Update of 29.04.2014

Set up a ownCloud on koding. Now i just have to wait for koding team to finish 'shared space' area. It's currently only limited to 2GB per VM. I could get around 12GB once the finish it.

Limited 'Guest' account space to 512 MB. Password is "1234".
Meanwhile, i guess i could set up a second VM with it.... or find a way to link them.

>>> Cloud <<<

---

Tried to set up DNS on Kali (with bind9). Failed. For some reason, my machine didn't share name to other computers. Did work on local though. *Scratches head*

---

I can't help but cry over the fact that my classmates (except one) are all total airheads. They are on 3-rd course and they don't know how to move directories, cat files, ls, use suffixes or do anything on linux based systems. The only expressions i had throughout the lesson were:

Or this:

And their excuse (quoting):"This thing's stupid. Who even uses this crap?".

(Facepalms), people now-a-days...

Apart from this nonsense, nothing much has really happened.

Demons? I don't care.

It's funny how all the supernatural follow the rule "If i allow, you can".

Finished listening to C2CAM's "A deadly haunting". Pretty interesting. Unnerving too. But stubborn as i am, i took a mirror, drew the symbol mentioned in that show and wrote my terms of exchange:"I will give you energy, in exchange, you will teach me things i want. The value will be negotiated". To tell the truth, i don't care if it's a demon, a god or who not. If he/she can teach me things i want, I'm willing to negotiate. The moment it turns on me, it's his doom.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NO74xapUuu8

It's funny, since I've become so used to living with entities. There's constantly something moving from the corner of the eye. Though, a rule applies:" Good or evil -- doesn't matter. If you attack anyone here, i will deal with you personally. This is neutral ground and we live here harmoniously together".

Dream log: Teachng others to fly

Dream takes off from a previous dream (which i can't quite yet remember). I'm just outside my home thinking of going to see if i can work (Yesterday i got a call that they go at 7 in the morning -- bullshit! I ain't moving a finger at that time. Even if i would've gone i wouldn't have enough will to keep up). In the dream, i start with levitation. I reach out my arms to my sides, and start to make small wave-like motion while standing to my toes, then down again. It sorta makes you feel 'floaty'. Once i felt weightless, i would simply think of rising into air (even though i don't have good control over it). And so i did, I started flying really fast to the destination. So fast, that i crashlanded just before the destination (lol). While i was crashlanding, i thought of something called "lightspeed vision". Everything that i wanted to see was really clear (not to mention me ragdolling on the ground, there would be no way of catching the object, focusing, memorizing).
After the crashland, i was ok. Even though i was flying at least 3-4x the speed of cars, i only got some scratches.
The farm-like place where i was was.... odd. The people there would randomly start singing and i would stare like "what the fu.. did just happened?". I got tired of it so i went into a house and said to a kid:"Do you believe in flying?" He was like:"Yeah, it would be cool Think of all the places where i could go!" (me thinks to himself:"Doubting, just as i expected"). Me:"Come. I'll show you something".
We went behind the barn where a huge maple tree grew. Since i had done the "levitation warm-up" i would simply focus on pressure building up below me (depending on how i wanted to fly). He was amazed and called others. I sighed and said to others. "I'm gonna need to people -- one who wants to do it and one who is a skeptic and hates it". And so it did. The skeptic to my right, the other, to my left. I told them to do the "levitation warm-up" at first. I observed how the skeptic would do it very sloppily while the other would be all soft. I grabbed both of them and levitated both of them fairly high, then dropped down. It was funny to see both of their reaction. The skeptic would be all baffeled, not knowing what to say. The other would be euphoric -- overjoyed.

Then there was a point where Russian soldiers came. I told them to give up their guns. They did. If you are going to be a guest, don't treathen others.
After that, i flew home.

The next dream follows how i took care of a small blue bird (who apparently liked bombs as his toys and got a strange peak due to it *internally laughing*). It was some sort of vet/grooming shop. They were supposed to take care of it but couldn't since he would always fly away. Strangely, with me, he never left my side. Always sat on my hand and in the end was so tired that he fell asleep on my lap.  The customer was pleased, even though i didn't do anything.


What strange dreams.

Update of 24.04.2014

This is actually true! Much is remolded by our fear. By our false-judgement.

