Update of 12.06.2014

Estonian exam: 4. Mistakes: Too difficult terminology. Could have seen that coming. Well, who cares. Passed. Now, all that is left, is biology.

The last lessons, i have been learning stuff in Codecademy. Completed HTML+CSS, AirBnB, started PHP, Java, jQuery, API and intendending to start Python.

---

Went to sleep early yesterday. Had a lot of dreams. I remembered 5 of them.

1 (!! Not enough Info to recall !!) -- Another goodbye

I cannot remember it, but it stood out from all others, so i can only remember what it feels like -- It feels like a goodbye. A goodbye where someone disappears.
I hate these goodbyes. They hurt too much.

2: I'm powerful!!

In the dream, i had the ability to learn other's abilities. Any power, anything. I could make a copy of it. Due to that, i became more powerful than anyone. I could make huge boulders into tiny pebbles (they were glowing red hot! Probably due to compression).

3: Gods' domain

It was actually a horror themed dream. I was theorizing and practicing on how to call them and how to get to where they are. The result was actually more frightening than i thought (since i was forcing them to come to my location, instead visiting them). I did make there, though. And i was pretty much instantly banished from it. It was sorta dark, moon-like place with old temples. Floating rocks and rivers... but dark. Straight after what i saw, i felt such anger as it felt like someone was pressing down on me, and i fell into a pitch black "well". Lol. This is actually pretty funny. I'm messing with "gods". Hahahaha! xD

4: Disappearance of a man

After getting banished from that place, i fell into another place. It was dark (possibly some sort of lower lever dimension of "it's"?). I turn to the left to see sandbox which is illuminated by a streetlight. In the sandbox, there are children digging something hurriedly up. I approach to see them digging up something that looks like a small, fist-sized box in Christmas wrapper. I begin to dig as well, yet find nothing. As i gave up, i noticed, that there's no one anywhere near me anymore. The kids had vanished, but it didn't quite feel like that was the case. It felt like they had gone home.
Right after, i am greeted by a female child in age of around 13-14. Despite her age, she is quite mentally mature, yet for what i see, there's grief behind her smile.
Girl: "Did you find anything?"
Me:"No... Do you happen to know what they were digging?"
Girl:"... sadly, no."
A quiet moment. A look at the sky... no stars. Just pitch blackness. My sight falls back to the girl whom is staring at the sky, as well. In her hands, there's a white blanket, she's grasping it fairly strongly, as if she were in pain. Her head falls in a tired fashion.
Girl:"... would you like to come in... for tea?"
Me:"If that's alright with you, then sure."

We go walk indoors. The house is about 4 rooms big. Kitchen with a table, which was connected to the door we came in. A few steps forward, to the left, there's a big living room. To the right, there's a big window, with one of those slide-able doors (japanese style). If you go straight ahead, there's bedroom with queen-sized bed. To the left, there's bathroom with a bathtub. I did not see them, but i could feel it.
As i step forward to the kitchen, i notice how well the rooms are lighted. It somehow made a cozy feel to it. We sit down at the table, sipping tea. I've never liked tea. I hate it, but out of respect, i harden my face and endure it.
Slight moments after:
Me: "You look grim, are you OK?"
She"(Surprised, since she wasn't aware of her own emotions), oh, um...--"
Me:"--I guess the answer is obvious. (takes a deep breath, sighs and gives a determined look), Is there any way i can help?"
She:" (Sulks), I, uh... used to live with a boy. He was like a big brother to me. A week ago, he disappeared. When i tried asking others, if they know anything of him, it's like they didn't even know him!"

For a brief moment, a picture flashes through in my mind. A boy around age of 18. I couldn't tell what he looked like, but it felt like a "setting sun". It was calming. When i analyzed around the house, it was indeed like no one else had lived here. I couldn't pick up on anything else either.

Me:"Did he say anything before his disappearance? Or told what he was going to do?"
She:" "I'll bury my feelings under the feet of all whom are who are bound by this place" "
Me:"That's obvious! The sandbox! I'll--"
She"--I searched it! Nothing was there!"
Me:"Perhaps not deep enough? Like a wise man once said:"Throwing a net over all oceans, doesn't mean you'll get all the fish".
I shall try digging deeper."
I grab a shovel and hurry onto the sandbox.

