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Showing posts with label update. Show all posts
Showing posts with label update. Show all posts

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Update of 12.06.2014

Estonian exam: 4. Mistakes: Too difficult terminology. Could have seen that coming. Well, who cares. Passed. Now, all that is left, is biology.

The last lessons, i have been learning stuff in Codecademy. Completed HTML+CSS, AirBnB, started PHP, Java, jQuery, API and intendending to start Python.



Went to sleep early yesterday. Had a lot of dreams. I remembered 5 of them.


1 (!! Not enough Info to recall !!) -- Another goodbye

I cannot remember it, but it stood out from all others, so i can only remember what it feels like -- It feels like a goodbye. A goodbye where someone disappears.
I hate these goodbyes. They hurt too much.

2: I'm powerful!!

In the dream, i had the ability to learn other's abilities. Any power, anything. I could make a copy of it. Due to that, i became more powerful than anyone. I could make huge boulders into tiny pebbles (they were glowing red hot! Probably due to compression).

3: Gods' domain

It was actually a horror themed dream. I was theorizing and practicing on how to call them and how to get to where they are. The result was actually more frightening than i thought (since i was forcing them to come to my location, instead visiting them). I did make there, though. And i was pretty much instantly banished from it. It was sorta dark, moon-like place with old temples. Floating rocks and rivers... but dark. Straight after what i saw, i felt such anger as it felt like someone was pressing down on me, and i fell into a pitch black "well". Lol. This is actually pretty funny. I'm messing with "gods". Hahahaha! xD

4: Disappearance of a man

After getting banished from that place, i fell into another place. It was dark (possibly some sort of lower lever dimension of "it's"?). I turn to the left to see sandbox which is illuminated by a streetlight. In the sandbox, there are children digging something hurriedly up. I approach to see them digging up something that looks like a small, fist-sized box in Christmas wrapper. I begin to dig as well, yet find nothing. As i gave up, i noticed, that there's no one anywhere near me anymore. The kids had vanished, but it didn't quite feel like that was the case. It felt like they had gone home.
Right after, i am greeted by a female child in age of around 13-14. Despite her age, she is quite mentally mature, yet for what i see, there's grief behind her smile.
Girl: "Did you find anything?"
Me:"No... Do you happen to know what they were digging?"
Girl:"... sadly, no."
A quiet moment. A look at the sky... no stars. Just pitch blackness. My sight falls back to the girl whom is staring at the sky, as well. In her hands, there's a white blanket, she's grasping it fairly strongly, as if she were in pain. Her head falls in a tired fashion.
Girl:"... would you like to come in... for tea?"
Me:"If that's alright with you, then sure."

We go walk indoors. The house is about 4 rooms big. Kitchen with a table, which was connected to the door we came in. A few steps forward, to the left, there's a big living room. To the right, there's a big window, with one of those slide-able doors (japanese style). If you go straight ahead, there's bedroom with queen-sized bed. To the left, there's bathroom with a bathtub. I did not see them, but i could feel it.
As i step forward to the kitchen, i notice how well the rooms are lighted. It somehow made a cozy feel to it. We sit down at the table, sipping tea. I've never liked tea. I hate it, but out of respect, i harden my face and endure it.
Slight moments after:
Me: "You look grim, are you OK?"
She"(Surprised, since she wasn't aware of her own emotions), oh, um...--"
Me:"--I guess the answer is obvious. (takes a deep breath, sighs and gives a determined look), Is there any way i can help?"
She:" (Sulks), I, uh... used to live with a boy. He was like a big brother to me. A week ago, he disappeared. When i tried asking others, if they know anything of him, it's like they didn't even know him!"

For a brief moment, a picture flashes through in my mind. A boy around age of 18. I couldn't tell what he looked like, but it felt like a "setting sun". It was calming. When i analyzed around the house, it was indeed like no one else had lived here. I couldn't pick up on anything else either.

Me:"Did he say anything before his disappearance? Or told what he was going to do?"
She:" "I'll bury my feelings under the feet of all whom are who are bound by this place" "
Me:"That's obvious! The sandbox! I'll--"
She"--I searched it! Nothing was there!"
Me:"Perhaps not deep enough? Like a wise man once said:"Throwing a net over all oceans, doesn't mean you'll get all the fish".
I shall try digging deeper."
I grab a shovel and hurry onto the sandbox.

