work, I decided to call them back. Nothing much happened. I simply struck a deal with them. They are able to manifest themselves and use my energy, in return of simply becoming my companion (well, I saw no harm, so why not).
Then the "OBE" stopped and back to normal it was. There was something with the door leading outside and somehow, I was capable of going into OBE without leaving my body (still capable of controlling it). I told them to block the door, just to see how much they can manifest. Well, mom wasn't capable of going outside because she thought the door was "locked".
(Current me: "Hell yeah! Let's build an army of companions! There's nothing we can't achieve!" xD)

Dream 2: Tortured by needles
Not exactly sure what that was, but there was one guy that repeatedly injected long needles through-out my body. Got used to the pain, took em out and put em on him instead. I was under some sort of an antiseptic. Most likely triggered by the smell of my own blood
(I get a lot of scratches from playing with my cat, by rubbing blood between fingers, it has the smell of iron compounds, though yesterday, it was different, as in there was something mixed in with it).

Dream 3: Totally pointless dream
Even in dream, I was bored of it.

Dream 4: Performing a surgery??
A pregnant cow. Not sure why, but I was supposed to cut it's stomach open. Kinda gross. First layer was the one bleeding most, the internal layers didn't at all. (shrugs)... It's an experience.

Not so difficult as I thought (25.05.2015)

A lot of rewriting and just playing around, and by now, I can understand pretty much all of what does what. Though, I did run into some problems with receiving input. Either i'm being dumb again or Qt and arduino don't want to work well together. Not gonna go into details, just gonna say that button didn't behave as should have.

There is still the problem of commands and variables. "const, from/toStdString, static" etc. Can't quite understand, and can't give a damn to go look up right now.


As for dreams and stuff like that, I remember having some, but cannot recall. Most of my dreams are 'dark'. Can't even recall any happy dreams, but soon is probably the usual time where my motivation hits ---infinity and I'll have to rely on loli's again. Has happened twice, All in for number 3.


Lately been feeling empty. Like empty empty. I do stuff because I just do them. Nothing really fascinates me, nothing disgusts me. (shrugs). An empty existence. (sarcastic) How great.
I've given it quite the much thought and I'm fairly sure that I'm one of those people who can't do thing without someone holding my hand and dragging forwards. Someone supportive, call it external motivation, if you will. Otherwise, give it 5 minutes and I'm doing something different. How do you think my coding went? All straight? (Sarcastic laughter). Code, anime, code, manga, code, 9gag, code, blog (post deleted) -- repeat. (sighs)... yeah. A weird existence, that's for sure.

Damn you, C++ and Qt. (23.05.2015)

After sitting and trying to understand Qt, I'm finally starting to understand. 2 days straight with motivation like a roller-coaster. From arduino's coding, it feels like a slap across the face. Things do not function like they should, and I have no idea why. Funny thing is,  that my problems are so obvious, that no one has the same problems (feeling dumb). I mean, finding the correct functions took me a while. I didn't get this working until right now...............

void MainWindow::on_horizontalSlider_valueChanged(int value){ ui->lcdNumber->display(value); }

I'm only starting to understand thanks to the re-defining, referencing and simulating in my mind at night. Now it at least, feels like i'm not staring at a brick wall.

Edit (19:34):
With the use of pretty-much-copying off a video in youtube, I got it to work. Do I understand what most of the code does? Nope.
Well, if to be honest, I can understand glimpses of it. Initialization of serial ports, what controls what etc, but if I were to write this from the top of my head, I'd never make it.

How do I feel after all this? Absolutely not sure how to feel. Error: Brain was not found.

Update of 18.05.2015

Well, started to code the random thingy using OOP. Never been good at that.
From days of messing with AngularJS (MVC framework):

"

Error log:

       [$injector:modulerr] http://errors.angularjs.org/1.2.20/$injector/

       modulerr?p0=routeApp&p1=Error%…dflare.com%2Fajax%2Flibs%2Fangular.js%2F1.2.20%2Fangular.min.js%3A18%3A139

       

       Triple checked. No errors in wrong coding. Angular just being a straight up a B*tch.

"

And now C++...

