Dream log: I was killed twice, apparently. (+ general log)

I cannot remember getting killed twice, but so i said.

I'm not sure what was going on. Cannot remember. All i remember, is someone coming after me. He placed hand on my forehead and then it suddenly got really peaceful and my heart stopped. Soon, my heart started up again. 

Apart from that, the new year crap is boring. Everyone's having "fun" in the living room, whilist i am laying here in bed, listening to music and watching anime. These people bore me, so i say straight to the face:" I'll be in the other room, not existing for a certain period of time". Not to even mention mom's friends who brought their kids along... I really, really hate noise and nonsense.

Dream log: Deafened, wind slapping crows and a scary stalker

I better write these down before i forget.

Dream 1: Tanks...

The most memorable scene. I walk down a street. There's a crossroad. Pretty beautiful environment (it was summer, everything was green). I look to right... "That's odd, that really looks like a tank... oh shit! It is one!" (Loud bang, can't hear anything) a huge tree falls, i nearly dodge it. I hide into nearby bush near the fence of the road. It's turning... better cover my ears this time. (dream ends)


Dream 2: A crappy birthday party

It all starts with my mom wanting to get some wallpaper from a nearby store. She does buy some... only to use it on her shoes (no idea).
At home, i'm just sitting in my room, not wanting to do anything with the guests (i kinda hate crowds of people. I'm a bad host and cannot entertain others). More people come...especially who i don't know. A pair of girls give me a piece of paper and say:"I bet you can easily decypher this". I attempt to read, but cannot understand, so i throw it on a shelf and say "I can't right now... my head feels like exploding". I go to the kitchen, take a lighter, release some gas in my mouth and light it. Bang. Greeaaat.... i'm deaf again. So there i am, sitting in the living room with others, slowly regenerating my hearing. When i heard them talk about me, i laughed, replied something with a dead serious face and ran out the door (that's kind of a thing i would rarely do :D ).

Outside... bored. A hell of a wind goes past me and gives me an idea. I see a crow and decide to wind slap it down to earth (don't ask me why... i just wanted to hold one lol). Went to grab it... damn, that bastard keeps trying to bite me. Well, i never got to hold it and got bitten. Guess it serves me right.

Also, a weird part of the dream was that there were kittens everywhere.


Dream 3: How great. An immortal stalker with superpowers who wishes to kill everyone.

Funny thing, i got even backstory to her.
The place it takes off, is some sort of a cargo holding facility. There are various machines too.
We are running away from her. We try to stop her no matter what. I see a van de graaff generator and think that would surely immobilize her... nope. She somehow gets under a trendmill but still survives. She flies off the other end, having major bruises yet nothing. I hit her on the head with a piece of wood, then on the back of the neck... nothing. We decide to run. She was obviously after me, no idea why.
As others have run away, i am walking home on a dark rainy day. Suddenly, a lightning hits the ground far away. I knew it... it was her. As soon as i saw another lightning bolt hit the ground, i jumped up (since the ground was wet, and it was her intention to electrocute me). I decide, that i continue walking on wooden fences. Still safer than on ground.

(Wake up, force back to sleep)

I'm on a computer, researching her. There are  huge drawn faces on my wall. Her faces. They change. Quite creepy.
Suddenly, i'm in a memory of hers. I see an old man and her. It's snowy and snowing. Somewhere in the mountains. It was a skiing trip, i think. The old man says:"I cannot go on, i'm so tired. Just leave me here". The girl shakes her head, places hands on the man and gave her energy to him. The old man didn't live long. He died. The girl was crying.

The reason she tried to kill me was a test to see if i am immortal, so she wouldn't have to relive one of those memories.


Well, one thing is sure. It wasn't boring.

Dream log: More depression for me!

You know what? I would be fine with being called insane if there was someone who only i can see and interact with (physically). Not that i am not insane, right now...

Dream 1: Live dogs are NOT food!

This dream took place in... Rakvere, was it? Maybe Tartu. Cannot remember. Anyways, I walk into a grocery store where i find a weird looking cake. I approach it... It freaking moved! Those eyes, shape... it's a dog! I immidietly go to the stand where they make them.
"I think you should stop making these (points to it) weird cakes",
"why?"
"What do you mean why? There's a live dog in it!"
"So?"
"What 'So?', It's ALIVE! If you aren't going to drop making these, i will pick up this matter with your boss",
"I see nothing wrong with it. If you think biologically, we are designed to eat our preys"
"It's been thousand of years since that! We don't do such things anymore! And if you know something of evolution, there should be something in that "cap" of yours.",
"(calls boss) Fine, if you can answer this, we'll stop. ******"

Here i cannot remember, but i succesfully answered it.

There ends part one of the dream.

Dream 2: I met a girl and sorta fell in love....... again....

Just after that weird accident, i buy something to eat and step outside the shop. There's a black haired girl, sitting on the ground. Nobody seems to even take notice of her. She seems sad, so i crouch down and ask whats wrong. Her mood brightens up a little and says:
"It's like i don't exist..."
"Yeeeah... these days, it's like people are brainwashed. They never tend to help others. By the way, do you have a home you cam go to?"
"No..."
"Well, in that case, do you want to live with me? I just brought some food too"
"Won't i be a burden to you?"
"Not at all! I know what it means to be alone. Even i've been through that."

(It's odd. One time it's me helping, then there's others helping me. How nice.)

From here i can only remember few scenes.
Apparently, this girl had strong PK abilities. She could freeze fire, melt ice, transform items etc.But i cannot remember any other convos with her. Grrr, damn you mind, i told you to memorize!!

// I'm gonna leave it broken here. Memories tend to come back later. If they do, i'll update, if not, i'll finish off as much as i remember. //

Problems around every corner...

Whatever i may do, it grows so stressful. Even when i don't do anything, the stress keeps growing. I'm getting scared, that whatever i may touch, will go off in flames.
Even when i watch the LCD screen (no matter what LCD) it starts to flicker a little, then my attention grows to that and so does geisting. Soon enough, i can see the refresh rate of the screen.

This isn't only with electronics. No matter what, i get scared. I feel guilt growing every second. The thought, that frequently pops into my mind is that i would like to get away from everything and everyone. I may be running away from the problem, but at least this way, i won't end up destroying things...

---

Edit: Down i hit again. 21:11, 23.12.2013... feeling shit as hell again. I should mark these events down.

The only thing that seems to make it better is not talking to anyone and embrace it at it's fullest. Recall a dream, and gain happiness from it.

http://pkalar.blogspot.com/2013/07/dream-log-i-have-no-words-to-describe.html
Second part of the dream... it still warms my heart. I guess this block of ice still has some warmth to it.

Thank you, for once again, little girl.
---


Right! I'll use this little positivity that i have to write down today's dreams.


Dream log: The end of Earth and the New Earth

It wasn't quite randomly generated environment. It took off straight away from what people called 'New Earth'. This planet had 3 suns and the average temperature was around 40C. Days did not last very long, around 12 hours. There wasn't much life. I come across some people... they were part of a cult. When i spoke to them, they wanted me to join. I asked "Why?", which they replied "Because we need money to get off this planet". On that planet, there were only very few people. Hundreds, at most. They were paid to stay together. Some used that money to build homes, others, to find life outside this planet. I asked few more questions. "What happened to the 'old earth'?" ... "Solar flare". The planet lasted for 30 millenniums (i don't know from what or from when), and this (New Earth, not this one) will only exist for 40 millenniums.
From that point, it got a little random. Looking up, i saw 3 suns. One large (I'd say about the size of 3-4 times our current sun, when you look to the sky), medium (still bigger than the current one) and a small one (it was giving off white-ish light). Sky was orange.  They arrangement was somewhat similar to this:

Further one from this point, it's useless to write it down. It got totally random and distorted. I do not remember clearly, either.

Lucid dreaming at work

Third no-sleep night. I wa so tired, that i took meditative position, then slept on it (i'm pretty flexible). Soon enough, i started to notice something weird.  This odd feeling. It's as if my consciousness "transferred" into another world. I pulled off somehow a WILD (wake induced lucid dream). What i clearly remember, is that i remember all the sounds that surrounded me. People walking past, chatting etc. When this "transferring" process took place, it felt like you forgot everything that surrounded you and you got much much more aware. So aware, that it was somewhat scary. I was mainly scared because i thought no one would wake me up for work. As the noises from this world disappeared, and the noises from the other world appeared i noticed. "Hey, i'm still in the same place! (Walking around) Wait a sec, where's my body? (Nope,no body)". I decided to wake up for a moment to see if anyone has come. nope. Back i went! Same place still. When i moved into other places, i was suddenly in a school. For some reason, i was really pissed and repelled anyone who tried to make contact with me (haha, mornings make me grumpy). I even remember watching TV! There was a music video... some sort of green santa with damn awesome metal song in the background. Then i decided to levitate down the stairs because why the hell not? :P

And all that managed to happen in 15 - 20 minutes.
When  i tried to retry it (imagine blackness, forget, imagine a place, trancend consciousness), i failed. I believe tiredness played an important rule this time. And guess what? I feel like i just slept for 3-4 hours. Freaking awesome!

(I left out about 90% details about the dream world).

A restless night

Attempted OBE last night... ended up trying til' morning. Feeling really tired. Couldn't fall asleep because there was always some crap playing in my head. But i did manage to see one dream! It was rather interesting.

