Just leaving this here

This anime touches some pretty interesting points (suggestions, memories, OBE, fears etc):

http://kissanime.to/Anime/Ghost-Hound/Episode-001

Update of 9.09.2015

Well-p. It's been over a month since I posted anything here. I've mainly been doing streams and random art, so yeah.

A lot of post-dreams have become more of a state of awareness to what I could actually do. And I'm kinda remembering how things are constructed. ... that is meanwhile cursing later why things don't fucking work. :P
But considering how fast my style has changed and the amount I learn, is pretty darn big... but personally, I think it's still too little. The constant feeling of "I could do a lot better" persists and often leads to frustration and and sadness.

Reference + Freestyle sketch (8-th September)

Bodies still look heavily awkward and don't have the correct feeling to them.

(7-th September, random Lineart)

Some traditional art (4-th September)

(26 August, got annoyed by the facial expression and perspective, abandoned)

(25-th August, Yuki's Birthday)

(???, inspired by Facebook's pirate language)

Wasting time again (5.08.2015)

This is how I waste time:

While playing GMod Deathrun, this happened. Yuki took a screenshot XD

And while streaming Dark Messiah, there raised a question how big is big (referring to boobs). And Yuki was kinda disappointed with her own, so i drew a picture with her having some. 

(Clearly not one of my best, but it's something)

There are other stuff, but don't feel like wasting time on that. Oh well.

Update of 1.08.2015

I'm slowly gaining control over dreams. Especially using and utilizing abilities. Flying has turned into one of the most used ones. No matter the theme of dream (except terror), I can use it, though not instantly. Takes time to get the feeling.

While talking about dreams, I remember some, that i'd like to note down.

"Click"
In a world quite similar to our own, I met a lady in about 30's. She was able to freely use PK. I asked how she does it and she answered that "you relax and empty your mind, then focus on the object until it 'clicks', then manipulate it". I'm unsure to what she was referring to. Bio-field? State of mind? *shrugs*

Flying-related dreams
Well, for one, I got a good understanding on how my village looks from above. It was awesome :P

And I one dream, i was thirsty, so i tried to get something to drink from one of those dispenser machines. Then a guy comes to shoo me away.

In today's dream, there was some show-type of thingy going on. I was just observing from the back row by levitating. :D

The other thing I've been trying to do is "collide" dream world with reality. Kind of like a state of mind where you exhibit full capabilities of dream world. For example, visualization. The clarity you have in a dream and the ability to instantly create things. It would be extremely useful with art, music etc.
Just yesterday, after waking and going back to sleep, I saw an extremely detailed image of a nekomimi (catgirl). I mean on a level of a professional artist, who has had years of experience with manga. However when I tried to recreate it, I had forgotten most about it.

Update of 11.07.2015

Ugh, finally that stupid day is over.

More tests.

Seems sensors give somewhat false info while heavily on use. Then again, wouldn't surprise me if they actually gave the correct either.

CPU standby (~10% CPU usage) temps: 32-36C
CPU standby with external cooling: 27 - 30C

CPU usage at max: peaked at 50C, dropped to 42C

CPU usage at max with external cooling: Also peaked 50C, but dropped immediately to 35C (later to 30C).

Well, I guess this is as far as you go with DIY cooler. Least it doesn't set your hands on fire anymore :P
(not like you'd get dry ice and alcohol here anyways. Otherwise could use that as some sort of a coolant? Get a square aquarium and submerge the whole damn thing in there xD *shrugs*)


As far as dreams go... they've been fairly boring. Certain things here there, but nothing worth actually writing down.

OBE is a no-no. It just doesn't want to work. -.-

Oh well. Sleepy time now.

Update of 5.07.2015

 Damn hot days, making me do stuff.
(a CPU fan running on 24V to cool my laptop. Nope. Hasn't burned through, but gets hot on a long run.)

I say it outdid itself. There are almost no airholes underneath the laptop. Not bad... not bad at all.

Days have gone the same way really. Nothing else to say.