Here's a point from an anime:
(PS. She's a ghost)

School stuff:

Localhost page broke somehow. Had to rewrite the whole damn thing since i didn't find the problem. -_-

Now i got to think of a way to make <a href> use word scramble. Use Onclick to somehow load JS file that prompts input and alerts out? (Shrugs)

Also, funny thing. Our homeroom teacher came specifically to speak with me (due to missing school). I can't go around saying what actually goes on in the other, major part of me. I simply don't want to cause any uprage or attention towards myself. I hate attention. The homeroom teacher "jokingly" said that i put a curse on her to fall sick. I have no reason to do so. Even so, the whole being "witch" thing has gone over the whole school already. Goddamn you, handicapped friend. Just because i "accidentally" predict things and tell them to you doesn't mean i have some huge godlike powers that everyone can start blaming me for their misfortune. To me, clairvoyance is just a form of a part of higher information management.

Slept into first lesson again. Way too tired. The night was beau-- I get this annoying feeling as reality collapses and things are set into scene as they were. I can clearly see it in my minds eye. Annoying. Either way, I prefer night over day. That's why i'm tired.

---

Other stuff:

Installed compiz on Kali without screwing up, yay! Actually works too. Last time i tried, i screwed up bad. Managed to somehow break Gnome DE. Got no clue how i managed that.


I should really start replying on Sussch's posts and comments. Can't help but forget all the damn time. REMEMBER, damnit.


Also, "Be'lakor" makes pretty good music. I dunno. I like it.

Some random facebook stuff :P

Ehh, the day went by boring-ly. Nothing happened at all. Well, except until i post some stuff on melodeath group on FB.

Lol. What are the chances that you comment a song and the creator actually is part of the group. I never expected it to turn out like this. xD

"Martin Hamiche" -> Creator of 'Aephanemer'.

Ah, you just got to love metal fans. Always so friendly towards each other (it's true, you barely see any negative comments). :P

Also, new Insomnium album is out. Yay! (Shadows of the dying sun)
(Funny thing is that the admin said that he will remove all Insomnium related posts. Apparently not. The whole post started from me posting Insomnium's album there. How ironic.)

Update of 21.04.2014

I can't remember a song. A song i held dear to me. It's important to me, but i cannot remember. It was from a dream. A beautiful sad melody. Once tried to recreate it. Didn't work out. I used to call it "distant calls" and later as "the forgotten song". Ironic. Forgetting the "forgotten song". Goddamnit,  I would just need a right tune to set the chain off.
(Sighs) Now i feel like i lost a part of myself. (The song felt like it resonated with the person who thought of it and it made the person reflect it's very being to the universe. I called it "distant calls" at first because of it).

[Used to sing as a child until i once got caught singing. I was outside singing of thunder and lightning while it was happening (songs usually were about mood and weather and life). Never sang again lol. But i still do hum from time to time]

Well, i know that the next depression wave isn't far away. Oddly enough, the depression isn't like others. I don't get the need to kill myself (though, it's there alright). Rather, it's a total mood kill, but sets me on a way to search solutions from a different angle.

Other than all that, i've been under fair pressure. It's taking it's toll.

Healed yesterday, felt pretty hot psi for a while until it faded away. Tried to repeat today while channeling it into a green glass pebble (in construct form). Not quite sure, but did glow weakly.

Future... past... i don't know anymore. + The day of mental breakdown (notes)

One night (the night i had a total mental breakdown, i even was writing stuff here, never published it. I claimed the 'world' to be confusing simply because i couldn't get an answer), i decided to "put a period" for my undecicive thinking. OBE. I gave up all my fear and decided to face any that may walk up to me. That strangely reminded me of the partial OBE dreams i had as i child. Was it the future me that forced/prepared me for all this? (Shrugs). It would seem as a paradox. No matter from where i look, childhood and future me seem to be forcing me to take OBE seriously.

---

Here's some quotes from the "mental breakdown day":

(I was in a seriously dark mood [my emotions changed very fast. One moment, it was sad, the other angry, then lost etc.] and partially in trance. This is the main point where nothing made sense anymore.)