It was the age when common people ruled the earth. They used nicknames (like usernames for a site) for business. From the major part, it was quite peaceful, but there was this odd side too.
One night, i dreamt. What i saw was a blur. I see a figure approaching me. A voice appears:"Do you want power?" ... "Yes." Next morning i woke up to find this weird pill on the desk in my room. It looked metallic and cylindrical. I ate it. Weird things started to happen; Eye-sight became very ... odd. The focus of my vision zoomed into any object at VERY long distances and the un-focused part remained the same. I felt really high, i mean that literally. It's as if i was watching myself from above. Mom walks into the room, my hands shake, not of fear, but from excitement. I hide my hands behind my back. Mom leaves, effect wears off.

Next night, i meet this guy again. He asks:"Do you want more?" "Yes, please." He gives me a whole big bottle of them. I wake up... i'm holding them.  I'm looking at the news and hear from somewhere "WillBilly has got sloppy." I immediately knew they were referring to those weird metal cylindrical thingies. Was he who gave them to me?

I'm going outside. About to close the door when a guy runs up, in a panic. Asks with a worried face:"Do you have any of those pills??" "Yes, i do.", he starts walking towards me with a happy face. "Stop", i say. "In exchange, i want information". "Yes, yes... anything!"... i think to myself "Is this just hunger for powers or addiction? Not that they are so different... but still". I ask "What are those things?" he immediately says with a surprised face "You don't know? Those pills will do what you want them to do! They are only handed to FEW people!! (He made it sound, as in around 10 at most, or even less)". I let out a sigh and tell him to follow me. I gave him a few (even though i had a whole bottle of them). He thanks a lot and leaves running with a happy face.

Time passes, it's evening. I'm sitting behind a desk with (*Deja vu moment... i remembered some kind of future event of my life*) my mom. I ask if she wants to try one of those weird pills. To my amazement, she agrees (she would never). I ask if she feels anything. She says in a disappointed voice "yeah, barely". Has she tried it before or is she just resistant towards it? Who knows.

(Dream cuts off. Follows a long, sleepless night.)

Well, it was an interesting dream. The closest i can describe that feeling when i took one, was like i took a TON of energy and it overpowered my system so much, that it forced me to a different mind set. In other words, half-OBE.

"What you want them to be", eh?...

PK block + OBE update + Dreams

From one side comes good, from other.. bad. In PK, i'm failing absolutely. If i'd go to PK school, i'd drop out. I get connection and everything, but PK doesn't take effect. Probably because i don't train much.

On the other side, i'm making progress with OBE again. It has kinda become a habit to try OBE every night. I'm facing another problem. When i enter a reality, i either get kicked out or lose consciousness. Now i have to find a way to stay awake when entering into these worlds.

(It's kinda like when you try to see in the dark. One moment you can see clearly, the other, all goes black. The images are too unstable. Concentration problem, perhaps?)


Aside from all the previous, i'm starting to remember dreams again.

(*Deleted major part of the dreams.*)

In the dream, i'm in a more futuristic environment. Spaceship-ish. Lights on the walls, most stuff made of metal. There were no windows. Just when i'm about to take a step, i see a commercial with sex. I mean like all private parts were allowed, with "action" (if you understand what i mean). A bit disgusted after seeing it, i get a letter (in a paper form). I look at it confused. It was rather large. I couldn't make out what was written on it. I open it and the first thing i see, is about the conspiracy about that weird commercial that i saw. I read:"

(Something like this, i cannot remember the exact text.)

*** are actually fine with such ad's?! 

Many have seen, and perhaps already have joined the resistance, against that ad. Just a short while after publishing, there was a big outrage. People are still protesting, yet nothing is done about it. 

Quoting ***:" (Woman voice speaks) I see nothing wrong with it and i believe it's a great example for children. After all, we all have similar bodies, what's there to hide?". 

But that's not all. According to the head of *** (the one who allows publishing such stuff), he thinks likewise. 

// This was only part of the top of the page. I couldn't even take a look at the other pages! Damn! //

(Dream ends.)

The next dream is pointless to tell (probably...).

Also, i for some reason seem to believe that i will live for 2400 years. It feels right. That would be troublesome though (everyone seems to say 100 years is long time, but it seems rather short to me. Maybe i'm just trying to play god, who knows.)

Update of 11 Dec. 2013

11.12.13... what a boring year it has been.

I've been only getting weaker by day, always feeling so tired. I was strugling to stay awake at bus today (at morning and at evening).

Yesterday, at work, i didn't have anything to do and guess what i found.

It was shaking from cold. It just sat on my hand for quite the while. I showed the other people too. It was amusing to see how their mood brightened up to such a small thing.
In the end, i lost it. Today i found it again. I let it out of the window (it was gonna die either from starvation or cold). I'm saying "it" since i do not know if it was male or female. I think they don't have genders... can't remember.

Yesterday, training auric sight at home again. It tired me pretty a lot. Interesting things was, that at some point i could see all colors out of tunnel vision as auric colors. It kinda like overrided the normal one.
I attempted to see through objects too. It didn't quite work, but i remember, that the objects had this really strong etheric field... it looked like a glowing white halo around it.

Attempted RV when waiting behind the work door today (i arrived too early, again). It was more stronger than usually.

Also, ive noticed strange visual phenomena. I see energy lines (channels), but usually near them is moving sparkling colorful dots that fade.


Other events are insignificant, not worth mentioning. I'm using too much "it". Oh well.

Traveling back in time or just confusion?

This morning... well, afternoon, i had a clear belief that today is sunday. I have nearly no memory what i did yesterday. The only thing i clearly remember is that i was messing around with CSS. Other than that, it all feels like a dream. Like between present and last memory, nothing existed.

Apart from that, i remember dream about something to do with meteorite's hitting the earth.

Tranquilizer, dreams...

I went to the dentist at 10:00 and came back. It's 13:42 and it has still not worn off. That makes 3 hours and 42 minutes. Usually it wears off in about half hour so what gives?
The tranquilizer didn't take effect either at first. I had to bear with the pain. Sucks. My tooth still hurts.
(I seriously hate dentists, but not the people personally)

Last night while being stalked by another entity, i decided to hit the hay. I was attempting to send out some sort of message, to myself and to the universe, that i want my past life skills and memories back.
The dream was that i had easy control over objects. I sorta twisted a flower 360 just because i wanted to know my limits (Sorry, flower!).
Also, i remember having this weird contraption with me. It looked simple. An electrolyte, transistor, LED, power source, switch. When i turned it on, it seemed like a normal light (blue, and red... both somehow but only one LED). There was a slight pulsing going on. I'm guessing it was some sort of mind state altering device?

I wonder what would binaural beats look like when visualized in a correct way.

Re-designed blog

I thought the old blog was rather difficult to read and had a bad look, so i did a bit of redesigning.

• Changed backgrounds, edge colors, font styles & sizes.
• Changed hyperlink colors to orage-ish, and when hovered over it turn blue-ish green (an attempt to awaken people's auric sight. I'm not sure how precice the color is though. I'm pretty tired and all i see is mostly blur)
• Rating system at footer.

That's mainly it. :)


Edit: Comment system still heavily malfunctioning.  Got to get that fixed when i have time...

PsiPog's creator wrote a book?

I had a ton of Ebooks on my flashdrive (over 200 for sure, mainly occult science etc.) and stumbled upon an ebook called "Sean Connelly - The Psion Handbook".

Here's a redirect to it.

  

Also, i've been reading an ebook about etheric vision. Don't know who wrote it but... yeah. I have not read a lot, but it has it's interesting points.

Also, i got double spooked by the same entity last night... not amused... not amused at all.

More weird experiences

At work, nothing to do with boss away (alone, having to deal with clients and stuff, good thing there were pretty few). Meditating on the chair, pretty tired. The blackness comes into my mind. I'm home. It's so relaxing. Wait a sec... wasn't i at work? Startled, open my eyes quickly. Yup, still at work. Time? What's the time?? The last time i checked it was 14:37... it was 15:03. The time went past fast. Good i woke up, otherwise i would've missed the bus.

Last night, staring at the sky, a strong flash of light from certain point that faded in and out. Lasted about 0.7 seconds. Happened after the thought how i was upset about how people make a commotion about one person's death, meanwhile every 1.5s people die and don't even blink an eye towards them. Who cares if a damn actor lost his life, there's more than him out there in the world!

Riding the bus (today), reading "Wanderer's Handbook" (http://goo.gl/WcXgIf), bag on the left seat. It's slightly dark in the bus (no lights on). From corner of the eye, i see something reach it's hand towards my bag. I look... nothing.

Yesterday, when i was riding the bus, i had nothing to do (didn't feel like reading nor surfing the web). I stare out of the window, looking at the scenery. It was dark outside. Something glowing on the ground, yet there's no source of light. Double check it. Nope, still nothing. Snow... it glows bright blue. It lit up the entire field. It was pretty cool.

(I had been training PK, etheric and auric sight for the last 3 days).

Again in the bus (this morning), in a usual mindset (sleepy, tired, slightly crumpy), when suddenly i get a strong urge to have sex. I mean like REALLY strong urge. It came like in a snap of fingers. It was difficult to keep thoughts out of my mind, since a large part of me seemed to enjoy the sensation, wanting more.
I was very tired this morning, as in drained of energy and will (wanted to use energy on the bus, got a strong "no" from subconscious).