After a while of digging, i find some things. 4 tall things wrapped in Christmas wrapping and a red marker. As i turn around and step out of the sandbox, she's there, waiting eagerly.
She:"Did you-- You found something?!"
As she approaches me, i open my hands and watch as her eyes widen in amazement. She quickly grasps the red marker which had also piqued my interest. Her head falls down as she's squeezing it close to her chest, tears begin to fall. I'm confused, yet somewhat relieved. Perhaps it was the thought of hers, that he did in fact exist, that he did not "disappear". Perhaps, i was just relieved to see someone happy.

// Dream cuts off, i wake up.

Damn it, i still ended up describing it too much. What am i, writing a book? *sighs*
(I remember every dream at ridiculous detail. I'm just too lazy to write it all down, and i doubt anyone has the time to read this nonesense. It would go at least 2x the length of it).

5. Randomness...

 It was fairly wacky dream. There was some story before it (I'm NOT going to be writing that nonsense). Something about a dream where 3 of us were running away from 2 dogs. For some reason, the dogs hated fireworks (you know, those crackling ones'?), so we thew those for distraction. They always found us, though, it was fun nonetheless.

Update of 13 Nov

Well, i've failed every single OBE now. Seems sleeping a few hours before going to sleep again works.

Been training PK a little, mainly concentration. Staring at candle flame and forgetting all thoughts, burning away all impurities and blockades.

"It doesn't matter what happens outside; What does matter, is what goes on in your mind... the inner-world. The outer world can be changed, once one's inner world is in balance". I've been thinking this sentence for a while now. Seems to make sense.

Last night, i was trying to see in pretty much pitch dark, trying to amplify all light sources. Later got some pretty strong constant tunnel effect. It felt as i was wearing some kind of night vision goggles.

At shop today, i was thinking of attempting to somehow influence the lottery chance. It was only a brief thought, tried and then came my turn to pay. "One Euro Jackpot, please", i said. The machine malfunctioned, saying there is no paper left. I didn't move since they called someone to fix it. It was my mom's friend, whom they called. She opened it and there still was paper in it. Closed it, worked again.

There's something i never quite understood. Everyone speaks of this "unconditional love", nearly as if it were a new religion. Truth be told, i find it stupid. Here's my understanding of it: You love everyone. I think the "love" part is wrong. I do not love a random person. Sure, i do kind deeds to them, but it's just.... no. Love in my dictionary is something different. It's something only for VERY close people. I mean  for lover, mainly.
I simply cannot go with this new generation hippy crap. Just because there's light in the dark, doesn't mean that's your only opinion, right? It's just like moth is attracted to the fire in the dark. Why not BE the balance of both of them?
___

Dream log: Using PK with touch screen

This is was just a scene from my dream. We were somewhere in a forest, standing near a picnic table. It was night time, yet the area was rather well lit. Soon one of my mom's friends starts talking. "You know, the Windows ** you installed is so slow and it keeps crashing, not to even talk of the bugs", he boasts "It's a complete piece of junk! Where did you even get it?". I immidiately raise my middle finger and say "Just go and fuck yourself, K?" I walk away frustrated. (I hate egoisting people. They act if they know everything, but can't do anything)
Sitting on the grass, thinking to myself:"...It was still in beta, anyways.". Then i look at a huge screen, raise my hand and start browsing it as if i were touching a touch screen. Someone interrupted me, i forgot how i did it. I touched the screen as i normally did, then tried to use PK. I couldn't get any feedback, but i tried to imitate it. It worked (even tho there was quite the while since i got it to work).

Dream log: Faint

After some biofield and syncroncity training yesterday (flame), i did white skeletal meditation. Lots of vivid images. When i tried to see em', i got kicked out.
Attempted OBE, turned to side.
In a dream, i am at school, watching my friend play "Dead Island". I said "Stop, there's a guy behind there". He asked "Where?".Suddenly I started to lose consciousness -- my body felt so tired. I wanted to say:"Call help" but i couldn't say a word. "This is how it feels like, huh?", i said in my mind. Vision going darker by the second, i took up my will and fought it. I slowly regained control over my body. Woke up from the dream with thirst. Took a zip of cola that i keep next to my bed (since i wake up often at night). Back to sleep. Wake up again, feeling cold. Managed to fall asleep. After a while, woke up again due to the same problem.
I don't usually get cold. My feet and hands are ice cold all the time, yet it doesn't bother me. Wonder what that was about.