"

C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\Temp\build1411341365459657781.tmp\random.h:31:42: error: ISO C++ forbids declaration of 'Randomize' with no type [-fpermissive]

 Random::Randomize(int IN_pin, int OUT_pin) {

                                          ^

C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\Temp\build1411341365459657781.tmp\random.h: In member function 'void Random::begin()':

C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\Temp\build1411341365459657781.tmp\random.h:52:23: error: a function-definition is not allowed here before '{' token

   void Random::stop() {

                       ^

main.ino:10:1: error: expected '}' at end of input

expected '}' at end of input

"

... (sighs) ... Let's be honest, I haven't got the single slightest clue what the f*ck i'm doing.

#include "arduino.h"

class Random {
  public:

    Randomize(int IN_pin, int OUT_pin);
    void initPin();
    void begin();
    void stop();
    boolean status();

  private:

    int _IN_pin;
    int _OUT_pin;
    bool _status;
};

/*    METHODS     */



Random::Randomize(int IN_pin, int OUT_pin) {
  _IN_pin = IN_pin;
  _OUT_pin = OUT_pin;
}

void Random::initPin() {
  pinMode(_IN_pin, INPUT);
  pinMode(_OUT_pin, OUTPUT);
}

void Random::begin() {
  unsigned long int sample = analogRead(_IN_pin);
  if (sample > 10 && sample < 1023) {
    int brightness = sample - random(1, sample);
    analogWrite(_OUT_pin, brightness);
  }
  else {
    sample = sample * 2;
    int brightness = sample - random(1, sample);
    analogWrite(_OUT_pin, brightness);
  }
  void Random::stop() {
    if (_status == true) {
      Serial.end();
      _status = 0;
    }
  }

  void Random::status() {
    Serial.print("Current status: ");
    Serial.print(_status);
    Serial.println("---");
  }

Update of 16.05.2015

//General log//
Stupid power outages. If anything will break, i'mma be mad (since I'm always the one fixing stuff). They already scorched my LED lights power supply last time (blew up the transistor inside, not kidding. The whole board was in covered with black slag like you get from a candle). Seriously need a UPS for desktop PC's.

Outage log (today): 
18:41 - 3x (END: 19:13)
23:27 - 3x (END: 23:29)
23:33 - 2x (END: 23:34)

// OBE //
As for OBE, I'm back to trying it, now that I have more time. Also, noticed a major error in my attempts. I attempted: Clear mind -> Visualize -> Materialize
But instead, when I tried: Clear mind -> Concentrate on heartbeat and breathing, I noticed some different behavior. For once, I got so close to OBE, that I became 'super-aware' of my surroundings. It induced fear and when I managed to suppress the fear, I had already lost the state. Breathing became effortless. My own fear limited my ability to go further. Yesterday, I fell asleep. Damn it. :D

// Arduino //
Yesterday, 4 hours of trial-and-failure on trying to get an arduino board to work. Finally did get it to work, but now crap with compiling (really really slow, should try on a VM).
As for understanding C, I've got the basics nailed down. Successfully made a led toggle on off with a mic, but damn, didn't save the sketch. Now attempting to get a photo-transistor to behave as I want... which it isn't. Neither is the IR-receiver. The serial data is not correct nor responding to external events... and I got no datasheet for 'em either. Well, this is at least a faster way to grasp how things interact with each other, than plainly learning C.

// More on Arduino //
The IR-receiver/photo-transistor have 3 legs. I'm assuming left is data, middle ground and right ... power/switch? AnalogRead returned momentary 200 -> 600 when lifting finger from the sensor. Delayed 10ms. Didn't quite seem correct. The stable ~600 was also changing too rapidly. Sometimes it would throw in random 700's. Sometimes, it would go up to 1023 and just stay there, which is assuming, that the transistor somehow "auto-adjusted" itself or my wires are malfunctioning. What a headache.

Now, that I have all the necessary things, I'm thinking of trying to write a code for one of those "jedi lamps" or whatever they are called, though, I nearly know nothing on quantum random, and seems to be a bit too far of a leap, with my current given capabilities in coding. Normal random should suffice, then built on-top of that. Shouldn't be difficult, since it just switches out the "random" code-block which implements real-world data... or that's as far as I understood Sussch. Well, it's a challenge... sorta.