Visited by myself

I had a pretty odd experience night ago, that i wanted to write about for a while now.

I woke from a bad dream, but cannot remember it was about. It was about 3 in the morning. The first thing when i open my eyes, i see a figure by the doorway. I continue to stare, thinking that it might be one of the short hypnogogic images. Blink my eyes many times, take a zip of coke from bottle next to my bed (i wake multiple times at night, from thirst). Watch the doorway again... the figure is still standing there. Oddly, it didn't frighten me one bit. It felt as i knew that person VERY well, as it was me. I decide to take another zip of coke... gone. The figure was gone. Then i finally realized that someone was actually standing there.

I remember that the person had short hair, a long coat (a little bit longer than to knees), the neck area of the coat was quite high, it reached to below eye. He had a fair body structure, not muscular, not fat, not thin. The clothes he wore was black.

And what's weird, i want one of those long coats. He had everything exactly how i would want. The only conclusion i seems to be that i was visited by myself from future.

Star gazing, once again.

I've been star gazing since childhood. Whenever no one understood me or i just wanted to be alone, i looked up. Whenever i look at them, it makes me sad, as if i'm completely alone in the universe... as if no one ever has existed, as if i'm just a pointless entity, that can't figure out his existence.

I guess you could say, that i'm subconsciously wishing, that something would happen, something, that would change my life would change. I do not want what majority of people want. I have no use for money, power or other stuff like that. What i want, is to go on an adventure. Something, that would will my heart up.
A part of me says "it will never happen", while the other "there's infinite possibilities out there, you can't just rule it out!". 

All that i am, is just two opposing natures.

Dream log: Tons of dreams

I counted the dreams i saw. 10. Later ones were difficult to memorize since i had forced myself back to that state for quite many times.

The most memorable ones were where i went to wrestling which took place in an environment, where i have never been to. It's a non important dream.

What i do want to talk about, is a dream about PK.

From the point i remember:
I am sitting behind a computer desk. In front of me, i have a wooden, round cylinder. From the top, expands a metal '+' which is connected to a circle. From the circle, there are hanging metal needles. On the desk, below the wooden cylinder, there's a circular coil. That coil is connected to computer. In addition to it, there's somewhere a sensor which senses the PK. These waves go to PC and are processed, then converted into different resonant patterns which allow you to move the needles to your wanting. This was invented to help people develop PK abilities easier (not sure by whom).

Edit: Something like this.

Edit 2: Here, i modeled something like that.

Later on, outside, i move some stuff. Then my parents say something that catches my mind:"It's your destiny to master these abilities"... i said nothing. There is no such thing as mastering. Ignoring that, i attempted to fly (failing multiple times), i felt myself getting lighter and jumped slightly. I jumped 2 floors high building, then hanging by the roof. Then i got used to it and could fly. And then my dream went all nutty and decided that 'i am in another world'. The world had these spots that were really colorful. Literally, levitating colors. I flew there but i got really dizzy. Then out of nowhere, a voice says "They use colors as a disguise to drain your energy". Now thinking about it, the first thing that came to my head was all that "love and peace" stuff. Then again, who knows.

And then i woke up later since my mom decided to come check if I'm alive (i had been sleeping for 17 hours. From 22:00 to 15:00).

Update: 21 Nov. 2013

I'm losing self-awareness. I can't remember dreams clearly. Must start doing constant reality checks.

Meditated... nearly fell asleep many times (and almost fell of the chair). Did some pranayama which made me totally thoughtless. Built up some cold, soothing psi around my arms (cold is the easiest for me to control and recall). Tried creating stronger connection to everything... managed to lose the thought in a few minutes.

Have been trying to move ping-pong ball from time to time (non-constant), the next morning had an instant dream where i was doing the same (and some other things) successfully. Should invest some anime time into PK, don't feel like watching anything any time soon, either.

RV. Seeing through eyelids has become rather easy (but can't get the result if doing something else). Tried walking up the stairs... the image was too weak, but still managed to get to my door. Also, today, riding the bus home, it was somewhat interesting to sense how the light from street lights went over your head to back.

It was rather foggy today. I've been trying to overlay a memory with reality. Sadly, did not work. Even though, in my mind's eye, i knew where things are, it didn't override normal vision.

OBE.... I don't know about it. Can't exactly remember. But i do remember seeing our dead dog by my doorway (white fur, brown eyes, slightly lifted ears as in interested in something). Yelled to my mom (in other room), saying "Dog's home!" "What? Dog's lost? (Mom)" "No, Dog's HOME (me)" ... "I think you should turn on the light (Mom)...".
I thought it to be funny, meanwhile i could hear some fear in her voice. I don't get it, why everyone thinks death is such a horrible thing. It's like people can't think outside their box. To them, death is seizing to exist.


I think people should remember this:
"What you believe to be true, your mind will do."

(Under 'mind', i mean subconscious. It's the decision you would make if you have no choice. In a dream, you act according to it... unless you are awake that is. In extreme conditions, as well.)

OBE: Making some progress again + Some weird stories

OBE:

Something different has started happening lately. At first, when i get images and look at them, they are stable for a moment, then suddenly they de-stabilize and i get a black screen. Soon after, another image appears much more vivid and it feels as if you are really in that world and then the same happens again. It de-stabilizes suddenly. This happens a couple of times, but later on, i have a complete block. I try to materialize/stabilize the images and place, try sending my consciousness but nothing. It fades away.

The usual what i imagine would be: My grandma's house. To the left is forest, a small lake. To the right there is a small plown land and further as far as you can see is a green land. In front, there is an old house, it's falling apart, made of wood. Fences are rusting. Windows broken. Behind there's a small sauna. It hasn't been used for years. It's made of stone bricks.

Stories:

I don't know why, but every time i imagine that, i get a bit scared. It has always been like that. Even when i went there, at first, i felt fear. Later on, i forgot about it. It always had felt like something was off about it. Especially the forest behind the house. I didn't even wanna look at it. We usually went to visit her each month or so (she lived only with her dog). She seemed fine. One day at summer, when i was searching through the house, i found behind a locked door in a drawer, a thermometer. When i went to show it to my mom and dad, her reaction suddenly went totally off. She started yelling at me for no reason. I had been to that locked room for several times and had taken to show multiple things, yet that somehow affected her. She wasn't someone agressive or anything. It was like an outburst of anger (or maybe fear) out of nowhere. I started crying (even tho i was rather old). Dad argued with her (her mother) for a while. She had even cried. It striked me odd. Sure, it was wrong of me to go through someone's house, but such reaction out of nowhere? And also her crying? It's like she regretted it.
A month passes. We go back. While going through the stuff again (it's like something pulled me into it), i overheard a weird conversation. The conversation was rather normal, when suddenly she mentions some secret agents giving her orders, that she is being watched. She had no phone, nor a computer... not to even mention electricity. My parents instantly labeled her as crazy, i did not. I knew something was off about this place. I was afraid to even go to the second floor. It felt as i was always being watched. I know my other grandma scared me that there are monsters in the dark (which might have triggered this "paranoia"), but this was completely something different. The only place i felt better was outside. And what's even weirder, she was fine a few months ago. It's like she had snapped or something. A few months later, her dog died. She had been over feeding her, but as i remember, the dog was only 8 years old. Months went by... suddenly, she died. It was winter. She had frozen solid and mice had eaten from his finger and eyeball. I wasn't allowed to go, mom can't take such things so dad only went. Afterwards, we cremated her... ... ... and til this day, the ashes still sit in the big closet in my bed room (the closet is at most 2m away from me, it's kinda been nerving me, even though my mom keeps repeating "she's reduced to ashes, she no longer exists". I think she's scared that i might prove her otherwise. Even when i bring up the topic of OBE, she does everything to avoid it. When i ask "why?", she says that she is afraid of the unknown and would rather stay blind towards it.).

My dad has told some other stories about that place too.... i'm not sure if they are true or not.
He claimed, that his dad had buried a gun somewhere near where a fence used to be on the garden. It was supposedly stored in a special way. Sand, cartong, cotton, box, cotton, cartong, soil. Grandma (before she went nutty) claimed that she had dug up some sand in the garden. She was unsure where exactly. Never found it. I attempted to dig it up using by sending energy waves through earth, to see if there's something different in there. All i found was a bottle cap and some wires.

A story he had also told was that somewhere on top of a hill, near a house was supposedly hidden a box of jewels from world war 1. I knew where the house was located (well, it had fallen apart), but never got to go there. We rarely went near that region (even though there was a nice environment, pure water etc). I actually wanted to go scan that area, but for some reason, everyone stayed away from there. Either way, PK treasure hunt would be so cool.

I'm gonna stop this story for now before i get nightmares. Way too many weird coincidenses.

Update of 13 Nov

Well, i've failed every single OBE now. Seems sleeping a few hours before going to sleep again works.

Been training PK a little, mainly concentration. Staring at candle flame and forgetting all thoughts, burning away all impurities and blockades.

"It doesn't matter what happens outside; What does matter, is what goes on in your mind... the inner-world. The outer world can be changed, once one's inner world is in balance". I've been thinking this sentence for a while now. Seems to make sense.

Last night, i was trying to see in pretty much pitch dark, trying to amplify all light sources. Later got some pretty strong constant tunnel effect. It felt as i was wearing some kind of night vision goggles.