Also, mom asked our family doctor today about my heart. She said that i might have 3-rd heart beat. Can't say if it's true or not. The medicine that i was given, makes me feel ill. "Metaprolool", that's what it consists. Doesn't seem to work not one bit at all.

Dreams and physical: Idiots... idiots everywhere.

Dream log:

I'm gonna make this short. I was flying around (thoughts: "Seems i have to get better control over flying" It was that i either went too high and when i wanted to go lower, i went too low. But still, levitating in the air... a lot progress to me. Mostly i've just had those super jumps and momentary levitation). After coming down by a garden, i see one guy with bow and arrows, the other guy just standing there, ready to be shot at. The moment he shot, i managed to react fast enough to throw the trajectory of the arrow off. But he didn't stop. It was nearly as he was mindless. When he was about to shoot, i created a force field around the guy.
Later on, he accuses me on not letting me do what i want (and starts shooting at me, none hit). I gave up and went away. Idiocity just can't be cured.

I can't... oh right. I remember the rest of the dreams now.

I had an interesting dream. It was about negativity and positivity. Me and a girl were doing something, when i come across an item with lots of negative energy. I'm not sure what i did but somehow i traversed it into positive entity. It's whole form changed.
Later, the girl who i was with wants to give a try too. Her older sister was into this kind of stuff, but really negative. In fact, so much more negative, that only 1 screw from her place was far superior to any outside item. We do get the screw but before we did he had sort of an argument. She didn't believe it would work. For some reason i mentioned the "Yin&Yang". I'm not quite sure why. After hearing that, she walked away angrily.
Moments later, the younger sister calls a friend over and tries to recreate what i did. The experiment got so dangerous that i was forced to create a force field around it. It did blow up. No one was hurt. The only thing i remember was the answer i gave... "That would mean altering the energy levels at sub-atomic level!" I'm not sure what that means but i remember mentioning something about "low-level energy" and "high-level energy". Hmmmmmm......

Well, apart from that, i was listening to music again. It was fun as always. :)


Physical log: Felt like i got shocked from wall outlet.

Yesterday aro-- I mean today, at about 2:30 (at the morning) i was playing games and suddenly felt as i got shocked from wall outlet to the neck. It was ridiculously powerful and cant tell where it originated. One part reached to the right hemisphere of the brain, the other to my right shoulder. Wouldn't want to experience that again.

Dream log: Mind music is awesome!

I'm not entirely sure if the music was from TV or something. It was kinda "opera"-ish (probably mom or someone watching music channels again). In my dream i altered it into awesome song. It was so awesome that it nearly awakened me (as in OBE, and it did generate OBE vibes).
Man, i wish i would've memorized how it sounded. All i remember is the metal part (what i created).

If i could recreate it in conscious state of mind, i would listen to every song and alter it in my mind. :D

(Me <-- Metal and Rock fan.)

(I've been capable of speaking in my mind, as in hearing it clearly in my mind, and a few times created music, but i can't remember any >.<  -- These were in OBE/Meditative state too.)

Dream log: I'm freaking high on drugs!

This was one of the most fun and weirdest dreams i've had. I will not tell the whole dream. The back story to it is that i went to a company who secretly "sells" (they gave me about 2 Kg of the drug for free) this weird drug. I was strictly told NOT TO TALK ABOUT THIS TO ANYONE (guess i just broke my promise lol).
This is where the real part comes in. I was at home, I decided to try it (remember that drugs don't cause addiction, it's the feelings that do). I took a small pinch and put it on my tongue. I walk around and suddenly it kicks in. It felt really like OBE vibrations at really intense levels. I felt being half the way out of body, could see energy fields clearly. At first it made me dizzy. It was really amazing. It lasted about 30-40 sec at most (the amount i took was less than 1g).

I wonder if it was some kind of OBE drug? It literally felt as you were 3m high, watching down on people. The colors were really intense as well.

What bugs me is that, what if drugs aren't actually "bad", that it's just a conspiracy to keep people from achieving something higher? And technically, aren't we already addicted to certain things? Then how are drugs worse?