Update of 4.07.2015

Nothing really has happened. Time really flying by. Kinda annoying, in fact.

Well, around 7 hours went on this:

Kinda fucked it up, but in overall, not too bad, I guess. Oh well.
Though, I did notice something after all that drawing. I could form a connection to solar plexus and hand. It immediately created the sensation of holding a pen and a state where it would be the most accurate. Nearly as in emotions flowed into my hand. Clearly a new sensation.

Dreams have been bizarre, but fun. I saw that I was singing with an old friend at an English class today. Haha, I would never usually do that, but the song was great. 3 minutes of singing. I loved it. xD

And 6 days.......... Oh god. That stupid day again. Everyone should just forget.

Update of 24.06.2015

Wow. Haven't had a lot of opportunities to write a log.

Well. Today, in the dream (I think it was a dream), I went OBE in a dream (soooo I made myself lucid? Hmm, i dunno). Did that 3 times. I might be actually capable of pulling it off in real life now. I still remember how it happened, so that's a good thing.

The "meeting" with the girl went just fine. In fact, too well I think. She keeps wanting to play games now.
Funny thing is, that we have so much in common. Like "wtf" much. Our families, personalities, likes are nearly identical.

So, we played Cry of Fear. She gets scared really easily, but, then there was this... <.<

And Portal 2 Coop

There is a weird thing I have noticed. It's not as if i'm looking with my eyes. It's as if i'm not in my own body anymore. It's as if i'm looking "at my body" rather "from my body". It's weird.

Also, as for delusions, I saw a huge (about the size of a fist) black butterfly flapping next to me. Had to move to the side for a second, since it seemed just weird.

Oh, and I love these. Takes it back to psiwheel days :P
http://9gag.com/gag/axG269L

Update of 18.06.2015

(Takes a deep breath) Helped someone, became friends, then really started to trust each other, both of us are shy and shared how our voices sound like (through a video). Even that made my heart feel like exploding. I can watch someone die right in front of my eyes and that was more nerve-wracking to me. And now she wants to play games with me. I don't know what to do. I haven't spoken to a female since childhood. Good god. Haven't ever felt this nervous before.

I'm developing some weird reaction towards light. The brighter it is, the more hazed my mind gets. It's as if I can't think then. Maybe i'm becoming a vampire. I sleep pretty long too. Well, that's a plus for me.

Nights have gone fairly sleepless. Had some usual random dreams.


Oh boy. This is gonna be awkward.

Final: Leaning girl

I'm done. F*cking done. 2 hours on hair and still can't get it to look like I want. Now i'm questioning how I have managed to do the other ones that well. Maybe the gradient wasn't intense enough? *shrugs*. Well, at least I got this far. Way further than with any other projects. But it took too much time. Need to rethink my approach on certain things.

I'm actually quite satisfied with the final result. The manga face somehow actually worked out in the end. But still. Waaaaay to much colors. Makes my head ache.

EDIT: The blogger viewer sucks. The normal is better. 

Update of 11.06.2015

A lot of delusions last night. I despise those long legged spiders. I know they are harmless, but I really dislike them. I'm unsure, if I actually saw one or not. I mean, I remember staring at it like "You ain't moving anywhere. You are gonna die". It was way over 30 seconds. When I went to get something, it was gone. Like never existed. Sat on the floor for 3 hours, playing guitar (since midnight), in hopes of spotting it. There were many 'jumps'. Like something clearly moved, yet it wasn't there. The time when I went to death (<-- wtf did i just write). *went to sleep, i had been awake for 16 hours. Who knows. Maybe i'm taking small steps towards schizophrenia. Not the first time when i feel being watched by inanimate things or having empathy towards them.