At shop today, i was thinking of attempting to somehow influence the lottery chance. It was only a brief thought, tried and then came my turn to pay. "One Euro Jackpot, please", i said. The machine malfunctioned, saying there is no paper left. I didn't move since they called someone to fix it. It was my mom's friend, whom they called. She opened it and there still was paper in it. Closed it, worked again.

There's something i never quite understood. Everyone speaks of this "unconditional love", nearly as if it were a new religion. Truth be told, i find it stupid. Here's my understanding of it: You love everyone. I think the "love" part is wrong. I do not love a random person. Sure, i do kind deeds to them, but it's just.... no. Love in my dictionary is something different. It's something only for VERY close people. I mean  for lover, mainly.
I simply cannot go with this new generation hippy crap. Just because there's light in the dark, doesn't mean that's your only opinion, right? It's just like moth is attracted to the fire in the dark. Why not BE the balance of both of them?
___

Dream log: Using PK with touch screen

This is was just a scene from my dream. We were somewhere in a forest, standing near a picnic table. It was night time, yet the area was rather well lit. Soon one of my mom's friends starts talking. "You know, the Windows ** you installed is so slow and it keeps crashing, not to even talk of the bugs", he boasts "It's a complete piece of junk! Where did you even get it?". I immidiately raise my middle finger and say "Just go and fuck yourself, K?" I walk away frustrated. (I hate egoisting people. They act if they know everything, but can't do anything)
Sitting on the grass, thinking to myself:"...It was still in beta, anyways.". Then i look at a huge screen, raise my hand and start browsing it as if i were touching a touch screen. Someone interrupted me, i forgot how i did it. I touched the screen as i normally did, then tried to use PK. I couldn't get any feedback, but i tried to imitate it. It worked (even tho there was quite the while since i got it to work).

OBE: Partial success

Yesterday i went to sleep at 5pm (17:00) and woke up at 8pm (20:00). Didn't do much afterwards til 1am (1:00), attempted OBE.

It didn't kick me out this time. I remember how the images became steady and i could view around. Soon enough, i was doing stuff in these places. The only thing was, that i wasn't fully conscious. I only made the major decisions.
This went on nearly to 4 am (4:00) when i decided, i should sleep, and even then, i couldn't sleep. It's like it auto activated and threw me into another place.

Either way, i'm happy. Several successes in one night.

Dream log: The message

I've been meaning to write this one, but always forgot.

I saw this 2 night ago.
The dream takes in a place quite unknown to me, but i recognized it as a school building. I am in a room, where my former classmates and new ones are. I was about to witness something quite disgusting.
The two former classmates were fed up about something. They decided to send a message, a cruesome message. One of them (also a childhood friend to me) took a thin metal string, wound it around his tongue and started to cut it off. Considering everything, i doubt he would do anything like that. I couldn't stand the view. Turned away, where two of the other classmates (new) were trying to distract themslves by teasing and seducing me. I stood silent, waiting it to be over. Once it was over, the other former classmate took a blender, started it up and reached his tongue to it. For some reason, i was capable of watching it.

After all of it, i asked him why he did it. I can't remember an exact reply, but he said something about how the school is deceiving us. I wanted to say:"Wouldn't it be easier to get a dead pig's tongue?". I got no response.

It was an odd dream. That's all i can say.


Also, i remember funny reaction from myself last night. I was attempting OBE, but managed to fall into some sort of state where i wasn't asleep, not fully conscious, but remember things. Woke up from it, the first thing i said:"Damn... this is really tiring, you know?" (referring to the state). I understood that i need to become even more aware. The state was correct, i just couldn't stay awake.
Also, my body hurt (as in numb pain) from SP. It hasn't done that in a while.

F' you geisting!

My mom wanted the Estonian version of "The Croods" on DVD. While burning one... 2%... 5 min later, still the same spot. Then the DVD writer starts to do weird sounds. I attempt to halt the burning process. Nope. Press eject button. Nope. Ctrl + Shift + ESC, processes, End process: Neroexpress.exe. Nero closes, yet doesn't give me the DVD. Went to my computer to see if i there's an eject opinion (i believe there used to be... somewhere). Couldn't find, close my computer... not responding. Explorer crashes. Force reboot.

Try putting the movie on external HDD. Oh, hey, a corrupt file. Let's do a disk check, nothing harmful in that, right? Cancel disk check in half way since it took too much time. HDD is not being recognized. Unplug and plug in several times, each with different result. Manages to lose internal hdd drive D icon and connection icon (connected, but icon says 'not'). Won't pay much attention to it. Do a restart. Plug in the HDD, works.

Copied the movie over to external HDD. Wanted to check so i could play from android tablet with HDMI to TV. MXPlayer didn't know how to play that file (.mp4, not sure in what codec encoded, worked in PC though). That's where i was like "fuck it" and came to write this.

Apart from that, yesterday i had pretty good control over fire.

Today, i attempted to push over a pencil at school. It didn't fall, but created a lot of distortions. It felt as it was bending rather than moving. Lights have been flickering as well.

Had a plant moved to my room yesterday. Mom said that it was dying for no reason. I'm going to try healing from time to time. This night i saw that the plant had nearly died. It was brownish, but still was alive.

I found an awesome anime....REAL AWESOME ANIME!

I have no idea for how long i had this anime in my list, but now that i watched first episode, it REALLY got me hooked.

It's called "Shinsekai yori" or "From the new world" in English. The anime talks about Post-PK world.

Long story short: Modern day people learn PK which leads to world war which then leads to annihilation of most of the population. After hundreds of years later, people who survived, have rebuilt a village where they can learn these abilities, but there's a dark secret behind to that.

We refer to it as PK, they refer to it as "force" or "gravity".
I love this anime already because i believe the same thing will occur years from now. There's no way we can all co-exist with one another with such power. There will be a war, most die and we start again.


IF YOU HAVE TIME, PLEASE WATCH NOW:

http://www.gogoanime.com/shinsekai-yori-episode-1

Just 4 minutes into the anime, isn't this what we are doing (except the sealing part)?

I'm on episode 4 and it's made SUCH a build up to the story that it feels like i've been watching for least 20-30 episodes. It gets really awesome.

Dream log: Faint

After some biofield and syncroncity training yesterday (flame), i did white skeletal meditation. Lots of vivid images. When i tried to see em', i got kicked out.
Attempted OBE, turned to side.
In a dream, i am at school, watching my friend play "Dead Island". I said "Stop, there's a guy behind there". He asked "Where?".Suddenly I started to lose consciousness -- my body felt so tired. I wanted to say:"Call help" but i couldn't say a word. "This is how it feels like, huh?", i said in my mind. Vision going darker by the second, i took up my will and fought it. I slowly regained control over my body. Woke up from the dream with thirst. Took a zip of cola that i keep next to my bed (since i wake up often at night). Back to sleep. Wake up again, feeling cold. Managed to fall asleep. After a while, woke up again due to the same problem.
I don't usually get cold. My feet and hands are ice cold all the time, yet it doesn't bother me. Wonder what that was about.

Also, mom asked our family doctor today about my heart. She said that i might have 3-rd heart beat. Can't say if it's true or not. The medicine that i was given, makes me feel ill. "Metaprolool", that's what it consists. Doesn't seem to work not one bit at all.

Just a random update

Lots of deja vu's. Created fields of restoration around schools plants since they are in such bad shape. Tried reviving near-withered plant. Noticed that it barely had any energy left when compared with other nearby plants. Pin-pointed the energy channels and moved my own energy through it and left some there. Found it interesting.

Have been trying to move a ping pong ball (when will comes). So far, no significant movement. I keep losing my will after a couple of minutes.

Crazy heat after PE lesson today (barely did anything). Took the ping pong ball that i carry from my pocket, focused energy there and it got hot. It was still warm after 2 lessons. It's odd how energy does do what i want, yet does not work with TK. No matter what technique.

//

I got a weird ... uhh... obsession? over sharp things. I REALLY like swords, knifes etc. At winters, i used to go out every day, build snowmen and cut em into hundreds of pieces with my homemade sword. I found it fun how things slowed down when i concentrated on them (hightened reflexes). Throw multiple things in air and hit them least twice. Most people consider me to be weird, but to me, it's really fun. To observe, to direct energy and strike with mind, rather than with physical strength. Like cutting thumb length thick ice blocks with a sword that will bend at any wrong move.

That reminds that i used to go out with -15C barefoot on snow and ice, for no apparent reason. You get used to it, if you focus on heat instead of cold.

Dreams and geisting

I was just watching "Night Head Genesis" ... not sure what episode (around 11 or so). It's about people with powers with pretty much the same society like we have right now (even if you prove it, they find excuses). Just after Naoto blows windows, along with the enemies who control other people, out of the building, his brother Naoya senses that the building they were sent to as kids, was on fire. At that point, my touch pad went nuts again. It froze and had noise as sound. Force a restart and hope everything's OK. It was.

Lately, i've been getting the feeling as i could learn whatever i want, meanwhile a week ago or so, my mind really rejected that thought. The pains have as well gone down (though i still experience them at cold mornings... not sure why. Somehow linked to it)

Standing in the line at school cafeteria, i was waiting to get my food. There were cups. I was really sure i could move them, and probably could have if i had concentrated for long enough. The PK timings are real bad.