Questions, questions and no answers.

(Nothing causes addiction if you are capable of controlling yourself. The thing that causes addiction is the feeling wanting to repeat the experience. Drug is just a tool for forcing mind state change.)

Dream log: Treasure hunt

This dream is still incomplete. I cannot remember 100%.
However, the part i do remember, is a bit weird.

The point i can remember is that me, mom and mom's sister (blind) were on a field. It didn't remind me of any scenery i could remember. I've always liked to scan people, sceneries and objects to see what, how and where they come from.
Anyways, i was walking on the field when i start seeing these blue areas on the ground... (*remembers a part of the dream start, annoyed*)...  I wasn't sure what they were about. The next thing is that i remember having a miniature piano in my hand. It totally worked and i could play it darn well (Memory link to "Elfen Lied Lilium").

Later, i asked if my mom's sister wants it. She happily took it. She also said to be related to some writer (argh! Can't remember the name! It's a famous one), and that miniature piano was his. I was wearing a ring that belonged to someone powerful... i can't remember any further then.


Now, my "dad" told me that since his time, his dad had buried a gun near the house. And that the relatives of his had all kinds of valueables hidden near the house on a hill. Too bad i wasn't fully into parapsychology then (about 4-5 years ago or so). I bet i could find it now. It's weird. Sometimes my mind wanders off to places of where the idea seems to originate. I get pictures where the possible location might be.
I would really like to test that theory. Psychic treasure hunt...hehe. :P

Dream log: Bringing things back from dreams

This dream actually was quite thought provoking.

One thing that i've found weird is that the old classmates in my dreams... their personalities don't match anymore. Some people who were nice have turned totally negative and the ones who were negative have become positive.

The dream starts off rather normally. I'm back at school with my my former and new classmates. It was 3D modeling lesson. I really didn't pay attention because my blood pressure was so high, that i lost hearing. All i could hear was noise. I decided to go to the school doctor, see if she can give me something to bring it down. Nope. I was just turned away like "That's probably nothing, now get lost". A while after i realized that it had came down. I went home and to sleep.
In sleep, i met ... 2 people i think. We went to the outlaw of the city. It had totally fallen apart and no one was there. There were car parts, metal and what not. We entered a wooden house. We found a TON of stuff in there. Mainly electronics. An older guy (22-23 approx.) who really reminded me of Sussch for some reason was messing with high-voltage there. He powered up some weird thingy and high voltage arcs flew everywhere. He even go hit by them but strangely wasn't influenced by them at all. I asked why. He said because of the ring he wears he acts as a ground (in my logic, he CLEARLY should've got shocked). The other guy was searching for stuff. I found a sander, welder and lots of other stuff. I said "I'm about to run out of time (dream ending), what are you gonna do?". The other guy says that he will travel through time and place these items in future (why future?) and then in few days, we will be able to retrieve it. He did that, we hid the stuff.
There indeed was the stuff we got from dreams. It was weird. Then i realized that this as well is a dream... Damn. I was sorta annoyed. lol


So, if someone is capable of chronokinesis, and you take an object in dream and go to your current timeline, would you get the object? But wouldn't that create a paradox?

Dream log: I broke my dreaming record once again!

Usually, i have trouble staying in a dream. I managed to develop a dream into lucid dream and when it was about to end i pushed it back to semi-lucid. I prolonged the dream by x3 times. The problem is, is that it wasn't vivid lucid (meaning i was not fully conscious nor superconscious.).

I actually forgot the dream. It was so long. I was capable of recalling certain scenes and am positive that i'm capable of recalling the full dream.

The dream itself served really no purpose. Once i awakened, i wanted to go check the village out. I walked and walked  but at the distance, the buildings changed (i was not in full control over the dream). I achieved momentary levitation (jump up, levitate, smoothly come down) The environment was nearly the exact.
What can i say. Everything was as it should be.

Then there was a funny part where i was with 2 older men, trapped and no food. I attempted making fire using PK, no success. Then i find a box next to me.... matches in it. I think my subconscious was saying:" Stop relying on your abilities so much." lol. It was a semi-lucid. I wasn't capable of prolonging the dream any further. It was fun experiencing this long dream tho. :)