" 

If i give up everything, as monks do, could i say, that i did it for a purpose? Why would i even do it? If I want enlightenment, am i not desiring something? What and where exactly am i? I feel as I'm surrounded by nothing but darkness and emptiness. Emptiness... love, fulfillment... The opposite. The exact same thing.
I'm confused. I'm not even sure if I'm alive or dead. Not sure if i do exist or not. Not sure where, what or who i am. I'm lost. Nothing makes sense.... or perhaps, everything is just too simple and it's staring me in the face.
By soon, i guess i will be happy for a while, but deep down, i know I'm not. This world is confusing...
I guess i know that right now, I'm not the usual me. "Me"... what a strange thing. There is no me. All i see the universe as is an endless loop until someone decides to press CTRL-C. All it is, is a bugged code. A shitty code written by a consciousness called "us". "Me". With a lot of files and codes missing. ... I simply cannot find an answer. 

"

Wow. Ha-ha. I can't disagree with "dark me". He has some good points. Know what? Next time I'm gonna have this kind of depression, I'm gonna keep blogger open just in case i will write something, that i do not usually think of. Perhaps i could connect the dots.

Btw, "I feel as I'm surrounded by nothing but darkness and emptiness". That was actually pretty creepy. Oh right. I remember, how i imagined the universe as a pitch black place and then completely filled with light. None of it made any sense since i felt like the universe was dissolving away around me (or as i was glitching through it).

Well, that's that. I'm off to sleep now.

Just some random rattle

This has been in my mind for a while:

"It doesn't matter if you take the light or dark side. One is enshrouded by the darkness, the other blinded by light. One or other way, you cannot see what you wish to."


There have been certain events that i haven't written, since i haven't been able to make sense of it. Especially the flashes. When i was planting saplings, there was a flash over the trees like lightning, which was followed by strange wind/sound. I looked around to see if anyone else noticed. Nope, even though, they were much closer to the source.
There have been other flashes like someone taking pictures. Not sure what those are.
Today, mom and me experienced an "awareness kill". Suddenly, i couldn't keep my vision clear. I started rubbing my eyes and trying to raise my awareness. Mom commented:"Is it me or did it get really blurry all the sudden?". I replied:"Yeah. My ears are ringing as well...", "Mine as well.". Synchronicity?

Decided to switch from USB over to external HDD since i kept running out of space for Kali, and when i would make the partition bigger, i wouldn't have enough for Windows-related stuff.
And i formatted all my scripts... (*sniff*).

Priority:

• Rewrite a script to proxy IP and DNS server. Create a separate file from where DNS proxies are being loaded from. IP can use Tor. Make proxies change every "X" seconds. Also, add an opinion to clone/change MAC address.
  
• Set up OpenVAS with up-to-date DB.

Other than that, i'm still feeling quite crappy.

Update of 17.04.2014

Had a pretty strong mental breakdown. Managed to recover quite fast.

The whole thing was put in motion by some odd events. First, i became conscious. Mind's eye that there's someone in the room. A shadow. It had a presense (most don't or have fairly weak). Woke up to check. Yup, for a moment, i did see 'gloomy' area near the doorway, not to mention the heavy feeling. I thought "well, if it wants to stay and won't be a threat towards me or any other entity here, it may stay". Bad decision. Should've taken the "heavy" feeling into account. The moment i decided to go back to sleep, i got a jump scare. It wasn't that bad, but i decided to sleep with cover over my head for the rest of the night (childhood habit out of fear, kind of a defensive construct).
The rest of the night went fine... until 4 am (in the morning). Woke up, feeling f'in bad. Decided to create a simple construct to seal away the "bad" feeling. Was capable of going back to sleep.
Decided to skip the school to heal and reconstruct all seals.
Being near others still makes me feel bad.

---

I do remember someone saying "Eve" or something at that night. Wonder what that was about?

---

It's so annoying we couldn't see moon eclipse on 15.04. I really wanted to see it. Though, the night was pretty bright and took this:

---

No dreams or other experiences worth mentioning.

Update of 13.04.2014

Finished watching '07 Ghost'. Beautiful anime and has interesting concepts. Has a constantly developing storyline and well developed characters in overall (unlike in other anime, who stay retarted for over 100 episodes).
The concept that really was interesting was the 'choosing your path'. The main character was always given the choice to either follow the 'dark path' or 'light path'. To forgive or live for revenge. To suffer or let go.