Dreams have been bit weird. Can't exactly remember all of them. Gonna have to start improving my awareness again.
From one dream, i remember digging up the sand-pit (that our neighbors use), finding lots of ancient things. I remember finding some plastic bags (mainly chips), that were from around 1960. I said:"Oh, those are mine. I used to eat them.". Somehow it made sense to me, even knowing, i hadn't been born before 1995.
Dream follows onto a basement where i remember sensing people, but not seeing them. I think it was some sort of a bunker. It was dark but i saw boxes of stuff. From there on, onto another dream, where i remember seeing, or rather should i say, being in some kind of a facility. It was huge, rather well lit. It was some sort of testing facility. I remember seeing pods that looked like straight out of a movie. There was something to do with a small girl too. I'm not sure what. From that point, the dream got random. I took up a game menu and pressed "Exit" and the dream ended.


P.S. These error messages about "saving the document" are really annoying. Wonder what's up with that.

Dream logs: Asylum and Can't control my powers

I clearly remember the dream where i was wanted to up to the asylum. The clearest moment is where i ran around a table, away from a doctor. We were laughing, in a very joy-ous (happy) mood. She said: "You must really like being insane" to which i replied:"Then you must really like your job". (She likes "insane" people, i like being "insane". Then again, define insane and it only means thinking differently than others).

Later that night, i remember a dream where i hide underneath my blanket, try to control myself, but can't. Someone was creating things using my abilities, and there was nothing i could do. I tried my best, nothing. The inability to control my powers, lead to great disasters.

---

General log:

Coming home from the shop with my mom, it was quite dark already. I noticed the street lamp right in front of our house was dead again (which i tried to kill months ago, but had no visible success... except slight pulsing). I shouted it out. She then told me it went off months ago. I let out a quiet laugh. She asked why i laughed. I explained that the more you train with similar objects, the easier it is to create a connection to objects. Once made, it becomes part of you and has effects to it even if not consciously trying to do it. Then she said this:" Then if you are so powerful, heal my pains". I said:"I'm not powerful at all, in fact. It's just a matter of concentration. Either way, i don't want to... yet. I haven't tried healing other people, nor can detect the origin of the pain".

Another weird thing was that i saw "duplicates" today, at school. It was math lesson, saw some of my classmates sitting outside. Went inside, they were there. I could still hear the voices come from outside though.
Oh, and at the first lesson today, entering the school, i came across a person who seemingly was identical to certain someone whom i speak through facebook, from England. I held the door open and both of us were like telepathically speaking:"No, go ahead, i got time." "No, no. I'm good too." That went on for at least 4-5 seconds until i gave her the gesture of "go ahead". It's either that the ethics (i don't follow them) have fallen to the floor or she was just scared of me lol. Either way, it was awkward just standing there, neither of us budging to move. :P

Conquer fears, get more of them.

It's the second day I've experienced some nightmares with purpose.
Yesterday, i remember "hugging" the ground out of fear. The damn stairs to second floor still are the scariest things to me. I somewhat wanted to conquer fears, so what the hell (even tho I've at most got to sleep for 4 hours, that is today and yesterday).
Today, i remember walking blindly in the dark, trying to get home on purely on instinct. I did succeed, yet again. Those. Damn. Stairs.

Also, after waking tons of times from nightmares, i remember seeing a certain pattern on vision. It was something like "S" and eye like. Also, a pattern consisting in 2 equal stripes and alternating in 1.

Have been making myself a joke because i keep reading things wrong. Things change right before my eyes. In Estonian class, i was asked to put commas in correct places. I managed to mistake "America" for "Africa". Numbers also have changed. 4 -> 3,  7. 3 -> 9, 2. and so on. I can easily read things from far away. Guess someone's messin' with me.

Also, today, things have managed to disappear and re-appear without me finding it. I usually carry ear puds (headphones), in my pocket. Wanted to listen to music while doing a test on Java scripting. One of the puds was gone. Turned the pocket inside out, nothing. At home, checked it again, nothing. Now checked AGAIN, and there it was. I clearly couldn't miss it twice (i checked thoroughly!), without it falling out, so how the hell?

Weird dreams, once again.

Today's dreams i had were completely negative. They were somewhat answers to my problems. I cannot quite remember them. It needs some sort of trigger. Either way, what seems weird to me now, is why i didn't quit them. I just went through with them like nothing.

Other than that, there have been some weird phenomena going on, that i wanted to write about.

On thursday, 5-th lessons end (business processes), we were supposed to write our opinions on LEAN and Six sigma. I was already finished with it. I noticed how the sun light vibrated (literally). It went lighter and darker rapidly like one of those old CRT TV's. The other's didn't seem to notice even when they looked at it directly. No idea why.

Further into the lesson, i was training auric sight, PK and telepathy. Noticed an entity go to a back room, door slightly moved.

Went to Rakvere yesterday. Some people were hungry so we decided to get something to eat and drink. I decided to take a coffee with a lot of sugar and milk. The coffee was terrible. It was only a small cup but i couldn't drink more than half of it... and even that by forcing myself. Later that backfired. My system was thrown upside down. Heart rate went down to 70 (Instead of rising, mine goes down), hands started freezing (they are ALWAYS cold, but never sense any negative sensation) and got chills all over my body. Also remember feeling really dizzy and nearly fell over in a hallway. Note to self: Never ever drink coffee from a shop again.

Mom went to a doctor, had tons of time.I was outside, practicing different kinds of sight abilities. Auric sight the most. The other's were: space & time distortions, radiation and sound. Oh, and telepathy again. There was a pigeon observing from a rooftop, i attempted to call it down. It flew away instead...

Over-stressed

It has been... 2-3 (?) days since the dream. The pain hasn't gone down, it has only gone up. I've lost nearly all my will and motivation. I don't feel hungry. I don't want to speak to nearly anyone.

In the last days, i've had lots of school work (especially stuff about economics, business etc. We are supposed to read a ton of text, which i can't understand at all, so i don't read it at all and answer with pure logic). Classmates whine about tiny problems. They never know how to do something or solve it. They never think on their own. Facebook, facebook, facebook. That's all they know. Had to do a clean up on a damn old computer, which booted up for over 3 min (probably RAM problem). Launched a portable program from USB for over 2min. I was literally sleeping behind the computer.

In other words, i've been heavily depressed.
Then again, it didn't only come with negative sides. I've lately found the capability to near-instantly "program" a will into myself. For example, saying in my mind "silence" or "shutdown" to kill off everything in my mind. In order to program, the will must be precise. For hypnogogia i use the command *thought* + "initiate", and pretty much instantly, i get OBE vibes and weak hypnogogia.
I visualize the "programming" process as a menu, where i can make anything or anyone do anything. Kinda like floating GUI and selecting by thought alone.

Either way, this has been most what i've been up to.

Heartbroken

It's 9:18. Woke up from a sad dream, heart aches like it usually does but much more intensly.

I'm not sure what exactly happened but here goes:

I remember scenes when we were in a quite small room. Me writing a book, desk lit up by a lamp and the whole room besides me looking gloomy. Behind me to the right was a shelf which had various things on it. Behind me (next to the shelf) was a bed for a single person. On it was sleeping a pretty girl. I was watching both myself and her as a spectator and also, from my desk where i wrote.
Days went by (Deja vu, i have already written this?) and we aged. From children to grown-ups. Each time the same, She woke up, "(Smiles), still writing, heh?", she said. 'Yeah. Wanna do something?",i asked. Each time, a different answer, yet no scene outside the room. Wake up, ask, wake up, ask, wake up, ask. Once when we were grown-ups (about age 24-30), she says this:"Could you please go outside for a moment?". I did. When i returned, she was gone.
I remember going to get the book. Started to cry, because i knew she had never existed in the first place. That book was about us. I hung onto that book for the whole other dreams. I cannot remember what i entitled it. I would treasure it.

Seriously, ouch. That one REALLY hurt. I woke up with tears in my eyes (and currently have some too).

Testing others

I was in the usual deep thoughts mode (what usually has people thinking i'm depressed or angry), zipping some coffee and staring at some random point at the kitchen.
My mom comes and tries to have me talk. At first, i didn't want to talk because i was quite sure that she would not understand the subject. She kept prying and i decided to let her in on a little bit.
I distracted her from what had to do with me. I explained how memories and senses work. I decided to ask her this:"Try imagining a color outside known spectrum." She instantly claimed it impossible. I explained, that what you know as color, doesn't have to be a color. For example, they can be in an another form of visual phenomena (lines, shapes etc.) or senses. She didn't quite understand and said:"How is that a color then?" i didn't reply but i thought "It's just how your mind translates it". I took the most simple example: seeing etheric body and auras.
I told her to look at her hand. She had a tiny bit problem seeing at first, i showed where to look, and said that she saw when she closed one of the eyes. "Yellow, is it?", she claimed. It was orange yellow. I wanted to say:"If you see what's not visible, then why claim possible impossible?". Moment later, we were interrupted by my dad and i want nothing to do with him. Skeptics are annoying... they force on their own beliefs onto someone else (not that all of them are like that).

---

2 (Maybe more?) days ago i created an entity. Gave it a form, teached it various things, linked it to myself (just that it can learn things off of me. Feelings, thoughts etc. Also, for it to get energy out of somewhere.). I didn't take it quite seriously, but for some reason, it still lingers in my mind. I wonder if that means it was a success. It would be awesome to have someone next to me, in a ghostly form (so others see too).
Yup... it would be awesome to have a companion like that.