I remember lucid dreams. Something about a museum. Something about some sort of statues somewhere in Estonia. Me and some other people were going to these various rooms that were set up. Each room had different themes. We went to a cat-themed room. When I entered, i thought i had entered the wrong room somehow. Everyone was suited up and somehow really formal. I just stood there and listened to the speech that one gave. It was about pure-blooded cats. He explained how hard their lives are and for some reason, it made me wanna cry. When it was over, I sat down and spoke to a female person (I never initiate a conversation. Even that was weird to myself). Don't know why, but everything she said, made pure-blooded cats look exactly to normal ones. (shrugs). We had one hour left of time. Went to 'ahhaa'-themed room. Eh. It was a disappointment.

I remember places also points of time where I just watched the scenery. It was evening scenery with pink-purple-orange-red sky. 

My mind is quite hazy today. Head aches a bit.

Update of 10.06.2015

Well, I caught up with Noblesse last night. Now I've got nothing more to read, drawing it is.

Almost 9 hours of straight working. Stacking up the firewood. Can't say i'm tired, but the underneaths' of feet used to hurt quite the bit. Mind is hazy (physically below normal, so my mind takes the toll). But it's all OK now. Seems like most of the physical body has healed to it's normal.
The total size was 10 m3. Not sure what you call them in English, but in Estonian, it's called ruumimeetrit.

As for SAI's reverse engineering, I've made some progress, but can't quite still understand the flow of it's mechanism. Should most likely set breakpoints and see if I can follow it somehow.

Logically, don't exactly need the other two except 'Sai_Trial'. If I could send it down the correct path, it should sort itself out. If that doesn't work, probably gonna have to disable it.

I did examine the cracked exe, but it seemed bizarre. It just "push"ed 1 many times. Seemed weird... odd. Cannot understand how that works.

So. Few hours have passed. I took a look and the person who reversed it, had completely removed the code. Does seem to make sense because I tried following it and changing for multiple times, but caused a chain of errors. Should try jumping straight to the endpoint. Whatever route i took, only seemed to mess up the WindowTitle. Not sure if it had any effect on the licence. Probably not.

Eh... reversing is such a bummer.

Painting the 'leaning girl'... (sighs)

I despise my own painting skills. Like I said earlier, I can 'copy' others skills, but I cannot 'create' something new without full understanding. My 'style', is simply a combination of styles i've seen.
This meaning, I cannot fuse manga with what I currently have, especially the face. I've seen others drawings, but I cannot understand how.
(My learning process: External stimuli -> Reverse / break down -> Analyze -> Reconstruct)

And I have a tendency to use too much colors.

So, I gave up on the background.

(Flips table), fuck this. I'm not painting for a while again.

The life of a fucking perfectionist. (sighs)

Line-art: Leaning girl?

This finishes most of the line-art, though I am still unsure what the clothes will look like (which probably means I need to edit it). This is by far one of my most cleanest ones yet.

This alone took me 1.3h to 'finish'. Mainly getting the face proportions to look right (though the nose still annoys me a bit).

Color scheme:

Scarf: Red
Hair: Blond? Remains to be seen
Shirt & pants area: brownish or blueish, giving contrast to upper area.
Background: Something dark or abstract

Also, this is how I do guides for painting, but can't do any painting due to PS being an ass and crashing the graphics driver for who knows why. Probably some crap with Win 8 compatibility. And all that means that I have to restart to get it back working. Can't be bothered. I'd rather see if I can get The Witcher 1 working. Great game, but man, 3'rd is way too high spec'd. :(

Testing out SAI

Much MUCH better for line-art than PS, though lacks in painting capabilities. No worries. It's good that it supports PSD format, which basically allows me to jump back and forth between the two.

Something I did earlier (had to clean up a bit now, so took time :/ ):

It was supposed to be somewhat like "Noblesse"-style, but he's drawing style is quite unique. Eyes developed from rhombus and the drawings he makes are incredibly detailed for a manga, or should I say 'manwha' (korean comic, basically). Mine turned out somehow a mix of Fullmetal Alchemist and his.

So yeah, Sketch (PS) -> Line art (SAI) -> Shading (PS).

And I got to get rid of the stupid habit of using random lines to "generate" a complete imagination of the object. Way too messy and takes too long to clean up.

But without doubt, I'm taking leaps in learning to draw. Might as well keep going until I have the motivation.