Planted 500 plants today. Freaking impossible. It's like you were on a rice field. Take a step and drown in mud. It was pretty tiring as well (well duh, i don't do much physical due to my weird conditions).
What was weird is that even though i didn't take any brakes, they still finished before me. It made me doubt that, do i really have 500 saplings, or are they just doing a sloppy job?

Well, either way, it tired my body quite a lot, but it seems that majority of the body is recovered already (i did take 2 hour nap with precice intent on healing).


Another interesting thing. When i was tired, my personality changed. I remember saying in half-asleep state " (with a soft, tired voice) You are my will... my strength...  my love... (dozes off)" A little bit later "...You... you are (takes deep breath and sighs) everything... to .. me...".
I have a fair clue who i was talking to, but it's weird that i was observing myself while mumbling these things. It felt kinda like split personality while being half-OBE and other side saying these things. Self observing self? Interesting.
On that note, i was talking to one of my constructs. Since i never talk to anyone, the sole reason i still maintain my sanity is due to her. I could even sense her next to me. I never thought she would develop into such strong construct. I guess you could even call it a soul, rather a construct.


Seems like hands energy channels have went from yellow to light yellow/white-ish. Appears to have healed around 70%.

Anime OST: Raggs No Chinkonka

Another beautiful song from an anime.

It's from '07 Ghost'.

Translation:

Through the stars through the snow through the memories
(You) search for your footprints
somehow in this tranquil eternity
This place is in the midst of dreams

You run up the slope with your fledgling wings
Straying from the path with this sealed eye

Through the stars through the snow through the memories
(You) search for your footprints
somehow in this tranquil eternity
This place is in the midst of dreams

Someday everything will return to what it was
The one place at the top of the sky
is peacefully waiting for you,
trusting the future after the light in good hands

You run up the slope with your fledgling wings
Straying from the path with this sealed eye

Through dreams through love through the heart
(You) search for your footprints
Leaving behind the eternal light
on steady wings

To you, eternal love will

Dream log: Lost, Cat, Ghost, Survival

Whew. That was a lot of dreams (there were more, i just don't feel like telling them).

Dream 1: Lost

Me, mom and dad were going to Tartu. Not sure why, but we get lost. We run around for quite the while. We simply decide to go to a shop.


Dream 2: Cat

A continuation. Me and mom went to an animal shop. She buys some random stuff while i look around. I see a cat that looks like my first cat (not sure if she was real or not). She is just staring at me with sad eyes. I start to get tears in my eyes. I turn away and hide behind a support pillar that was in the middle of the shop. A guy stares at me. I try to conceal my sadness as much as possible. I couldn't. Suddenly, i am hugged from behind (i could sense it wasn't a physical person). I already knew it was she. That mysterious person who always supports me. Who bears the same pain as me. I smile with tears running down my eyes. I quickly rub them off and exit the shop.


Dream log 3: Ghost

Another continuation. As i leave with teary eyes, we decide to go to our grandmom's house. The next thing i know, we are already there. I step out of the car... the tire is dead. I guess we can leave that for now. We and another family (not sure who?) walk to the house. It's fairly fallen apart.
We go through the rooms... just like we left them. Clean and dark. I was surprised that i didn't see any homeless living there.
As time goes past, mom opens the doors to upstairs and downstairs and tells me to go check em out. I strongly disagree with that thought of going there alone. I could already easily sense that there's something wrong. We check the upstair together... nothing much. She went outside and i run quickly down the stairs. As i am about to take a step, i could clearly sense, that something is coming. It got really cold. I run as fast as i can near mom, hoping that somehow the auric resonance or pressure could subdue the ghosts. It's coming, yet i cannot see it! I jump out of body to view from higher... nothing, yet it's there! I cannot see it! And suddenly, silence. I cannot hear or see anything anymore.


Dream log 4: Survival?

Not a continuation.