Physical: It gets even weirder

So today i got the answers for the 24h ECG. What they said is that i get "panic attacks" at certain times (even tho i messed with it, the times were off.).
A little bit earlier, i was really tired and decided to take a nap. Woke up because it was so hot and my heart was racing like hell, feeling bad as hell. For about 30 minutes, i attempted to lower it by will alone. I did succeed, but it raised back up. Later, had to ask some sort of medicine that would slow it down... took some, down, now for about 10 minutes later, it's back up again and i'm feeling sleepy as hell. It's sitting around 100-130. And, it's hot as hell again. It feels as if i'm running right now.

All i can say, is that i'm feeling weird right now. I'm nowhere as conscious as i should be and i lack control over my body.

We'll see if i live til' tomorrow. If yes, then i'll be uploading the ECG report soon.

Dream log: More! More randomness!

Last night, the attempt of OBE didn't succeed. I was still a bit terrified from the last one. It made me wonder, that i might have been a natural OBE-er since child but blocked this ability (since of constant "dark dreams" and inability to understand what's real and what's not.). It made me realize, that i'm regaining this ability, but subconsciously, i've been always suppressing most of it's potential. Enough of this. Onto dreams.

So today i saw a dream about... i'm not sure either what, my self.
The part i remember, is where i was visited by people from England (i doubt they'll read this blog, but they would know who). It striked me weird because no one EVER visits me (I don't want people to visit me anyways, they never speak or do anything interesting.). The rooms looked different... bigger. Much more relaxing. It was evening again. They had something to do so i went to buy groceries. The moment i stepped out of the door, i was in an environment, which looked really alike to a village of china or japan. There weren't a lot of people. This area was totally new to me too, yet i knew it somehow.

Later, somehow, i get signed up in some sort of guitar-monster-battle game where you have to play song as accurately as possible to kill the monsters. Got to say, i enjoyed it. I got over 3000 currency (not sure what it was, i gave a person a circular metal coin, that had imprinted on it "500" [and one 400]. Yen's perhaps?).
After that, i was walking somewhere in the back alley... not sure what i was doing there. Soon i was back home and the people from England had returned as well. In front of the house, they said "The roller coaster was fun!" ... As far as i know, there aren't any roller coasters nearby anywhere.

These dreams may be random, but they are relaxing. After all, i would and wouldn't want to experience more of the "dark dreams".

There's one more reason why i write these. I've noticed that all these dreams are random fractures of points of my life. Who knows, maybe someday these may serve a purpose.

Night of terror

Lately i've been a bit ill, but now i'm already nearly OK again.

Went to sleep yesterday at about 7pm (19:00), woke up several times. Went to bathroom, back to bed. Decided it would be a great idea to try OBE. Never been so wrong in my life before.
Laid there for a while and thought:"Damn, it's not working at all today. I should try to sleep now." Turned to the side and a moment later, i wake up staring at the ceiling, wondering, that how long i had been staring at it for now. Soon i started thinking:"The room looks really dark..." I start to slightly panic because i couldn't sense if it was a dream or reality. I started hearing a lot of noise and were panicking a lot. I was terrified. Then i remembered something that my old classmates you to sing, which is totally stupid. Ever seen Teletubbies? That intro song. "Tinky-winky... Tipsy... Lala... end üles poos (hanged himself)" When i thought the last part, I felt as i were going mad. The noise grew louder as ever. I looked away from the ceiling, afraid that i might actually see the  figure. Then i suddenly started repeating:"There is nothing to be afraid... there is NOTHING to be afraid.... " Soon the noise and voices went away. I realize once again... i'm staring at the ceiling... again. I really wanted to pull the blanket over my head but said this instead:".... and I thought i knew how to control my thoughts... (In so much fear that i started to laugh)".

(Takes a deep breath)... This has been the first time in a long while since I've been this scared. Still, they aren't as powerful as "dark dreams".  But what's worse, is that i still don't know if it was a dream or reality. Sometimes.... it really does seem as there's no difference between a dream or reality.

///

(There was a part where i started imagining the hanged figure, it was starting to come true. I tried to shoot it with energy, but nothing came out, nothing worked. It just didn't do what i wanted.
Also, I couldn't cancel out the what i believed to be a dream. Was it actually a reality?)

///

"Oh great.... it's morning already."

Last night i was watching SquareEater for a while. Also, stared at colored screens.
Spent the whole night thinking in half-sleep... can't remember what i thought about... -_-

The next thing i remember is saying:"(Disappointed) Oh great.... it's morning already.". It was somewhat amusing too. Majority of me was all like:"Goddamnit..." and the minority:"That was cool. Now if i could only stay conscious with time flying by."

I'm going to try train auric vision and watch SquareEater again today.

Dream log: "Make it so, that the rules don't apply"

Today in the dream, i was both spectator and a person.
The point i remember from is where i am at an old, broken apart wooden house. There's a really old PC there and i found an HDD. Decided to put it in the bag, maybe could see what's on it later.

(Dream jump into semi-lucid dream where i was at home).
Me: (walks to the living room where mom watches tv and dad is in computer). @mom "hey, i think i know how we can get our dog back (apparently, our dog died. And in reality, he's been dead for a while)"."If it's dead here, there's a chance we could access a similar parallel dimension, where he might still be alive". (Yada-yada-yada, i went on for a while. No answer).
Dad:"You hungry or something?" (Offers a handful of flash drives)
Me:" (Rejects) No thanks." (Dad offers some metal bars)
Dad:"What's wrong with you?"
Me:"...What i want cannot be given... (I say this actually quite often, and i mean it)."

(Dream jumps back to the previous one, i'm a spectator this time, following a guy).
This person works hard to get revenge on a person with powers. Each time he fails.
At a point, he and the guy who wants to get revenge are on top of a tree. The person was standing on a ridiculously tiny branch (about the size of your thumb). Then says with a huge smile on his face:" Make it so, that the rules of the universe don't apply to you", and jumps off least the hight of a 4 houses tree, lands and a moment after, he disappeared.

And that's where the dream cuts off.

I'm too tired to repair the grammar mistakes i made. Either way, that guy had me thinking over this sentence for over half the day.

Geisting various electronics

Today, after school at our old classroom with my handicapped friend once again. The computers were on, but on stand-by. A while later, we start to notice that the computers start waking up from that state.

First computer, Me:  "Did you touch that computer?"
Him:  "Err, no, i don't think so."
A while later, 2 computers were on (they were behind us).
Me:  "(Jokingly), I~ think you might have company here".
Him:  "Well, guess i can't go to *certain* sites then".
Even later, i noticed how one of them turned on, on it's own. It was in the back of the class. The ones that were turned on, were now on stand-by again.
Me:  "Hey, did you see that?"
Him:  "See what?"
Me:  "That computer turned on on it's own."
Him:  "Maybe it had some sort of macro?"
Me:  "They don't use these things here. I doubt they even know what it means."
---

Earlier, trying to start one of the computers:
Me:  "The hell. It's not booting up."
Him:  "What? Windows 7?"
Me:  "Yeah, but Ubuntu 12.04 works great, yet it didn't on the one you are at. Neither did my USB".
Him:  "That's weird. And if they find out about it, we are gonna be the ones to blame."
Me:  "This really sucks. Guess we are gonna have to act through it. I'll bring windows repair disk tomorrow, see if i can get it to work."

---

Yesterday evening, trying to make noodles:
*Checks if there's enough water in heater* *Thinks:"Yup", turns it on*. A second later the heater turns off. *Thinks:"That was fast"*. *Checks to see if it really did come to boil*. The water was freaking gone. Maybe it wasn't there in the first place.

---

Today: *Doing audio editing* *Save as* -> *done*, *Listens to it, hears choppy parts... Delete.* "God-damnit. I already closed Audition... So, what are you gonna throw at me more today?" *Annoyed*


---

Also, concentrating on listening to silence, you can  hear voices. Can't make out what is being said though. There's music sometimes. There are no next door neighbours. There were no people at the bus station.

U...ru... SAI!! (Shut up!)

I find chatting very annoying. People talk and laugh at the middle of the class when I'm trying to concentrate. At one point i was so angry, that i had one thought in my mind. "Die" (as in a command to other). Non-stop laughter for 45min and teacher does nothing. I was in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

Dropping an handicapped friend off by the local library. Walking down the street in bad mood. Noticed that dogs nearby houses were acting weird.  They turned around and started barking at me (there's a house that owns 2 dogs, and about 100m away, there's another house with one small white one). I decided to ignore it but then the white dog reacted in a similar behaviour. I said telepathically "Shut up already!" and the dog did. He just stared me walk away.

I was in rather bad mood to be amazed what i did, but right now, i am. There's one thing that annoys me though. Most of such things happen when I'm in a negative state of mind (probably because then i don't care of the consequences). And then i do these things out of emotions, not from will.

Who am i and why do i exist?

It's impossible to do anything anymore without questioning myself. Everything that i do, i feel as i've already done it. No matter what route i take, i've already taken it. What is my purpose? Everyone else seems to have one, and are fascinated by the world. They find the world fun and nice meanwhile i find it boring and confusing.
It's like i already know everything, while not.

It's so frustrating and painful! Even now i'm questioning why i'm even writing this. This damn heart ache, it's like a curse to bear others pain.