Fucked up world (10.05.2015)

Grr. Darn you Optical Flares. Why won't you work. I've been stuck with you for 2 days straight and still not figured it out. *pouts*. Local plugin directory, is a no-no; Sandbox external plugin directory is a no-no; Internal is inaccessible; While scripts worked on 'version' defined plugin directory, Optical flares don't. Me no like-y that. Also, THOP (The house of Portable) said it had the damn plugin, while he did not. Goddarnit THOP.

About 2 weeks ago, I was getting quite bored of Dissection songs, but now, I love them again. I love the disharmonious sound in their songs. The dark feeling to it.

I like to think it like this:" While daytime highlights the shadows of the world, the night exposes it's tiniest fragments of light."

The "dark" feeling adds up to the "harmonious" part of the song. Just like "negative" moments are converted "positive" after hard trial-and-error. "Darkness illuminates the light", as weird as it sounds.
This is probably why i'm so obsessed with contrast of light and darkness, the balance in songs, the flow.
I mean, take for example your everyday pop-music -- It's boring. It has no content, nor of any 'contrast' to it. I'm not a huge fan of rap and stuff like that, but I remember these, which are worth listening to. As far as I know, nothing comes close to these:

LISTEN or READ!

Now, tell me again. IS MUSIC SAME? NO. All we now have is the word "nigga" and "bitch" being repeated over and over. Just skimpy suits with fucking basketballs as tits. It's funny that even porn stars are more well-mannered than the "celebrities" and "fashion models".

*Sighs*. Oh well. I guess I'm one of those 'anomalies' within mankind.

HOLY F*CKING ENB! -- Skyrim -- Part 4

I got an ENB (RealLike ENB) working. It basically adds to the realism of lighting, effects etc. I can't install any greater ENB since i'm already down to 20 fps with random crashes due to RAM running out (got only 4GB + 2GB integraded VRAM with Dedicated graphics card help).

Here's some pure epic-ness.

A simple campfire gone awesome.

Day with darkened sun

Remember Sjel Blad castle entrance? Yeah...

Beautiful sky.

Nightingale Skeleton key quest.

Ooo... this feels omnious, and I don't use that word often.

Uh, yeah. Good luck.

The same entrance after the quest. Sweet.

One sunrise, please!

Beware, mortal world, for the vampire trio will conquer you.

Even Soul Cairn looks more darker.

Just f*cking look at this. Gorgerous!

They are so good that I want to make them my wallpapers.

!!!

Characters - Skyrim - Part 3

There are too many great parts in Skyrim. More than half of these go to the recycling bin. This one will mainly focus on characters (who are Farith and Serena).

This is awesome, but a bad location.

Mom never takes interest in these kinds of games, but she was fairly curious about this.

Can't blame. It's a darn good scene.

Idle + random speech pattern + Skyhair + Custom body rig, face, eyes, skin + cloaks + custom dresses + Emotion mods (and 90+ other mods, though i should find hair animation mod)

Someone's really happy.

Oh yeah. Wings and Nightingale armor.

... and then there's this guy, plotting to kill his 'friend'... without noticing me or the other two.

More time wasting - Skyrim - Part 2

After row of constant CTD (crash to desktop), I got some quite beautiful screenshots.
(Announcer voice) The journey continues, now also joined by Serena. The vampire trio is here to kick some ass while having fun doing it!

Re-configured nights to look a darker.

A stormy day. Ominous as fuck.

Now this is awesome. Castle Sjel Blad.

There's even a separate bathing area...

... Your own room ...

... Armory ...

Sanctuary (Alchemy, staff crafting, enchanting etc)

Enchanting table. Awesome.

A creature companion area!

Teleportal system to any major city.

Atronach forge (there's much more actually)

Onwards with quests. Castle Volkihar (in process of getting Auriel's bow)

This never ceases to amaze me.

A random side-quest.

 No one, Serena, no one.

"Oooo, pretty lights!"

 Serena: "Damn you, god!"
Me: "(Thinks) That's pretty cool, :D"
Farith:"Fuck this, i'm dancing."

Jazz hands!

Blackwell.

A random shot.

I'm not even using ENB, but damn, this is sweet.

--- [END of Part 2] ---