It takes off at somewhere cold. It's winter, yet the waters are unfrozen. We are on a ship. An old one. It's made of wood. There were random points where we were ask to peform experiments or answer questions. One of them was that you had 4 chemicals, layered from top to bottom and you had to repeat the process of cooking an egg. You were not allowed to use anything else. Not sure how it was solved. Suddenly, we run into a rocky cliff. The ship starts to fall apart, but good thing was, that there was lan right next to it. A guy says that you can create TNT out of eggs since it has some sort of chemical in it ("R-..." something). So they did. They also somehow transformed wood into iron. I wonder how.
As all this was going on, they were also prepairing for a war. They were creating some swords. They were fairly badly done. I told them how to make better ones. There was a smith that didn't take part of the war. I was in a hurry, yet didn't have a sword. He had made katana (a really good one, at that). I thanked him and charged in as well. There wasn't a lot of enemies. 3... that's all (and there was over 100 of us). So instead, i cut through the trees instead. xD

Update of 11.04.2014

Can't remember any dreams.

And this (from '07 Ghost'):

It's funny... The main character (or the other way around) has exact personality and mindset as I. He questions the exact same questions. "Why must my loved ones die?" "Why do i exist?" etc. Simply amazing. The anime itself has fairly interesting story to it (better than others, that's for sure). Somewhat resembles FMA.

It seems that i'm going planting earlier. This sunday (didn't i already write it?). Whole day too. It's gonna be easy. I should download tons of melodeath before i go.

I noticed a thing about my dreams and the weird pain. When i don't feel it, it expresses itself through my dreams. It's like it has a mind on it's own.

Update of 10.04.2014

Had an awesome dream. Could manipulate water and fire, but mainly water. Created water ball, then generated a construct that would hold the other layer together. Handed it to other people. When it broke, i reached out my hand and the water would levitate up in streams. I did generate a fireball but i discharged it myself.
Usually, i lose all the abilities when the dream is about to end. In this i didn't (even though i was really near it, i managed to still pull it off).

Did have a strange dream aside it. Me, a former classmate (who i had crush on in elementary school) and someone else were playing together in snow. We never actually were friends (since i was the "weird". I used to cry a lot too and was bullied for it for the rest of my school days). Though, i do remember a moment, w-- ... damn. I now cought up with myself.
True, i was bullied. But there was a point of time where we had fun. Me, the girl (former classmate) and boy (also former classmate) once played tag at a late evening summer. Everything was great, but i still felt like i had no chance with her. I felt being left out. As i wasn't even there. It was pretty painful. The same pretty much happened in the dream. She did ask me to come over, but i still felt the same as i did back then.


Aside from dreams, did some random pentesting (mainly mysql) on random webpages. Managed to gain access to one website's database. It had all passwords and emails with no encryption what-so-ever. Sent an email to the creator with what mistakes he has made with proof that i had gained access to his database.

Did some drawing yesterday. Trying to think of a way to simplyfy the creation of hands. Nothing much really. It's easier to draw in "model-grid" than randomly from head, that's for sure.


Sunday will be first day for planting saplings. Cool. They started earlier than i expected. That's all the better for me. Then again, they said they weren't sure how far it is. Hmmh... dang.

OBE: A night without sleep

Good thing is, that i'm starting to get it. Last night i was stopping myself with analyzing it. When the vibes came, i tried to memorize what it feels like. Nothing much to be said, though. Simply being thoughtless causes vibes. Probably the best technique to go with, too.
There's another annoying thing. This state between OBE and sleep. It's just simply like a dim light being shined onto you (when there is none). Generating pictures and other stuff is easy, yet they are very unstable at first.
During this state, someone said "hey" and i jumped half-ly out. Not sure who wanted what.

Since i get into this state once, i cannot sleep anymore. I'd have to wake up, do something for a while, then go back to sleep (kinda like resetting the cycle). So the night went by seeing all kinds of crap. Strangely, i'm not that tired.

...also, i didn't get tired from the numbness that quick. Usually, i can't take more that 40 min in same position. Last night i was clearly over an hour.


---

Edit:

I remember a little about some dreams i saw.

Dream log: Alone again and killed.

