---
Here's some quotes from the "mental breakdown day":
(I was in a seriously dark mood [my emotions changed very fast. One moment, it was sad, the other angry, then lost etc.] and partially in trance. This is the main point where nothing made sense anymore.)
Wow. Ha-ha. I can't disagree with "dark me". He has some good points. Know what? Next time I'm gonna have this kind of depression, I'm gonna keep blogger open just in case i will write something, that i do not usually think of. Perhaps i could connect the dots.
Btw, "I feel as I'm surrounded by nothing but darkness and emptiness". That was actually pretty creepy. Oh right. I remember, how i imagined the universe as a pitch black place and then completely filled with light. None of it made any sense since i felt like the universe was dissolving away around me (or as i was glitching through it).
(I was in a seriously dark mood [my emotions changed very fast. One moment, it was sad, the other angry, then lost etc.] and partially in trance. This is the main point where nothing made sense anymore.)
"
If i give up everything, as monks do, could i say, that i did it for a purpose? Why would i even do it? If I want enlightenment, am i not desiring something? What and where exactly am i? I feel as I'm surrounded by nothing but darkness and emptiness. Emptiness... love, fulfillment... The opposite. The exact same thing.
I'm confused. I'm not even sure if I'm alive or dead. Not sure if i do exist or not. Not sure where, what or who i am. I'm lost. Nothing makes sense.... or perhaps, everything is just too simple and it's staring me in the face.
By soon, i guess i will be happy for a while, but deep down, i know I'm not. This world is confusing...
I guess i know that right now, I'm not the usual me. "Me"... what a strange thing. There is no me. All i see the universe as is an endless loop until someone decides to press CTRL-C. All it is, is a bugged code. A shitty code written by a consciousness called "us". "Me". With a lot of files and codes missing. ... I simply cannot find an answer.
"
Wow. Ha-ha. I can't disagree with "dark me". He has some good points. Know what? Next time I'm gonna have this kind of depression, I'm gonna keep blogger open just in case i will write something, that i do not usually think of. Perhaps i could connect the dots.
Btw, "I feel as I'm surrounded by nothing but darkness and emptiness". That was actually pretty creepy. Oh right. I remember, how i imagined the universe as a pitch black place and then completely filled with light. None of it made any sense since i felt like the universe was dissolving away around me (or as i was glitching through it).
Well, that's that. I'm off to sleep now.
One of the most awesome posts ever!
ReplyDelete"Next time I'm gonna have this kind of depression, I'm gonna keep blogger open just in case i will write something, that i do not usually think of."
I'm thinking the same :).
What if it's not buggy? What if these are features?
There is no "me", there is no "you" nor "them", there's just consciousness. Depending on how we distribute consciousness, we can experience being separate or we can experience being united.
What if the desire for enlightenment is "not wanting", or in other words, giving up everything? But then again, it's "wanting" of "not wanting", which is still a desire, right? Unfulfilled desire contains a lot of unleashed power .. it can be very inspiring.
Might it be that there is no answer? That the point for us is to implement the missing functions and come up with our own answer?
Just some random .. that came to mind.
I've noticed the same thing about past, present and future. The more I would condition my mind, the more I would recognize events from the past, which indicate the effect of this conditioning. After all, psychokinesis works beyond space and time.