After a while of digging, i find some things. 4 tall things wrapped in Christmas wrapping and a red marker. As i turn around and step out of the sandbox, she's there, waiting eagerly.
She:"Did you-- You found something?!"
As she approaches me, i open my hands and watch as her eyes widen in amazement. She quickly grasps the red marker which had also piqued my interest. Her head falls down as she's squeezing it close to her chest, tears begin to fall. I'm confused, yet somewhat relieved. Perhaps it was the thought of hers, that he did in fact exist, that he did not "disappear". Perhaps, i was just relieved to see someone happy.

// Dream cuts off, i wake up.

Damn it, i still ended up describing it too much. What am i, writing a book? *sighs*
(I remember every dream at ridiculous detail. I'm just too lazy to write it all down, and i doubt anyone has the time to read this nonesense. It would go at least 2x the length of it).

5. Randomness...

 It was fairly wacky dream. There was some story before it (I'm NOT going to be writing that nonsense). Something about a dream where 3 of us were running away from 2 dogs. For some reason, the dogs hated fireworks (you know, those crackling ones'?), so we thew those for distraction. They always found us, though, it was fun nonetheless.


Thursday, May 22, 2014

Update of 22.05.2014

So... English exam next monday (26-th). Damn lucky people, get to have a free day off just because of it.

Started learning japanese (not words, but i understand around 50% already). Kanji, hira- & katakana. I got half table of hiraganas learned in 2 days (didn't put much effort). I still cannot remember them to draw. This will fix itself once i get used to reading. I can already partially read text. Totally worth it. :)

Had some random thought moments yesterday. Made ink powder from printer ink and the other batch from very fine charcoal ("dissolve-able" by water). Seems to work fine. I'm gonna try making another one with dextrin, ink and alcohol. Should work. Can't use oils due to not drying. Hmmmmmm..............
While i was at it already, made a brush. Brush-tip was made from hair, end superglued, trimmed and glued to a pencil with a hole in it. I don't have enough funds to buy proper stuff. Have to improvise. xD

The row of weird dreams continue. I cannot understand where the effect originates. I don't seem to be in a different mind-set. I'm the usual me. Mood swings up and down and ideas come flying in from left and right. *shrugs*

People sometimes sure know how to ask stupid questions. Some think that the external HDD i carry is a computer... sure, it can be mistaken for a Rasberry, but aren't there a bit too few ports?
It's interesting to observe people's "huge realization" moments. Amusing too. When i teached my handicapped friend how to set up VPN and what something does, he always had this kinda "hyped" mind-set. Kinda like happy that he finally understood something. He's kind of a paranoid when it comes to security. Well, i doubt there's anyone in the school that potentially hack VPN. Well... there is 1 (and a friend of his), but they wouldn't probably do it... probably. :D


I'm using emoticons more... ayashina (strange/curious)...

---

So... ink test... alcohol went down. It does not dissolve dextrin (a binding agent made from corn/potato starch). Replaced it with hot water and seemed to work wonders. Dried fairly quickly. Did not fade or make smudges when went over with hand (when dried). Did not pass trough either. Perfect.


It's fairly difficult to write normal alphabet. I think i now know why they resorted to the creation of a new language. Hiraganas (or kanji's or katakanas in that matter) seem fairly easy to draw/write. Now i have to find a way somehow make the ink last longer. More concentrated, perhaps?

Friday, March 28, 2014

Update of 28.03.2014

It's my mom's birthday. I hate birthdays. Way too much people, way too much noise. But it's ok for as long as i don't have to step out of my room or anybody coming to bother me.

I hate birthdays because i think it's more like saying "Good job. You successfully managed to live another year". Not to mention them being utterly pointless.

Physics teacher took up the conversation about the Estcube-1 i talked about (yup, even told a little about what Sussch and the others do (I kinda pointed at you when i wrote the short ... thingy). Don't go think i'm not reading your posts or am not informed of what's going on (maybe not everything, but fairly much). ;)
When they asked how i know you it took quite the while to come up with a good answer since i didn't want to refer to 'you-know-what' stuff. So i said "We sorta have common interests".

There's been a few weird things going on. The LCD tv we have, is always crackling when i'm going to PC. Some sort of discharge?
Sitting at the kitchen, flurocent light on, something shadowy drops to the right and right after it you could hear scratching sound from the light. Mom was there and she was curious as well.