What exactly is my purpose?? I can't seem to find one! Just who exactly am I ???

There still are some nice people on earth + tDCS update

So, after taking EGG off, i asked the doctor where it would be possible to buy electrodes. She asked why i wanted them for to what i simply replied "for brain stimulation". She had a confused look and asked once more, as in not believing my answer (i guess it's just logical. The chance you'd come across someone asking that is less than 1%). She didn't know. "How many do you need?", she asked. I said "only 2", but she gave me 5 instead. If you happen to ever read this, i am really thankful! I'd give all my positive karma just for that. I hope everything will go much better for you from now on.

Thanks to that, i can continue learn and recreate them. Also, continue working on tDCS (i already have made it portable, have quite long wires [had less than 1m at first. Now it's around 3m], added the opinion to regulate voltage and amps (just so much that it would either have a really strong effect [vision going brighter and darker, metal taste, dizziness, heightened awareness etc.] or barely capable of sensing it) and easy change of electrodes (also capability of attaching either cathode or anode to fingers, if in lack of electrodes).

I'm missing one last component. That is an electrolyte. I already figured a way to create one. Aloe vera gel + Salt. I'm still searching for pure aloe vera. For so long, i've been using salt water.

Once complete, i'll do some test runs. Then have a test subject (i already have one). Have to buy a new 9V battery too...

Old dreams and symbols

I've never understood these dreams. They are scary as hell, but serve some sort of meaning.

The dream takes off at night, in my room. I'm hiding under a blanket, sealing every possible opening. Soon i start to hear voices and start to feel multiple pulls (as in people trying to remove the blanket at take me away. I ain't even gonna start referring to other similar posts about getting dragged somewhere (while pretending to be asleep) or falling inside a pitch black dimensions where i hear a deep voiced chants. These dreams have always been somehow connected.
My theory on them is that i'm unable to turn off OBE's (like i am with auric sight) and entities are capable of physically harming me. Then again, they might try to "awake" me (as in spiritually).

Either way, the dream went on. These masses of voices, pulls & pushes faded away. I went to the living room (living room is right next to my bed room) where i find mom sitting on couch. She seemed confused and scared. When i took a closer look, she had symbols written all over her. For some reason, i knew what they meant. What it meant, was "Death". I still remember shivers running through my spine when i realized it. And then we just sat there, in fear and confusion.

This all happened after 1-2 in the morning (since i sorta fell asleep at 6 in the evening, i took it as an OBE attempt). The funny thing is, my mom told me that i had a conversation with her in an angry manner, yet i have no memory of it happening. She said it was around 9 at evening. Hahaha, i wonder whom she spoke to.
(She said that i had said this: *Mom walks in to my room* Me:"What do you want? *Meanwhile eyes were closed* Mom:"Did you set the alarm for tomorrow?" Me:"Yeah, yeah (actually, i did not. I did it after 1 AM).
She asked more questions but the answer was similar. It was nearly as she was talking to my subconscious or something. A program to give answers what i want without waking me. How convenient! Next go to school too. I'll wake up later. xD )
Also, right before OBE attempt, i saw some minor flashes again.

Pain

It's interesting how easily pain can be healed. Last night, when i was about to sleep, i stretched a bit too much and got pain in the left arm. It wasn't constant, but as if pulsing. Took a little time, concentrated on it (broke my concentration twice because the more i focused on it, the stronger the impulses got and some were so intense that managed to move my arm a bit).
Further on, it was rather simple to reduce the pain to non-existent.

Later on, woke up with a stomach ache. Couldn't pinpoint the exact location. Just were repeating to myself "I cannot feel the pain" and soon enough, i realized that i wasn't thinking about it and the pain was gone.

At points, the pain feels odd. Kinda like wanting more of it.

Here it goes again.

Depression, it's knocking again, but this time it brought more side-effects. It's getting more frequent and i have still no idea what causes it.

Years back (about 2-3), at english lesson (at morning), we were supposed to read loudly text. For some reason, i couldn't read the text. Whenever i tried to read , i saw it as blank. I saw no letters, no text. All i saw was white-ness. I managed to somehow sputter out some words by rapidly changing focus. Look away, back, read, look away, back, read. The delay was less than 2 seconds. It creeped me out quite a lot. I went home. Took a nap, and all was OK again. Mom said the cause might have been tiredness, but i highly doubt it. Tiredness causes blurriness, not inability to recognize black.

Also, few days into training auric sight, now everything is freaking glowing... constantly. Especially at night time.

(Sighs), This is so tiring...

Dream log: Oooooo~! It's getting so awesome~!!

This dream consists of series of weird parts. Mainly separated to :"The car", "The temple", "The bear" and "The storm". 4 main parts.
I'm a bit disappointed because i woke up before the true part begun. I was so looking forward to it and i can't remember the last dream i had. Anyways, let's kick it off.

The dream starts in the most bizarre way. Me and mom needed to get something from dad's car. The moment we get in, the doors shut and the car starts on it's on and starts to drive. I have no control over it. So i just pretend to be steering it (i got no driver's licence nor know how to).
The next moment we are at my dad's grandma's place. The house is still there but in a bit worse condition (since she is dead, we left it unattended. It was in a bad condition either way, but something always sparked my curiosity at it). I'm not sure what happened, but later i remember the house being torn apart. Some sort of construction. I went to take a closer look at the forests. I called my dog (who is also dead) to accompany me. After a while, we come across a weird structure. The closest would be something like this (but it's not it):

While standing and staring at it, (i'm not sure but) about 4 people with cameras and full archaeologist equipment come and greet me. The first thing they say is that i should come with them. Nearly as they were expecting me to be here. Then appears my mom who says we need to go, that dad wants lunch. I strongly disagreed since i really, really wanted to see what's in there. After a while of argument, we decided to stay for a little longer. We took a quick look in there. Most of it was totally dark. The next thing i know is that i'm in another room, someone talking to my mind something about demons or being one. I cannot remember what happened later on.
The very next thing i remember, is seeing a bear ride a sledge behind a car to get to some destination. It was rather smart one. In the end, he got stuck in the snow so i helped it get it's sledge. It took it and walked away. The surrounding was icy and cold. I remember seeing some fishermen. I talked to one of them that don't they get cold. He said it was a bit chilly but the weather will soon change. He was correct. It changed to something much more.... destructive. People stare at the clouds with a scared face, nearly as if they've seen a world's end. Soon we see a tornado form. A former classmate shouts "Get inside, the pressure change is gonna create an anti-gravity field!", i was like... "What? (Thinks: That doesn't seem to work like that.)". Either way, i ran inside. Not long later, it was followed by a hell of a shock wave which shattered all nearby windows. For a few moments we even levitated in air and then it returned to normal. All of us ran further into the building (i think that's even worse idea. Why not basement or something like that?), and were separated into rooms. I went to number 1 where i met some people. A girl and a woman. The woman seemed to know me, but i didn't know her. Same with the girl. After a while, i notice the backdoor... it's open. I told that i was going outside, so if something happens, don't close it. To amazement, i met lots of other people doing the same. We were all curious what's going on. We walk to a plain land where we could see the clouds. The moment when i'm about to see them, dream cuts off. Time: 10:21. Damn it. Too early. Trying to force myself back to sleep.

---

The next section is the next dream but it doesn't make much sense.

There were points where i would fight some guy. I would draw things in air that would stop him momentarily. Later i draw a seal his hat which stops his angry behavior. Then i remember some people getting kidnapped and as usual, it's up to me again. This time, i decide to play guitar instead lol. To hell with saving people, i want some time for myself too. xD

(I later decide to do it anyway.)

--

The bad thing is that i have to leave nearly most details out since otherwise it would go on forever.

General: What irritates me

What really irritates me is that people don't consider multiple possibilities. No matter if it's atheist, a conspiracy theorist, a religionist or what not. Once they think one way, they never consider the other.
(You read bedtime story. You believe it to be made up, but what if it has actually happened in another reality?)

I don't want to bring up examples, but since (nearly) nobody really reads this blog, i will.
For example, Michael, who keeps posting all kinds of conspiracy stuff on his facebook. He makes EVERYTHING sound so bad and dangerous. He's exactly like my freaking family doctor. "Oh don't eat this, take this plant instead --Wait! Don't drink that, that's bad for you! You shouldn't do that, it's wrong.". Seriously people. Nature (that means including humans), has the capability of adapting to different kinds of environment. We don't die from just some small change. So would you kindly stop creating pointless stress? (I've been drinking coca-cola which is claimed to be bad for you. I've been drinking it for years and far more than an average person. And I'm still alive, aren't I?)

Then there's scientists. "That's impossible." Then you prove it "it's probably *insert some stupid excuse here*". How hard is it to consider the possibility of impossible phenomena? And even if you are wrong, accept it. This is how we learn.

Religion... "The god is always right! Everything that's different is the spawn of satan!". Dear religionists, we have not insulted your ways, but understand, we do not wish believe it either. Those who want, will.

People, please, just for once, try thinking outside your box. Just consider the possibility of everything that you think and believe to be correct, wrong. There are lies out there.
So please, would you for once, set aside your ego and forms of thinking, and try to help each other instead?

Dreams and physical: Idiots... idiots everywhere.