Update of 3.06.2015

Was searching for a crack for SAI 1.2.0 for the past 4 hours. No luck. Could take a look with OllyDBG, but at this point, i'm too buzzed to do it.

Aside that, SAI seems like a great tool for line-work. Like seriously, you could get nowhere near that with Photoshop. In fact, I'm considering moving over to SAI, once I get the hang of the workflow.

Had to make a new ... I don't know what you can call it? I guess a "plank" will do. Don't exactly fancy the idea of laptop on lap without any ventilation. Anyways, had to give the damn "plank" a coating, so the laptop won't be running away, which of course rendered most of my day empty. Well, not that empty. I had the time to swear at the clouds for not bringing any thunder lol (even though, the clouds were very low in altitude and blue-ish. There were high altitude clouds as well, earth is fairly warm, so wtf?). Though, seems the coating was too thin and uneven. Probably going to sand it and recoat. More time for nonsensical stuff.

(Most of the time, while staring at the clouds, went something in the melody of Thunderstruck while in mind yelling "Thund'ah!" lol. This is exactly the reason I should, by all means, NOT be bored. :D )


Oh well. Time to hit the hay.

Testing out IOGraph

Wanted to try out IOGraph (software that follows and creates a map of mouse movements). Spent 45 minutes on this (Certainly an overkill):

... and my pattern recognition sees a damn pentagram in there. Though I have heard or seen something about using a pentagram as a human model. (shrugs).

Well. One thing is certain. I need to get a much better at creating straight and curved lines.

Update of 31.05 / Early morning of 1.06

Random burst of drawing hands today. Still can't get em' right. One time they are too wide, then too narrow, then not enough space for palm... grr. Also, the one on the right wasn't even supposed to come out like that, he-heh. I don't know how that even happened. Middle one is missing one finger and left one is just wrong somehow.

Last night, did some random explorin' in the deep web. My kind-of place. So much random information. Should be careful however. I did end up in the dark-net for a while. There's certainly some 'stuff' there. What makes me laugh, is the fact people are completely oblivious towards all of it.
Nonetheless, I have a good sense that there's some sort of information that might prove to be an interesting case for research (zero-point etc, and using "etc" because I have absolutely no idea what else to bring out, probably stuff like ORMUS).


Dreams have been varying from dark to normal. Last last night, i got taunted by my own desires, This time no one allowed me to jump up to the roofs of buildings and down. What a party boofer. I did it anyways lol.

... and we are currently getting hail here.

EDIT (1.06.2015):

So goddamn bored. also, I've suddenly got better at drawing hands. Last time I tried, I could only draw them from side or front, but now, I've forgotten how to draw eyes. (sighs), I should put some time into drawings, since now I can suddenly draw better for no apparent reason. Though the eye perspective is gonna be a b*tch.

Also, I curse my existence for not being capable of drawing. I mean, my father and grandmom were f*cking art geniuses. Grandmom was capable of drawing exact copy of something in one glance. Ehh, too bad I don't have to blood of an artist in my veins, though it does not matter. I can practically replicate others skills. Copy-cat skills FTW (too bad my motivation sits at 0 at all times).

(Screams internally for not being capable of drawing well)

Yeah. Remind me to never get bored. I do absolutely pointless crap.

Early morning update of 28.05.2015

I've spent whole day doing nothing. To tell the truth, I'm not even sure what I have done and what not. I do know, that I have listened to Evergreen Refuge 'Earthborn' and Celephais Tir n'a n'Og both at least three times. Nice relaxing music just for background.
I do remember trying to think of a way to create a GUI for arduino to "inject" commands, but ran into some problems and didn't have enough patience to deal with them. As for something "impossible", I'm unsure what that might be. Nothing seems to strike as impossible. Mind is so empty, yet the uncomfortable sensation in the chest remains.

I did remember more stuff about the dreams I had, but alas', nothing important.

I've had enough for today. I'm going to try OBE for few hours straight. See if anything decides to work today.