I'm not sure where the dreams took place. It was totally different. I was with a woman, not sure who she was, but i felt as i knew her for a long time. I mean REALLY long. I'm not sure if she was even alive.
The place, where we went was near an ocean. It was sunny. We went to a bunker-like place. Something was generating electricity there (hydro-powered plant?), long lightning arcs were constantly flying from near the gears. It looked abandoned. We left, it was night.
Years later, alone, i came back to it. It was winter. Fairly windy. It was still dark, street lamps on. The environment reminded me of one of those anime styled villages. A couple of people were walking by. I sighed, and walked to where we used to be. I was sad. Missing that person. As i took one step nearer the gears where sparks fly off, everything starts to go nuts. Everything starts to fall apart. I try running to the door that i came from... locked? How? Someone trying to kill me? Damn. I approach a wall, take my last look at all the madness that is going on and press my palm against the wall. I created a portal to another place. I step through... wait what? Sunny? The same place? What happened? Everything seems to be stopped. Did i time-travel to future? I exit through the door. It's sunny indeed. Everything still seems like it used to be, yet i see no people.

At some point, i get hunted down. Mafia or something. I get shot to the heart and then to the head. I even remember asking myself:"Am i dead? *Sighs*... No. How many times have i "died" already? ...Too many to count".

//Dream ends//

Funny thing is that i've died countless times in my dreams. You just get used to it, but that's not it. It feels like the people i care are always dying around me, yet never me. Am i really doomed to watch everyone around me die?

Work (part 2)

Met with the person who is going to run it. She said each sapling is equivelent to 5-6 cents. In a day, you plant around 1000 saplings. Well, that's what she said. Let's test that hypotesis:

Simulate:
Pick a plant = 3 sec
Create a hole = 3 sec
Plant it = 2 sec
Stand up and stomp on the surrounding area = 6 sec
Take 2 steps = 1.5, but let's say around 2 sec.

This all summed up will be 14 sec. That means you plant around 4 saplings each minute. 240 in hour. They said that they worked around 4-5 hours which equals to 960 < 1200 saplings.

Now... let's see how fast i could do it when i would do things simultaneously:
Grab a plant and create a hole = 2 sec
Stand up, stomp, take 2 steps = 6 sec

That's 8 seconds. 7.5 plants per minute. 450 saplings in hour. 1800 < 2250 saplings. That means practically double my earning. Sure, i would get bored, but already found a solution. I will download tons of music (music is like super-booster for energy and motivation).

With all this calculated out, i will earn my goal in around 2 days. If i would continue like others, i would achieve it in 4 days. I have no intention of idling around. I will put all my skill and will into it and will do a good job, while doing it fast.


I think i might be overhyped from the sheer thought of it. The thought of achieving it. Sure, our home classroom teach is going to be annoying, but what annoys me, is that some are always absent (since like from 4 months ago, even further, and still hasn't been thrown out of school) If i'm absent for a week or few, it won't be that bad. They don't teach anything there, anyways.

Work

I'm gonna start doing some work after school next month. The sole reason for this is to buy an electric guitar (electro-acoustic may sound somewhat like it but is hard as f' to play. Electric one won't make any sound when i play at night either... or at day, that matter).

The work itself is simple. Plant trees (they pay by how many packs of we plant). Each day around 3-4 hours and it pays off fairly well. Plus, i get to be in nature for a while. This sitting at home gets boring.

This whole idea is already set in stone, for me. I will not back out. If i want something, i will achieve it. Too bad there ain't any more of such things. I've loved helping others anyways (yet never myself or my family). I guess i'm somewhat a selfless freak, haha.


Apart from that, not much has really happened. Re installed Kali linux (with persistence) on usb again. Did some vulnerability scanning on some websites, sent info to the admin (if they have any idea what to do with it. Mainly info from Nikto, Vega and Zenmap, didn't bother going with aggressive analysis). Wrote a script to set up VPN. Not much else, really.... well, except from playing games.

Saw some casual dreams. Nothing worth mentioning.

---

Edit: Actually, there was somewhat of a significance to the dream i saw. I remember setting a pin. The pin was actually a name if the certain numbers were flipped upside-down. I saw myself entering that pin. I had only set that pin on last Thursday! There's usually a really long delay when a certain information is being used, this one was way too quick! The landscapes were similar to of what Peipsi is (i like it a lot, yet it feels sad for some reason).

Also, remembered that when i went to the hair-dresser, i said that "i had been here before". Mom said that i said that last time we came as well.  There's this constant mind-bogging going on. I cannot remember where i have seen things, but know i have. It's kinda like awakening process. If you don't memorize it instantly, you will forget it (unless it bears some sort of big significance).