Dream log:

I'm gonna make this short. I was flying around (thoughts: "Seems i have to get better control over flying" It was that i either went too high and when i wanted to go lower, i went too low. But still, levitating in the air... a lot progress to me. Mostly i've just had those super jumps and momentary levitation). After coming down by a garden, i see one guy with bow and arrows, the other guy just standing there, ready to be shot at. The moment he shot, i managed to react fast enough to throw the trajectory of the arrow off. But he didn't stop. It was nearly as he was mindless. When he was about to shoot, i created a force field around the guy.
Later on, he accuses me on not letting me do what i want (and starts shooting at me, none hit). I gave up and went away. Idiocity just can't be cured.

I can't... oh right. I remember the rest of the dreams now.

I had an interesting dream. It was about negativity and positivity. Me and a girl were doing something, when i come across an item with lots of negative energy. I'm not sure what i did but somehow i traversed it into positive entity. It's whole form changed.
Later, the girl who i was with wants to give a try too. Her older sister was into this kind of stuff, but really negative. In fact, so much more negative, that only 1 screw from her place was far superior to any outside item. We do get the screw but before we did he had sort of an argument. She didn't believe it would work. For some reason i mentioned the "Yin&Yang". I'm not quite sure why. After hearing that, she walked away angrily.
Moments later, the younger sister calls a friend over and tries to recreate what i did. The experiment got so dangerous that i was forced to create a force field around it. It did blow up. No one was hurt. The only thing i remember was the answer i gave... "That would mean altering the energy levels at sub-atomic level!" I'm not sure what that means but i remember mentioning something about "low-level energy" and "high-level energy". Hmmmmmm......

Well, apart from that, i was listening to music again. It was fun as always. :)


Physical log: Felt like i got shocked from wall outlet.

Yesterday aro-- I mean today, at about 2:30 (at the morning) i was playing games and suddenly felt as i got shocked from wall outlet to the neck. It was ridiculously powerful and cant tell where it originated. One part reached to the right hemisphere of the brain, the other to my right shoulder. Wouldn't want to experience that again.

Dreams and physical: More dreams and weird experiences

Physical log:

Usually, people who know us we know them don't ring the bell and come in right away. My usual reaction when it does ring, i attempt to change the reality to it non-existent. Yesterday when i did it, i suddenly felt as someone was holding from my neck, pressure builded up and my whole body temperature felt much much higher. It felt as my body was on fire. The sensation lasted about 10-20 seconds. It was a bit frightening.


Dream log:

Had some weird dreams again. Something about cold fusion (i have no knowledge on it or what so ever). Some people were meddling with gas at winter that had something to do with gravity or the magnetic field. No clue.

The second was a class trip to some place. It was icy. Some guy slipped, a girl jumped to save him (even that i was much closer, i just didn't care), showed her thumbs up since she had the face that she made herself look weird. She showed it back and smiled. It was nearly as we were having telepathic conversation.

The third one was somewhat a continuation of the second. Another bus trip. Only thing is that we were handed bombs and if you were to release the button, ti'd explode. It was nothing like that tho. I died only once. Or think i did at least. There was more than 10 sec delay to it.

Fourth dream. Some old house. I believe we were searching for someone. Not sure who.

Fifth was yesterday. Came from Rakvere, saw a huge bowl looking thing near the top of the radio transmitter post. In the bowl there were trees and bushes growing. The only questions i had were "how is it standing there?" and "Who even put it there?".

Here's a quick sketch of what i meant.

Tracing flies and their patterns

Yesterday mom had her friend over and decided to "join" the conversation (which never happened, since the mom's friend is sorta obsessed with the joke of marrying me. [Damn you, past me! You just had to say that i love her. Worst mistake of my life]).
The majority of the time i decided to block myself out. Attempted to remote view which didn't come out as well as i wanted. Then i spotted that the flies strangely repeat certain patterns. At some points, it was nearly as they were drawing numbers and letters (I remember seeing "74462KML8e". The letters "KML" reminded me of the alphabet. And yes, i memorized it.).
Then i started to think about life. They were somehow repeating the number "8" only with corners, which seems to represent a sand clock, or even further -- time.
Then again, you could simply take "8" and turn it sideways and you get infinity and could be rephrased to "Life's just a loop with a twist".
At a point where i was about to stop, i took more time to concentrate on visualizing their flight patterns and for a brief moment, saw a 6-pointed star... hexagram or as some know "merkabah".

Then again, there were those weird moments when i visually saw the fly separate into 2 paths. It totally threw off my tracing.


---

Also, the moon was rather bright and yellow yesterday. It was nice, but i didn't like it for some reason. I think white is better.
It had me thinking at some point, the name "sun of the night".

Dream log: Using PK to ignite a light bulb

It was an interesting dream. It was night and i used PK on a light bulb (that had a mirror behind it to reflect it to certain direction) and i was searching for something. Strangely, it was rather simple to do it (considering it was one of those "half-reality" mix dreams). It was fun to change it to brighter and dimmer.

I tried to repeat the experience in reality (with a fluorescent light bulb), which failed. The same result again. I feel electricity in my hand, but it doesn't seem to interact with other things. Might be a connection problem.

(Then again it might be just a fake experience. It's fairly easy to recreate the feeling. Just takes a couple of seconds).

OBE: Making progress again

The last few weeks (maybe a month), I've been attempting to feel the environment and to transfer consciousness to somewhere. It has all failed.

Last night, i went back to square one. Relax, slow breathing, shut off all other thoughts (... i slapped them across the face, which somehow actually worked...). When i reached emptiness of thoughts, i relaxed even further until hypnogogia started to develop. The problem that i had was, that i moved my awareness too rapidly, that it canceled it. I could faintly see my room (it was pitch black). When i slowly transferred my awareness to it, it slowly materialized. But then i started to look around and each time i looked, it faded away. Darn.

Well, the second body theory does not work for me. For me, hypnogogia is the fastest way. I haven't had OBE vibes at all lately either.

Side note: I've had quite a lot of physical contact with entities lately. Mainly just touch experiences. Guess we aren't so different after all (refers to me slapping my dads head in a dream OBE). :D

Dream log: Mind music is awesome!

I'm not entirely sure if the music was from TV or something. It was kinda "opera"-ish (probably mom or someone watching music channels again). In my dream i altered it into awesome song. It was so awesome that it nearly awakened me (as in OBE, and it did generate OBE vibes).
Man, i wish i would've memorized how it sounded. All i remember is the metal part (what i created).

If i could recreate it in conscious state of mind, i would listen to every song and alter it in my mind. :D

(Me <-- Metal and Rock fan.)

(I've been capable of speaking in my mind, as in hearing it clearly in my mind, and a few times created music, but i can't remember any >.<  -- These were in OBE/Meditative state too.)

Dream log: Finally, something interesting!

First off, what do you call a dream within a dream that has developed into OBE? I don't know either.

The first dreams i had were dream OBE's. 2 of them. A weird thing i noticed was that when i approached my dream physical body, i started to lose consciousness. Backed up, all ok again. I was playing around by trying to push my dad's head. Then slap it lol (i'm totally gonna be one of those bad entities one day xD). He didn't feel anything, yet i could clearly feel him instead. Kinda strange.

The second one i remember is being outside. Not sure what i was doing.


Then came to the play the real dreams.
I didn't really understand the first one i had. It was about some corporation building a safe house (War perhaps?). I was with someone... a girl. The corporation secretly was collecting psionists (they called it something else). They had them fight with each other in that same building. I was there as a spy. When the girl i met had to fight (she used aerokinesis, the other pyro), i sorta lost control and yelled "I know you can win! Do your best!" (for some reason, i was already in love with her.......... awkward). Well, everything went fine. I can't remember further on.

The second dream was just about school. It's non-important.


Within dream OBE... Unlike reality, you explore dreams in higher state of mind. Hmm.. If it starts to happen more casually, i'll just refer to it as WDOBE.

Side note: I felt everything realistically, but i knew i couldn't go any higher because i would've woken up. It was still an incomplete version of it. I still felt a bit dreamy.

Also, that darn bus driver took 20 euros for driving me home....... Who said you can't read at dreams? That's total baloney. You can if you want to.

(The bus driver didn't have enough change for me, so i said "I'll give you 10 Euro's, so you will give me back 7 and you get 3". *accidentally gives 20*, He puts 10 to the bus and holds onto the other 10, late puts into his jacket pocket.... darn douche. But who cares, it was a dream lol.)

Some weird stuff

A few nights ago, the clouds were really low and moving fast. I was having fun making them disappear. While later i noticed a person running past on the reflection of the window.

Attempted creating light orb constructs that feed on surrounding energy and stick to near me. Created one earlier, a similar construct to constantly heal mom and numb-en her pains.

Attempted to create lightning... failed, yet i get the feeling as electricity runs through my hands.

Attempted "bridging" touch and sight. When object is touched, it sends out a pulse into the object and is visualized. Didn't go as well as i wanted.

I'm still attempting to gain control over sight. Mainly controlling brightness. I can change it only a little. But when i start to do PK, everything instantly gets much brighter.

Haven't done any TK.

Last evening was interesting geisting. I got nervous for no reason and when mom switched the lights on, one of them was fluctuating like hell.

Entities still come and go. I've come to accept them. Instead of hiding under a blanket like earlier years, i wave at them casually now. There's points of time where i notice some of them watching me play games.
That reminds me, someone touched my shoulder as if it was a physical being. Tried scanning the room, didn't notice anything. There was only a faint spot that felt weird, and it was next to me.