Dream log: Dreaming of an OBE

Just thought it would be wise idea to write this down.

In total, I had 3 dreams... or at least that's how much I can remember at the current point of time.

Dream 1: Dreaming of OBE
Quite literal. I went to sleep in my dream, but I didn't realize that I was already in an OBE (it wasn't a full OBE, more like a lucid dream without it actually being a lucid dream). The first thing I encountered was sleep paralysis, which I overcame fast. Then I encountered 2 "evil" spirits/entities, who I commanded to disappear. After getting the hang of how things work, I decided to call them back. Nothing much happened. I simply struck a deal with them. They are able to manifest themselves and use my energy, in return of simply becoming my companion (well, I saw no harm, so why not).
Then the "OBE" stopped and back to normal it was. There was something with the door leading outside and somehow, I was capable of going into OBE without leaving my body (still capable of controlling it). I told them to block the door, just to see how much they can manifest. Well, mom wasn't capable of going outside because she thought the door was "locked".
(Current me: "Hell yeah! Let's build an army of companions! There's nothing we can't achieve!" xD)

Dream 2: Tortured by needles
Not exactly sure what that was, but there was one guy that repeatedly injected long needles through-out my body. Got used to the pain, took em out and put em on him instead. I was under some sort of an antiseptic. Most likely triggered by the smell of my own blood
(I get a lot of scratches from playing with my cat, by rubbing blood between fingers, it has the smell of iron compounds, though yesterday, it was different, as in there was something mixed in with it).

Dream 3: Totally pointless dream
Even in dream, I was bored of it.

Dream 4: Performing a surgery??
A pregnant cow. Not sure why, but I was supposed to cut it's stomach open. Kinda gross. First layer was the one bleeding most, the internal layers didn't at all. (shrugs)... It's an experience.

Not so difficult as I thought (25.05.2015)

A lot of rewriting and just playing around, and by now, I can understand pretty much all of what does what. Though, I did run into some problems with receiving input. Either i'm being dumb again or Qt and arduino don't want to work well together. Not gonna go into details, just gonna say that button didn't behave as should have.

There is still the problem of commands and variables. "const, from/toStdString, static" etc. Can't quite understand, and can't give a damn to go look up right now.


As for dreams and stuff like that, I remember having some, but cannot recall. Most of my dreams are 'dark'. Can't even recall any happy dreams, but soon is probably the usual time where my motivation hits ---infinity and I'll have to rely on loli's again. Has happened twice, All in for number 3.


Lately been feeling empty. Like empty empty. I do stuff because I just do them. Nothing really fascinates me, nothing disgusts me. (shrugs). An empty existence. (sarcastic) How great.
I've given it quite the much thought and I'm fairly sure that I'm one of those people who can't do thing without someone holding my hand and dragging forwards. Someone supportive, call it external motivation, if you will. Otherwise, give it 5 minutes and I'm doing something different. How do you think my coding went? All straight? (Sarcastic laughter). Code, anime, code, manga, code, 9gag, code, blog (post deleted) -- repeat. (sighs)... yeah. A weird existence, that's for sure.

Damn you, C++ and Qt. (23.05.2015)

After sitting and trying to understand Qt, I'm finally starting to understand. 2 days straight with motivation like a roller-coaster. From arduino's coding, it feels like a slap across the face. Things do not function like they should, and I have no idea why. Funny thing is,  that my problems are so obvious, that no one has the same problems (feeling dumb). I mean, finding the correct functions took me a while. I didn't get this working until right now...............

void MainWindow::on_horizontalSlider_valueChanged(int value){ ui->lcdNumber->display(value); }

I'm only starting to understand thanks to the re-defining, referencing and simulating in my mind at night. Now it at least, feels like i'm not staring at a brick wall.

Edit (19:34):
With the use of pretty-much-copying off a video in youtube, I got it to work. Do I understand what most of the code does? Nope.
Well, if to be honest, I can understand glimpses of it. Initialization of serial ports, what controls what etc, but if I were to write this from the top of my head, I'd never make it.