Watched sone weird anime about love triangle. I felt really disgusted and mortified. Lets call em male1 and male2. And there was this girl. This girl was a couple with male1 but was a sex-mate with male2. Male1 was spying on what she was doing and found out. He didn't do anything. Also, the girl never loved him so the male1 simply decides to keep acting.
I felt really sick and closed the tab. I even cleared history...now i can't remember what it was called. Either way, i think this kind of thing is more painful than simply told straight to the face that 'i don't like you, sorry'. That's not even painful... i don't even have words to describe how awful it is. I don't know why, but it seriously inflicted some real damage to me (guess it's like saying "you'll never get your loved one").

Was thinking of drawing a life-size anime character on the wall.


(23:22)

Watched Kara no kyoukai's first movie again. I just love their intro song.
It's funny, that most people don't have an idea what this anime movie is about. Knowing that somehow leaves me... empty. Sad. Alone.



I'm now certain that the depression is caused by something i'm not supposed to know/remember. With certain external stimuli combination, i keep remembering bits of places i never knew of. It's like cracking a code without actually cracking it. You let it be cracked. Even though i only get a picture or the sensation for a brief moment, it's enough to do collateral damage to my mood. I'm writing this because i'm experiencing.

Combination: Smells of other people + Above song
Picture: An old house in the middle of nowhere, on top of a small hill. Green grass with golden sunshine. The house is made of wood. Inside lives no one, but was habited by an old woman. Completely alone. Waiting for something. Inside i see old cupboard, covered in dust. There lies a rocking chair to the left of it. Golden light shines in from the right, illuminating with it's rays, as if she is still sitting there... waiting, with sad eyes that stare into the nothingness.

(The "depression" has got weaker, but is still there. Total mood kill. But somehow, i feel as i've known her)

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Update of 11 Dec. 2013

11.12.13... what a boring year it has been.

I've been only getting weaker by day, always feeling so tired. I was strugling to stay awake at bus today (at morning and at evening).

Yesterday, at work, i didn't have anything to do and guess what i found.



It was shaking from cold. It just sat on my hand for quite the while. I showed the other people too. It was amusing to see how their mood brightened up to such a small thing.
In the end, i lost it. Today i found it again. I let it out of the window (it was gonna die either from starvation or cold). I'm saying "it" since i do not know if it was male or female. I think they don't have genders... can't remember.

Yesterday, training auric sight at home again. It tired me pretty a lot. Interesting things was, that at some point i could see all colors out of tunnel vision as auric colors. It kinda like overrided the normal one.
I attempted to see through objects too. It didn't quite work, but i remember, that the objects had this really strong etheric field... it looked like a glowing white halo around it.

Attempted RV when waiting behind the work door today (i arrived too early, again). It was more stronger than usually.

Also, ive noticed strange visual phenomena. I see energy lines (channels), but usually near them is moving sparkling colorful dots that fade.


Other events are insignificant, not worth mentioning. I'm using too much "it". Oh well.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

More weird experiences

At work, nothing to do with boss away (alone, having to deal with clients and stuff, good thing there were pretty few). Meditating on the chair, pretty tired. The blackness comes into my mind. I'm home. It's so relaxing. Wait a sec... wasn't i at work? Startled, open my eyes quickly. Yup, still at work. Time? What's the time?? The last time i checked it was 14:37... it was 15:03. The time went past fast. Good i woke up, otherwise i would've missed the bus.

Last night, staring at the sky, a strong flash of light from certain point that faded in and out. Lasted about 0.7 seconds. Happened after the thought how i was upset about how people make a commotion about one person's death, meanwhile every 1.5s people die and don't even blink an eye towards them. Who cares if a damn actor lost his life, there's more than him out there in the world!

Riding the bus (today), reading "Wanderer's Handbook" (http://goo.gl/WcXgIf), bag on the left seat. It's slightly dark in the bus (no lights on). From corner of the eye, i see something reach it's hand towards my bag. I look... nothing.

Yesterday, when i was riding the bus, i had nothing to do (didn't feel like reading nor surfing the web). I stare out of the window, looking at the scenery. It was dark outside. Something glowing on the ground, yet there's no source of light. Double check it. Nope, still nothing. Snow... it glows bright blue. It lit up the entire field. It was pretty cool.

(I had been training PK, etheric and auric sight for the last 3 days).

Again in the bus (this morning), in a usual mindset (sleepy, tired, slightly crumpy), when suddenly i get a strong urge to have sex. I mean like REALLY strong urge. It came like in a snap of fingers. It was difficult to keep thoughts out of my mind, since a large part of me seemed to enjoy the sensation, wanting more.
I was very tired this morning, as in drained of energy and will (wanted to use energy on the bus, got a strong "no" from subconscious).


Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Update of 13 Nov

Well, i've failed every single OBE now. Seems sleeping a few hours before going to sleep again works.

Been training PK a little, mainly concentration. Staring at candle flame and forgetting all thoughts, burning away all impurities and blockades.

"It doesn't matter what happens outside; What does matter, is what goes on in your mind... the inner-world. The outer world can be changed, once one's inner world is in balance". I've been thinking this sentence for a while now. Seems to make sense.

Last night, i was trying to see in pretty much pitch dark, trying to amplify all light sources. Later got some pretty strong constant tunnel effect. It felt as i was wearing some kind of night vision goggles.

At shop today, i was thinking of attempting to somehow influence the lottery chance. It was only a brief thought, tried and then came my turn to pay. "One Euro Jackpot, please", i said. The machine malfunctioned, saying there is no paper left. I didn't move since they called someone to fix it. It was my mom's friend, whom they called. She opened it and there still was paper in it. Closed it, worked again.

There's something i never quite understood. Everyone speaks of this "unconditional love", nearly as if it were a new religion. Truth be told, i find it stupid. Here's my understanding of it: You love everyone. I think the "love" part is wrong. I do not love a random person. Sure, i do kind deeds to them, but it's just.... no. Love in my dictionary is something different. It's something only for VERY close people. I mean  for lover, mainly.
I simply cannot go with this new generation hippy crap. Just because there's light in the dark, doesn't mean that's your only opinion, right? It's just like moth is attracted to the fire in the dark. Why not BE the balance of both of them?
___

Dream log: Using PK with touch screen

This is was just a scene from my dream. We were somewhere in a forest, standing near a picnic table. It was night time, yet the area was rather well lit. Soon one of my mom's friends starts talking. "You know, the Windows ** you installed is so slow and it keeps crashing, not to even talk of the bugs", he boasts "It's a complete piece of junk! Where did you even get it?". I immidiately raise my middle finger and say "Just go and fuck yourself, K?" I walk away frustrated. (I hate egoisting people. They act if they know everything, but can't do anything)
Sitting on the grass, thinking to myself:"...It was still in beta, anyways.". Then i look at a huge screen, raise my hand and start browsing it as if i were touching a touch screen. Someone interrupted me, i forgot how i did it. I touched the screen as i normally did, then tried to use PK. I couldn't get any feedback, but i tried to imitate it. It worked (even tho there was quite the while since i got it to work).

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Anime update! Kara no Kyoukai!

This anime is very well made. It has A LOT of mind bogging ... sayings (There will be pics from first movie and seventh, haven't watched the others yet).

I highly recommend you to watch it. In fact, i sorta plead you to watch it (yes, it is that good). It has a dark story to it, has powers and a lot other amazing aspects.

Here come the pics!






And here's an epic moment!



Sunday, August 11, 2013

General: :/

I'm actually a bit annoyed by going over to the other forum. On android tablet, it looks rather confusing and lags. I would prefer the old one over the new. That is my opinion right now. Well see how future plays itself out.

I set up tasker (android app) to force me do a reality check every 30 min since i keep forgetting. It's just in a form of sending a mail. What time, how i feel, what i see etc.
I will as well print a schedule for PK, reality checks, mind-set trainings and much more (3-rd day i've forgotten to do it... darn).
I don't feel the need to meditate. Staring into the dark, breathing cold air is good enough to make me forget everything.

Had some dreams. Today had one that i have seen before. Acted differently, even tho the outcome last time was good as well. Can't say it was a good outcome this time. I somewhat threatened a woman's husband with a sword... eh.... why is it that people in dreams are different? Their personalities are totally different.


People's thinkings are like windows on a house. Once they change them, they do not consider the possibility of previous thoughts.
Some never decide to wash their windows, never knowing what may be outside. The best windows what you possible can have... are none.


Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Remote sight? Too mainstream! ;)

I've never heard anyone use remote taste or smell, or even hearing. Touch is technically a basis of PK.

I did a quick test. It seems rather simple and easy to learn. I was watching from my window, a smoke from the chimney. I attempted to smell it. It worked. I'm not sure who actually reads this but they might thing "Heh! Everyone can remember the smell of smoke!" but can you remember the smell of burnt shale oil? That is what i smelled.

Also, interesting thing is to try separate these smells to their full potential.


