I hate birthdays because i think it's more like saying "Good job. You successfully managed to live another year". Not to mention them being utterly pointless.
Physics teacher took up the conversation about the Estcube-1 i talked about (yup, even told a little about what Sussch and the others do (I kinda pointed at you when i wrote the short ... thingy). Don't go think i'm not reading your posts or am not informed of what's going on (maybe not everything, but fairly much). ;)
When they asked how i know you it took quite the while to come up with a good answer since i didn't want to refer to 'you-know-what' stuff. So i said "We sorta have common interests".
There's been a few weird things going on. The LCD tv we have, is always crackling when i'm going to PC. Some sort of discharge?
Sitting at the kitchen, flurocent light on, something shadowy drops to the right and right after it you could hear scratching sound from the light. Mom was there and she was curious as well.
Watched sone weird anime about love triangle. I felt really disgusted and mortified. Lets call em male1 and male2. And there was this girl. This girl was a couple with male1 but was a sex-mate with male2. Male1 was spying on what she was doing and found out. He didn't do anything. Also, the girl never loved him so the male1 simply decides to keep acting.
I felt really sick and closed the tab. I even cleared history...now i can't remember what it was called. Either way, i think this kind of thing is more painful than simply told straight to the face that 'i don't like you, sorry'. That's not even painful... i don't even have words to describe how awful it is. I don't know why, but it seriously inflicted some real damage to me (guess it's like saying "you'll never get your loved one").
Was thinking of drawing a life-size anime character on the wall.
(23:22)
Watched Kara no kyoukai's first movie again. I just love their intro song.
It's funny, that most people don't have an idea what this anime movie is about. Knowing that somehow leaves me... empty. Sad. Alone.
I'm now certain that the depression is caused by something i'm not supposed to know/remember. With certain external stimuli combination, i keep remembering bits of places i never knew of. It's like cracking a code without actually cracking it. You let it be cracked. Even though i only get a picture or the sensation for a brief moment, it's enough to do collateral damage to my mood. I'm writing this because i'm experiencing.
Combination: Smells of other people + Above song
Picture: An old house in the middle of nowhere, on top of a small hill. Green grass with golden sunshine. The house is made of wood. Inside lives no one, but was habited by an old woman. Completely alone. Waiting for something. Inside i see old cupboard, covered in dust. There lies a rocking chair to the left of it. Golden light shines in from the right, illuminating with it's rays, as if she is still sitting there... waiting, with sad eyes that stare into the nothingness.
(The "depression" has got weaker, but is still there. Total mood kill. But somehow, i feel as i've known her)
Perhaps you've been her?
ReplyDeleteA lot of series are like that. People acting wrong even though they know they are. Then they make it a secret. Then they whine about it being a secret and then they cause themselves even more problems while trying to get away from their own whining. It just beats the point of it all .. as if these series were meant to discourage people from watching them in the first place. Who enjoys watching someone torture themselves and then whining because of being tortured? Uhm .. I think I got it. =D
Even though most people don't enjoy a life of them torturing themselves and then whining about it, but they still live like that. I guess the series are meant to highlight that habit.
shadowy drops, light crackling .. wow.
I think the point of birthdays is to get together with old friends at least once a year. I stopped celebrating birthdays a while ago, so now it's just a piece of cake and tea with dad and sister.