How do I feel after all this? Absolutely not sure how to feel. Error: Brain was not found.

Update of 18.05.2015

Well, started to code the random thingy using OOP. Never been good at that.
From days of messing with AngularJS (MVC framework):

"

Error log:

       [$injector:modulerr] http://errors.angularjs.org/1.2.20/$injector/

       modulerr?p0=routeApp&p1=Error%…dflare.com%2Fajax%2Flibs%2Fangular.js%2F1.2.20%2Fangular.min.js%3A18%3A139

       

       Triple checked. No errors in wrong coding. Angular just being a straight up a B*tch.

"

And now C++...

"

C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\Temp\build1411341365459657781.tmp\random.h:31:42: error: ISO C++ forbids declaration of 'Randomize' with no type [-fpermissive]

 Random::Randomize(int IN_pin, int OUT_pin) {

                                          ^

C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\Temp\build1411341365459657781.tmp\random.h: In member function 'void Random::begin()':

C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\Temp\build1411341365459657781.tmp\random.h:52:23: error: a function-definition is not allowed here before '{' token

   void Random::stop() {

                       ^

main.ino:10:1: error: expected '}' at end of input

expected '}' at end of input

"

... (sighs) ... Let's be honest, I haven't got the single slightest clue what the f*ck i'm doing.

#include "arduino.h"

class Random {
  public:

    Randomize(int IN_pin, int OUT_pin);
    void initPin();
    void begin();
    void stop();
    boolean status();

  private:

    int _IN_pin;
    int _OUT_pin;
    bool _status;
};

/*    METHODS     */



Random::Randomize(int IN_pin, int OUT_pin) {
  _IN_pin = IN_pin;
  _OUT_pin = OUT_pin;
}

void Random::initPin() {
  pinMode(_IN_pin, INPUT);
  pinMode(_OUT_pin, OUTPUT);
}

void Random::begin() {
  unsigned long int sample = analogRead(_IN_pin);
  if (sample > 10 && sample < 1023) {
    int brightness = sample - random(1, sample);
    analogWrite(_OUT_pin, brightness);
  }
  else {
    sample = sample * 2;
    int brightness = sample - random(1, sample);
    analogWrite(_OUT_pin, brightness);
  }
  void Random::stop() {
    if (_status == true) {
      Serial.end();
      _status = 0;
    }
  }

  void Random::status() {
    Serial.print("Current status: ");
    Serial.print(_status);
    Serial.println("---");
  }

Update of 16.05.2015

//General log//
Stupid power outages. If anything will break, i'mma be mad (since I'm always the one fixing stuff). They already scorched my LED lights power supply last time (blew up the transistor inside, not kidding. The whole board was in covered with black slag like you get from a candle). Seriously need a UPS for desktop PC's.

Outage log (today): 
18:41 - 3x (END: 19:13)
23:27 - 3x (END: 23:29)
23:33 - 2x (END: 23:34)

// OBE //
As for OBE, I'm back to trying it, now that I have more time. Also, noticed a major error in my attempts. I attempted: Clear mind -> Visualize -> Materialize
But instead, when I tried: Clear mind -> Concentrate on heartbeat and breathing, I noticed some different behavior. For once, I got so close to OBE, that I became 'super-aware' of my surroundings. It induced fear and when I managed to suppress the fear, I had already lost the state. Breathing became effortless. My own fear limited my ability to go further. Yesterday, I fell asleep. Damn it. :D

// Arduino //
Yesterday, 4 hours of trial-and-failure on trying to get an arduino board to work. Finally did get it to work, but now crap with compiling (really really slow, should try on a VM).
As for understanding C, I've got the basics nailed down. Successfully made a led toggle on off with a mic, but damn, didn't save the sketch. Now attempting to get a photo-transistor to behave as I want... which it isn't. Neither is the IR-receiver. The serial data is not correct nor responding to external events... and I got no datasheet for 'em either. Well, this is at least a faster way to grasp how things interact with each other, than plainly learning C.

