As long as i have a shred of hope and will, i won't give up. I've lost all hope and trust in people. I want to be alone. I'm fine with being different.
Some music:
Katatonia - Discouraged ones
Friday, March 7, 2014
Broken
So, finally, it has went so far that people are starting to suggest going to a psychiatric. I will not go since i do not trust them (i don't trust anyone). I doubt they can do anything at all. All they'll do is point a finger at an asylum.
As long as i have a shred of hope and will, i won't give up. I've lost all hope and trust in people. I want to be alone. I'm fine with being different.
Some music:
Katatonia - Discouraged ones
As long as i have a shred of hope and will, i won't give up. I've lost all hope and trust in people. I want to be alone. I'm fine with being different.
Some music:
Katatonia - Discouraged ones
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One cannot become connected to the world by cutting themselves out.
ReplyDeleteYou're it, just like other people are. In a sense, they're different aspects of yourself.
Saying you've lost hope and trust is just plain selfish. Get yourself together, man. See it all for what it is, recognize yourself in it and accept it all for what it is. What's the point in coming this far and giving up to some puny emotions. You're way more than that. You have a lot that you can still learn in this life and a lot that you can teach to others. Whatever seems off to you in this world, know that you're a psion and you can change it just by changing it in yourself.
You're powerful, you can do whatever you put your mind to. And you know that.
I know that very well. But what about not connecting at all? What about creating a whole new world where everything you want, happens in a snap of fingers? As far as i've seen, everyone's only seeing the possibility of being connected to this, current world.
DeleteMaybe so, and what's even funnier, is to be bashed by another aspect of myself, or from your perspective, bashing yourself. But even so, if i were to change everything, there wouldn't be anything different which would move the world on. Differences are essential, and for all i care, they can stay that way. After all, they are not at fault. It's this damn weird thing that keeps bringing me down every now and then.
By the way, nice taunting.
Thanks :)
ReplyDeleteThis current world is also being created by ourselves. By creating a whole new world, one would still end up with their own world. This won't save them from their own valuable lessons. The only escape is to take those lessons and put them to good use.
All of us need a change every now and then. One needs to experience themselves from a lot of different aspects in order to understand. I suggest a large-scale change in the lifestyle. Or perhaps transfer to another school or go to work someplace that seems more fun.
I would suggest downloading Unity and starting as an indie game developer. That's so many different arts (blendering, music, sounds, story-telling, programming, etc.) and so much fun.
Ordered myself a small Wacom Intuos with Manga Studio. Sketching is a nice way to apply creativity. Would want to take up playing guitar also .. it's been a while since I last practised that. Also, on Kaspar's birthday, I bought myself a deck of cards. Kaspar taught me the art of throwing cards .. would be nice to learn to cut apples and tomatoes with cards.
There's so much I would want to practise and do within a lifetime. I'm happy when I see my other aspects doing what I lack the time for. I enjoy your pk practice, blogging skill, 2d and 3d art, I would probably also enjoy your guitar songs.
Hmm .. teaching Blendering, Unity and art design in general at school might also be good. Would be a ton better than those regular lessons that they're giving.
ReplyDeleteBack at our school, there was a multimedia lecture. It sort of sucked, although less than many other subjects. However, it was real fun to make our first anime with a few randomly assigned schoolmates.
Also, building an electronical gingerbread house for some school gingerbread competition was also fun. Didn't matter that we only got a pen and a balloon for it.
I do understand where you are getting at, but the thing is, nothing makes me feel... fulfilled. It's eating me from inside out. No matter what i try, it won't fill me. Nothing seems like new.
Delete(Had an idea to make an unity game that would use real life PK to progress... but it would take sooo much time that it already feels like i'll never finish it)
We had that multimedia class too. It was boring. Never finished it.
Electronical gingerbread house?
"I do understand where you are getting at, but the thing is, nothing makes me feel... fulfilled. It's eating me from inside out. No matter what i try, it won't fill me. Nothing seems like new."
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly what I'm aiming at. This attitude is what causes you to never feel fulfilled. With the proper attitude, you can do anything and feel fulfilled. Everything becomes a meditative pleasure, provided that the mindset is right.
"(Had an idea to make an unity game that would use real life PK to progress... but it would take sooo much time that it already feels like i'll never finish it)"
If it feels that way, then change the feeling. Since, everything you ... is a construct. The construct will be how you feel about it. This applies to everything in life. Nothing is new, unless you approach it from a new way of feeling about it. When you do anything in the wrong mindset the output is gonna be worse than when doing nothing. However, when you do nothing, you won't learn. It's not what you do that's so important. It's how you do it that matters most. The art is to do everything in the correct mindstate so that everything becomes a meditation, a bliss and pleasure. Be it homework from school, chopping firewood, painting landscapes, playing piano or writing code.
Once listened to a presentation of development and testing in Skype. The 'Skype' construct had been finely crafted before they even started doing anything. They had a very good foundation, good philosophy, carefully planned ethics and everything in a single construct that was easy to demonstrate to new members.
Our student project missed a good construct at first. It was a challenge for me to manipulate the minds of stressed and exhausted coworkers to keep the construct together so that the project wouldn't fall apart at the most critical times.
Here's something that has worked almost every time I've used it. Before I get to work, I design the workday with feelings (cause workday is a construct, too). "Today sun will come out, I'll finally find the Heisenbug and by the evening I'll have it fixed. That'll make me feel happy for weeks." Then that's how the day will be. On Friday I found a great one .. had been debugging code for months and then one day I found the memory corruption bug that has caused all those crashes. Made me feel so good .. still happy about the achievement.
The gingerbread house had LEDs installed, which switched on / off in patterns. Initially we had also planned for a snowfall (a box of sugar powder + a low-powered fan), but lacked the time for that.
Dude, thank you. This discussion has taught me so much. =)