Remote tasting is rather common actually. People constantly use it subconsciously. You see a food, you faintly know how it tastes. What about a food that you never had? I have also tried that. I'm not a big fan of cakes. In fact, i hate them. So whenever there's a birthday, my mom buys one. The simple trick to it is to "imagine" eating it. Concentrate on how it feels... tastes.

The real fun is that all senses are inter-linked. What you see is what you taste, smell, feel and hear.
You can go around, tasting things without physically interacting with them.


Wanna be a spy? Look at a person and listen. Block out all other noise.

The human nature is suprisingly simple, yet complicated at the same time. Boring, yet at the same time interesting. Dark and light. Fire and water. Everything's equal. Everything is actually the same.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Just a general update

I've gained even further control over energy, sensing and visualizing with no effort at all. That proves that training mindlessly does not improve your abilities.
Today, going through the grocery shop, i could easily see everyone's energy field and aura (i've separated the two. One is where i concentrate on it's length, amount and potential ,the other where i analyze it in color spectrums and in feelings.).

I had another dream but i can't remember it. I woke up at 6 am because i was already good to go. Forced myself back to sleep... barely succeeded. Can't recall seeing anything important.

Went to melt metal once again. Tin this time (aluminium is way too time consuming). Splashed a little bit of molten tin on my hand. Once again, no burns, no nothing. How odd. It's nearly as some sort of subconscious defence.


I'm feeling weird again. The depression's knocking on the door again. Go away. I'm feeling crap even without you. If you come back with a better future, then i'll accept you.




Music: A7X - Brompton Cocktail






Re-edit:

The weird moment when you can't recognize your own voice on a recording.
It's totally true. In occasions, my voice changes. Yet only it changes when i'm in certain mood. If i'm nervous, my voice sounds weird. Maybe it's just because i'm used to not using it, and when i even use it, i speak so silently. Most of the times people say that "i speak under my breath". The truth is that if people would listen, they would understand. (OBE vibrations at 0:07 in wake state of mind)

Monday, July 15, 2013

Anime update: More awesome anime!

Here comes more awesome anime! Some of them are pretty gruesome. I mean that, as in body gets blown to bits. In other words, contains quite the much of gore.
Anyways! Without any further delay, let's kick off the list.

3 - Elfen Lied



Clearly one of the best storylined anime out there. Has a dark, sad and forces you to watch more like storyline. The anime itself has points of nudity and for my surprise, i expected more gore, which didn't happen.

A quick intro to the storyline:
There are people called "Diclonius" who have horns on their heads and are capable of using "Telekinetic" like arms. They got them through mutation. A secret organization rounded them up and locked them up as test subjects. One day, Lucy decides to break out but nearly at the brink of escape, gets shot at head yet miraculously survives. When she recovers, she doesn't know who she is or how to talk. She keeps repeating "Nyu", and thus is given the name "Nyu".

The anime has only 13 episodes, but always has something happening, which makes you feel as you had watched it for forever.
I heard that manga went on for longer... haven't checked it out yet.



2 - Steins Gate


Let the madness begin! This anime's all about time travel and it's consequences. At first it may seem quite stupid and I nearly stopped watching because of it. Slow take-offs. But! After that, it got quite interesting.
The show itself is only 24 (+1 special) episodes long.

A quick intro to the show:
Rintaro Okabe, or as he likes to be called, Hououin Kyouma, self-proclaimed mad scientist, accidentally invents time machine that lets him send text messages to past. Without realizing, he alters timeline and a person survives. The same person soon joins his team to further test the time machine. Soon he is faced by many serious problems and is pretty much in a pickle.

I cannot tell any further, otherwise i'd already ruin the show.



1 - K Project



In a world ruled by kings, people gain powers according to the king. The world is divided into sections where one may rule. Our main protagonist has no idea what is going on and soon meets her cat who is actually a nekomimi (cat girl). She refers to herself simply as "Neko" (Which of course means "Cat" or "Kitten"). This comes as a shock to the main protagonist. In a little while he will be hunted by most factions (the kings) because of a murder which he did not commit... or did he?



In overall, the best storylined is still "Elfen Lied". Why? I like dark and sad storylines. ;)

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Long time since of last post

So i thought i will make a quick post here what i have achieved so far:

  •  5-th aura layer seeing
  • Stronger energy field and control
  • More knowledge!
  • People who can teach and guide me.
  • More experience on getting OBE's. (Tho no success yet.)
And much more. I have no time to write this. Must go. I'll write when i have time ;)