// More on Arduino //
The IR-receiver/photo-transistor have 3 legs. I'm assuming left is data, middle ground and right ... power/switch? AnalogRead returned momentary 200 -> 600 when lifting finger from the sensor. Delayed 10ms. Didn't quite seem correct. The stable ~600 was also changing too rapidly. Sometimes it would throw in random 700's. Sometimes, it would go up to 1023 and just stay there, which is assuming, that the transistor somehow "auto-adjusted" itself or my wires are malfunctioning. What a headache.

Now, that I have all the necessary things, I'm thinking of trying to write a code for one of those "jedi lamps" or whatever they are called, though, I nearly know nothing on quantum random, and seems to be a bit too far of a leap, with my current given capabilities in coding. Normal random should suffice, then built on-top of that. Shouldn't be difficult, since it just switches out the "random" code-block which implements real-world data... or that's as far as I understood Sussch. Well, it's a challenge... sorta.

Fucked up world (10.05.2015)

Grr. Darn you Optical Flares. Why won't you work. I've been stuck with you for 2 days straight and still not figured it out. *pouts*. Local plugin directory, is a no-no; Sandbox external plugin directory is a no-no; Internal is inaccessible; While scripts worked on 'version' defined plugin directory, Optical flares don't. Me no like-y that. Also, THOP (The house of Portable) said it had the damn plugin, while he did not. Goddarnit THOP.

About 2 weeks ago, I was getting quite bored of Dissection songs, but now, I love them again. I love the disharmonious sound in their songs. The dark feeling to it.

I like to think it like this:" While daytime highlights the shadows of the world, the night exposes it's tiniest fragments of light."

The "dark" feeling adds up to the "harmonious" part of the song. Just like "negative" moments are converted "positive" after hard trial-and-error. "Darkness illuminates the light", as weird as it sounds.
This is probably why i'm so obsessed with contrast of light and darkness, the balance in songs, the flow.
I mean, take for example your everyday pop-music -- It's boring. It has no content, nor of any 'contrast' to it. I'm not a huge fan of rap and stuff like that, but I remember these, which are worth listening to. As far as I know, nothing comes close to these:

LISTEN or READ!

Now, tell me again. IS MUSIC SAME? NO. All we now have is the word "nigga" and "bitch" being repeated over and over. Just skimpy suits with fucking basketballs as tits. It's funny that even porn stars are more well-mannered than the "celebrities" and "fashion models".

*Sighs*. Oh well. I guess I'm one of those 'anomalies' within mankind.

HOLY F*CKING ENB! -- Skyrim -- Part 4

I got an ENB (RealLike ENB) working. It basically adds to the realism of lighting, effects etc. I can't install any greater ENB since i'm already down to 20 fps with random crashes due to RAM running out (got only 4GB + 2GB integraded VRAM with Dedicated graphics card help).

Here's some pure epic-ness.

A simple campfire gone awesome.

Day with darkened sun

Remember Sjel Blad castle entrance? Yeah...

Beautiful sky.

Nightingale Skeleton key quest.

Ooo... this feels omnious, and I don't use that word often.

Uh, yeah. Good luck.

The same entrance after the quest. Sweet.

One sunrise, please!

Beware, mortal world, for the vampire trio will conquer you.

Even Soul Cairn looks more darker.

Just f*cking look at this. Gorgerous!

They are so good that I want to make them my wallpapers.

!!!

Characters - Skyrim - Part 3

There are too many great parts in Skyrim. More than half of these go to the recycling bin. This one will mainly focus on characters (who are Farith and Serena).

This is awesome, but a bad location.

Mom never takes interest in these kinds of games, but she was fairly curious about this.

Can't blame. It's a darn good scene.

Idle + random speech pattern + Skyhair + Custom body rig, face, eyes, skin + cloaks + custom dresses + Emotion mods (and 90+ other mods, though i should find hair animation mod)

Someone's really happy.

Oh yeah. Wings and Nightingale armor.

... and then there's this guy, plotting to kill his 'friend'... without noticing me or the other two.