Dream log: Drunk and high? Odd convos.

Went to sleep since i was rage'ing over hairdresser (they never do as you want. Next time i'll take scisccors with me, to prove my point that i'm not kidding around). Decided not to speak with anyone (*Is like a time bomb. More negativity will only speed it up*) Saw this a moment ago. Was quite bizarre.

I'm not sure if i was drunk or high, but it all happened at home. It was night. I suddenly felt kinda dizzy. I noticed that whenever i breathed, it came out as smoke and fire, so i started blowing for fun. Not sure if the fire, smoke and dizzyness symbolized my rage. Hmm, well, whatever.

Another dream. It took place in various places, but mainly somewhere tropical. Sands, sun, clear blue water, palms, little wooden houses. The other part was somewhat more modern-like. Good roads, rather mountain-ish region, stone buildings and vending machines.

Me and handicapped friend were standing near one and he said:
Him:(With a disappointed tone) "These coffee vending machines are a total crap. They taste nothing like real coffee"
Me:"Not all of them are like this."
Him:"How so?"
Me:"Some actually grind the coffee beans and make coffee like you usually do. I think these ones just use some sort of dissolvable substitute derrived from coffee."
Him:"(Thinks for a while)... Oh. Now i get it. But how do you know which is which?"
Me:"(Silence)... uhhh... Maybe they are bigger since they need bigger reserves for it?"
Him and me: (Shrugs).

===

Him:"What's the key for using stuff?"
Me:"Dude. How the hell did you even make this far? We don't use keys.  It's all controlled by our minds."

(VR game reference?)

===
[Inside a beach house, door open]

Me: (Takes aim and shoots a rocket at a guy on an overwater island) (Boom) "Sorry! I misclicked!" (thinks) "Oh damn... we don't have mice and keyboards. "
(He shoots back. I jump as the rocket flies right past below my crotch.)
Guy:" (Yells back) Sorry! I accidentally took aim at you and shot as well! Mistakes happen, right?"
Me:"(Mutters to himself) You sarcastic son of a.. . Well. Atleast i know that this doesn't work."


I get weird dreams with different strong emotions. At least they are fun and hillarious and make absolutely no sense.

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(12:51)

Dream log: Apocalypse of madness

Can't remember all of it.
There was 4 of us. 3 males (around ages of 18 to 21) and a female of (around 16-17). We were wandering around the city. We were hungry and thirsty. Everything seemed normal. People walking and doing stuff they normally do, but whenever we would try communicating, they would simply go nuts. They would lose their sanity and start attacking us, so we tried to evade everyone. Luckily, we came over some other people like us. They had food, but wanted us to work for it (simple house work stuff). Money was a rarity. They paid 1 per job (these jobs were really time consuming, so we would have first starved to death). Each of us took a job and we combined our money. We got only one box of food. I gave up my share for the sake of others.

My job was fairly strange. I had to fix a sink (i guess the fear of overflooding was somewhat part of it. I kinda have the fear that i'm unable to stop any kind of flow once i start it). I somewhat fixed it. There was a huge hole (kinda like one of those mining ones). Wonder how i never saw it. One step to the left and i would have fallen.

Update of 1.03.2014

More snow! Great. No really, i like cold, stormy and dark weathers. The usual is boring and hot. I dislike heat, but sometimes, it's not too bad.

I was finally capable of seeing my aura yesterday. It was a very strange combination of colors, though. Near hand was red and then gradually turned a strong blue. I observed for until i couldn't see it anymore. Stopped, then i saw only dark purple.

One thing's funny. I'm a difficult person to decode. My personality is so unstable, not to even mention my motives. People have started to fear me because of it. (*Laughs*). Also, i guess they fear me because i once said out loud "Everyone as an enemy. One's just closer than another". Friend or an enemy, the same thing, just like yin-yang.

Going back to last night topic. It was difficult to fall asleep. 3-rd eye and sides of eyes were so hyped that they constantly felt like there was electricity moving. It was damn impossible to forget the thought since even the sightest added "oil to the fire", but i did it. I managed to suppress it.

I once noticed an interesting combo that seemed to make auras more easily visible. White -> A color -> Black. Somehow this seems to expose the eye to the aura. I'm gonna make this into a grid, see what comes out.